Romance

[Jonluw]

Good afternoon, escapists.

I am sort of a romantic; in the sense that I love romance anime and manga, and I have a tendency to fall into a state of daydreaming, often about romance. I think I would really like to experience it sometime.

Spoiler: Spoilered to keep my post neat

Now here's the thing: I am sort of a cynic, and can not realisticly see my self falling in love, at least not any time soon. In addition, upon further exploring the issue of love, I can not imagine I would ever be able to sustain a romantic relationship. I am afraid all the input of the unconditional undying love of romance fiction has heightened my expectations to an unrealistic level, and ruined me for ever having a proper relationship.

From what I can see, it looks like at my age (16) you're supposed to get a girfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, and maybe fall in love later. Is this really how the world works

Apparently I am also lodged in the middle of this thing called puberty that is supposed to impair my judgement, although it doesn't seem like it...

So, how are you escapists on the topic of romance?

As for me, it would seem I am only able to fall in love with figments of my imagination for now.

 

[Thyunda]

Well, I think it's safe to say I'm in love, and I turn eighteen on Thursday. Yes, I'd had girlfriends before, and they didn't turn out too well, but it was my best friend who helped me through it, and I helped her, and it went from there.

You can never see it coming, it just hits you, and sometimes you wish it didn't. It's terribly inconvenient, a lot of the time. You might be like me - never had the whole puberty-sex-drive assault, and I still don't actively seek it. I'm just apathetic towards that whole side of things.

 

[_Janny_]

I don't usually post "This ^" to the OP and leave, but you pretty much described me and probably most of us here.

I don't see this as a problem though. Everyone's wired differently, c'est la vie.

 

[Tharwen]

Spoiler: Spoilered to keep my post neat

Now here's the thing: I am sort of a cynic, and can not realisticly see my self falling in love, at least not any time soon. In addition, upon further exploring the issue of love, I can not imagine I would ever be able to sustain a romantic relationship. I am afraid all the input of the unconditional undying love of romance fiction has heightened my expectations to an unrealistic level, and ruined me for ever having a proper relationship.

From what I can see, it looks like at my age (16) you're supposed to get a girfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, and maybe fall in love later. Is this really how the world works

Apparently I am also lodged in the middle of this thing called puberty that is supposed to impair my judgement, although it doesn't seem like it...

If I wrote out my opinion, it would almost perfectly match this. Therefore I'll just take the lazy option and use yours. I'm even the same age as you.

 

[Thyunda]

hate it. love to make fun of it. would rather meet new girls to hook up with than have that 1 girl for the rest of my life.

I know a guy who was just like that. Three different girls a week. Now he's bored of it, and every girl he meets just plays him in revenge for a played friend.

Trust me, that lifestyle will fuck you up.

 

[BonsaiK]

I am afraid all the input of the unconditional undying love of romance fiction has heightened my expectations to an unrealistic level, and ruined me for ever having a proper relationship.

From what I can see, it looks like at my age (16) you're supposed to get a girfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, and maybe fall in love later. Is this really how the world works

Congratulations, you have figured out that love in the real world is often different to how it is portrayed in fiction. Be happy, because many people never achieve this level of understanding about relationships. Sincere belief in the lyrics of sappy love songs and romance fiction is generally a one-way ticket to bad mental health.

In the real world, love often takes time to develop. "Love at first sight" actually happens to very few people, it's more common that deep feelings increase gradually over time, as you get to know the person and their quirks better. On the other hand sexual attraction tends to be an instant "he/she has either got it or they don't" type of deal. Hence why people often go on a "let's go out for a while as more than friends and see what develops from there" kind of deal.

 

[neoontime]

Wow, that seems to be my effing deal.

 

[Thyunda]

hate it. love to make fun of it. would rather meet new girls to hook up with than have that 1 girl for the rest of my life.

I know a guy who was just like that. Three different girls a week. Now he's bored of it, and every girl he meets just plays him in revenge for a played friend.

Trust me, that lifestyle will fuck you up.

Maybe, but I'm not ready for the family and white picket fence. Since I'm 25 and most girls are looking for long-term and marriage and I'm not at all, it kind of makes dating pointless. Plus, I've got a couple really good friends who feel the same way, so we have each other and some solid hobbies to occupy our time.

It's kind of cool though because we write and film comedy shorts and commercials and we have new girls in each video because we never keep girls around for long.

Me and mine are going for long term, and I've hardly played the field. Long term does not equate to boring. Me and her do ballroom dancing, so when we go to family reunions and anniversaries and such, we're always a favourite. Definitely keeps things interesting, and that's what's important. It does seem boring, this whole concept of one girl for a long time, but it depends on if the girl is interesting, and if you're willing to try to make things awesome.

 

[Nickolai77]

From what I can see, it looks like at my age (16) you're supposed to get a girfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, and maybe fall in love later. Is this really how the world works

When your 16, more or less.... Generally it's the cool kids whom get the girlfriends because: a)The girls like them because they're cool and have social status
b)For the reasons stated in a, the cool kids have confidence.

There are a couple of exceptions when teenage dating turns into something more genuine. Two of my friends started going out when they where about 15 and still are four years later, they always had been in a genuine proper loving relationship. So, "real" relationships can happen to teenagers, but most relationships when your 16 will just involve dating for a month or so before something happens and they split. Unless your a cool kid, it's probably not worth worrying about when your 16.

When you get older though, people get more mature, and it's around the 17-18 mark that relationships tend to become more genuine. Rather than going out with someone because they're cool or fit or you fancy them, people can start to choose relationships on the basis if they feel truely compatable with that person, and grow to develop "fond" feelings about their personality and the way they are etc, evolving into a state of a "love."

My advise is to continue to be scepical about fictional romance, thats a great start, take things easy and don't worry about girlfriends and whatnot for now. If an opotunity arises however, you may as well take it for the sake of experience. Also, this being general advise for most age groups. Try to avoid being the "nice guy" to a girl you may like. The girls expect the boy's to make the move and ask them out, if you don't do that girls assume your not interested and just want to be a friend. So, if you meet someone whom you really like quite like and want a relationship with- you'll have to be confident and forward with them, and eventually ask them out.
(Note though that this doesn't have to the forward and difficult question of "do you want to go out with me?". An easier, less nerve-destroying way is arranging an ordinary social meet up and asking if she wants to bring friends along. If she says no, you probably have a date, if yes, you don't, but you've suffered little embarassment)

 

[Lieju]

I think in fiction romance is like a spice; a little bit is nice, to add some flavour, but too much is just icky.

I would like to get a girlfriend at some point, I'd just need to find someone who would think hiking in mountains, or observing animals, or visiting museums would be romantic. Someone who would think it's cute to get a scorpion for your sweetheart.

 

[Deleted]

Romance is something created to regulate relationships and discourage promiscuity, because "feelings" have become more important and so now its expected.

Or maybe I Mad.

 

[razer17]

Well, I definitely wouldn't call msyelf a romantic, that's for sure. Since I'm not actively looking for a proper relationship, I can't see it happening. If it does, it will be with someone I already know. Since I'm not fussed on having a relationship, going out with a friend means you can skip the whole "Getting to know each other, whether you will work" crap.

I'm happy being a free wheeling bachelor at the moment. IT sure plays into part of me being a uni student anyway. I do fine with having good freinds, and then friends with benefits.

 

[Raikov]

Ahh, I remember how it was back then... all the girls wanted older guys (some 10 years older) because they thought they were more 'mature' then the guys was, which is of course true, physically.

Now I'm 24, and the vast majority of girls my age are of such inferior maturity that I've just stopped searching for datable girls. There are exceptions of course, and you know who you are.

So prepare to wait for that one-girl-serious-romance stuff for a while longer.

 

[Julianking93]

As I've stated many times on this site, I too am a romantic. A hopeless romantic, maybe but still a romantic and I too enjoy romance in movies, books, anime, manga and often daydream about the subject but that, OP is where our similarities (at least on this subject) end.

I am not a cynic. I think that I could sustain a relationship, but unfortunately, I'm never really around anyone who I could ever possibly have a relationship with

From what I can see, it looks like at my age (16) you're supposed to get a girfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, and maybe fall in love later. Is this really how the world works

Unfortunately, for the majority of the teen population, yes. Most kids just want a boy/girlfriend for the sake of dating someone. No feelings ever are really involved. Typically, it's almost like a status symbol. Get a partner and you're in with the supposed "cool" crowd.

This is what infuriates me about this subject. It seems like I (along with a surprisingly large group of people on this site) are the only ones who care about actual feelings going into a relationship rather than just the concern for popularity or the utmost importance of losing one's virginity as soon as possible with whoever.

So I guess you could say I'm a cynic, but my cynicism is directed at the majority of the population rather it being inward.

 

[Rarhnor]

This post just made me realize how empty and hollow my life is. A life without any deeper feelings and romance...I like it that way

Thank you OP for helping me understand myself better

Off to senseless gaming and wasting my life away on minor matters.

Edit: No, really! I'm not kidding...

 

[Quid Plura]

Don't worry too much about it, especially about the part of having your expectations up too high. I was the same when I was your age, and I now have had a girlfriend for the last 5 years. High school/middle school just sucks to start a relationship. And when you fall in love, and your love has the same expectations as you, it'll all be different.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I'm 18 and in love, I can't see myself with anyone else.
You don't know when it's going to happen, or who with. It'll come at the wrong time but you just have to deal with it.

 

[VulakAerr]

I'm 30, and I'm in the unenviable position of realising I've met the one, been in a relationship with her and let her go. After that I bounced into something else, very ill-advised and that ended too, inevitably.

For the past 9 months I've just been enjoying life and not thinking about it (2010 is a very hectic gaming schedule) and if something comes along then that's fine but trying to recapture romance is like trying to catch a butterfly with a wine-bottle and a baseball bat.

Romance is a fragile thing but even after everything, I still think it's something to aspire to and try to keep in your life.

Romantics, in my view, tend to feel more and get greater joy out of a relationship on many levels, but there are also lower lows, sometimes dangerously so. Neither way is better than the other. It's all down to experience, trust, faith (not in any spiritual sense) and a crapload of luck.

 

[Ham_authority95]

I've never looked for relationships exclusively for romance or commitment.

In fact, I've don't think I've ever looked for relationship at all, so I'm quite un-romantic.

EDIT: I would've make a joke about my right hand, but that seemed in bad taste for this thread.

 

[Adzma]

I have been denied the opportunity to share true romance. In that regard, I hate all forms of romantic entanglements.

It also sickens me to see douchebags who use others purely for sex then ditch them are blessed, while others who genuinely have feelings and something to offer are cursed.

Yes, I am cynical.