Roll For Sass! Check Out These Out-Of-Context D&D Quotes

Kyrian007

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A D&D 2nd Ed campaign years ago. Our party was clearing a castle. We found a room in the basement with only one entrance. Inside was a Beholder. The door was narrower than the Beholder. So we closed the door.

Our Wizard, "Let's not go in there."
Rogue (who had quickly opened and closed the door,) "I didn't see anything in there anyway."
Priest, "Should we leave a sign."
Everyone kind of looks at one another for a second or two.
Rogue, "I suppose that would be the polite thing to do."

So we left a sign on the door. It says "Beholder: Do Not Enter."
 

Nazulu

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Jun 5, 2008
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I thought I'd get a kick out of one of them, instead they made me all cringe. These are all really forced. I suggest they hire a real comedian to write these.
 

small

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well my party had a fearless halfling fighter in it and the response between party members after said halfling attacked a giant golem..
mage "we had better go rescue him"
THUD
cleric *SIGH* "does anyone have a spatula and make sure you collect all the bits before i resurect him again.."
 

Scow2

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Giant in the Playground Games has a whole archive thread of out-of-context D&D quotes.

Digo Dragon dominated the thread with his Shadowrun and Pathfinder groups' quotes.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?280469-Campaign-Quotes-NO-CONTEXT-EDITION!
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?350188-Campaign-Quotes-No-Context-Edition-II-We-all-want-to-be-the-Majestic-12
(The Majestic 12 is Digo Dragon's Shadowrun campaign)
 
Aug 31, 2012
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chozo_hybrid said:
Honestly have to wonder what the ratio of made up for "lolz" and actual quotes from games are.

Some silly things happen in my games, but some of these come across as really forced. For the record, I'm referring more to ones on the site itself, the ones here aren't too bad.
Probably pretty decent. Perhaps watch LRR's Temple of the Lava Bears:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLV_qemO0oatgObLdo4SNEtC8PUQMblhQs
 

Micah Weil

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Mar 16, 2009
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On the one hand, I want the context behind some of these quotes.
On the other, it'd ruin the fun.

Though, to be fair, my group has successfully seduced dragons on two separate occasions, so that one's not all that strange to me.
 

Jhonie

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One of my favourite D&D moments has to be when the shaman in our party realised that the act of summoning and dismissing his spirit/familiar was a minor action in the middle of a horse chase. (this was fourth edition) So, during a single round, he summoned his familiar twice, right in front of the enemy horses, thereby disabling most of the guards we were running from. Efficiency. :D
 

Orbot_Vectorman

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I haven't played too much D&D, but when I played a bit in high school, I was playing a sorcerer (Wanted to be a Necromancer). And the DM had us in a sewer setting, I had made the mistake of casting fireball.... needless to say I killed my entire party. Pro D&D tip, don't let me play any magic casting classes, I will throw the first spell that comes to mind.... Oh, and kill random people for my own amusement.
 

small

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Orbot_Vectorman said:
I haven't played too much D&D, but when I played a bit in high school, I was playing a sorcerer (Wanted to be a Necromancer). And the DM had us in a sewer setting, I had made the mistake of casting fireball.... needless to say I killed my entire party. Pro D&D tip, don't let me play any magic casting classes, I will throw the first spell that comes to mind.... Oh, and kill random people for my own amusement.
you sound like someone in my old group, and the reason why my group had a "we are going to need more henchmen" motto
 

DuelLadyS

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The strangest thing I can specifically remember saying in a campaign is, "How much does the Pope weigh? I need to add him to my inventory."

No, I'm not going to explain it. (but in the same campaign my fiancé played a druid with a very lucrative side business selling 'herbs'.)
 

Lightspeaker

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Mixed bag in that tumblr link but on the whole pretty good. Stuff like this is what makes me want to try out tabletop games.


On a related side note this seems as good a place as any to ask: I've spoken to a handful of friends about running a tabletop game (specifically Paranoia). But there are two slight issues:
Firstly none of them have played it before. Or any tabletop game.
Secondly I've never GMd before or even played tabletop.

So its a completely raw group. Which isn't a huge problem for the players with respect to Paranoia (because they're not really supposed to know the rules or anything anyway). But I'm kinda worried I'm going to screw up badly. Anyone got any recommended links to guides to GMing or anything?
 

Fanghawk

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Lightspeaker said:
Mixed bag in that tumblr link but on the whole pretty good. Stuff like this is what makes me want to try out tabletop games.


On a related side note this seems as good a place as any to ask: I've spoken to a handful of friends about running a tabletop game (specifically Paranoia). But there are two slight issues:
Firstly none of them have played it before. Or any tabletop game.
Secondly I've never GMd before or even played tabletop.

So its a completely raw group. Which isn't a huge problem for the players with respect to Paranoia (because they're not really supposed to know the rules or anything anyway). But I'm kinda worried I'm going to screw up badly. Anyone got any recommended links to guides to GMing or anything?
Our own Alex Macris (Archon) wrote a column on this site which helped me out a lot when I started GMing. <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/tabletop/checkfortraps>It's all here.

<a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/tabletop/checkfortraps/7429-Master-of-the-Game>This specific article should help get you started.
 

The Great JT

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Oct 6, 2008
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And yet every image is from Pathfinder...eh, it's D&D 3.75 edition anyway.

But yeah, all those images were a scream.
 

Lightspeaker

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Dec 31, 2011
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Fanghawk said:
Lightspeaker said:
Mixed bag in that tumblr link but on the whole pretty good. Stuff like this is what makes me want to try out tabletop games.


On a related side note this seems as good a place as any to ask: I've spoken to a handful of friends about running a tabletop game (specifically Paranoia). But there are two slight issues:
Firstly none of them have played it before. Or any tabletop game.
Secondly I've never GMd before or even played tabletop.

So its a completely raw group. Which isn't a huge problem for the players with respect to Paranoia (because they're not really supposed to know the rules or anything anyway). But I'm kinda worried I'm going to screw up badly. Anyone got any recommended links to guides to GMing or anything?
Our own Alex Macris (Archon) wrote a column on this site which helped me out a lot when I started GMing. <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/tabletop/checkfortraps>It's all here.

<a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/tabletop/checkfortraps/7429-Master-of-the-Game>This specific article should help get you started.
Thanks. Much appreciated. :)
 

Mind2Matter

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Jul 9, 2012
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I was a part of a World of Darkness campaign, and we had found a woman's dead body in a basement, with her ghost pointing us towards the location of her killer. One of our characters was extremely noble and spiritual, and wanted to bury the body to put her spirit to rest. Now, we could understand the reasoning behind it, but as we were trying to chase down a psychopathic killer who was mere moments away from killing again, and to prevent such a tragedy from happening, thus ending the story . . . this hardly seemed like a good moment. But, he insisted, and said he would catch up with us.

"So, what are you going to dig with?" the GM asks.

"What do I have in my inventory that I can dig with?" the player asks.

"The broken sword, I suppose."

"Ok, I'll use that."

"You will dig a 6 by 2 by 6 foot hole in the ground . . . with a broken sword?"

"This person deserves a burial, dammit, and I want her spirit to be laid to rest!"

We ended up finishing the story before he was done. I almost felt sorry for how much we tortured that poor GM.
 

ExDeath730

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Mar 13, 2012
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"I shoot the kid in the face with my Desert Eagle, three times just to be sure"

The context:

World of Darkness, playing Vampire: The Masquerade, we were in the backroom of a Satanist's club, where we found the guys victims, that he was sacrificing for power, after a fight with the guy and his henchmen, he tried to escape and we followed him.

That's when he tried to run to the "temple" of the Demon he was worshiping. The Demons wasn't an Earthbound like our Tremere Demonologist thought it was, but a common one, using the body of a child. The Demon started using his powers, and the group (Me, a Ventrue Antitribu on the run from the Sabbat, our punk Lady Brujah, a really really insane Malkavian and the Nerdy Tremere Demonologist who practiced black magic in her youth to rebel against her preacer father) started to roll to resist.

The Brujah fell for the illusion, along the Malkavian who started having a nervous breakdown. Me and the Tremere resisted it, but the Tremere was paralyzed because of the fear, and i actually resisted it as well (by pure luck, the Narrator REALLY wanted us to stop the chase), that's when i instead of talking, like the Demon wanted, just shot him, a lot.