Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It's horribly burnt.

I wish I had a revolver.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, although the bullets for the gun don't exist.

I wish the Aldmeri Dominion didn't exist.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, now it just goes by another name.

I wish for all the badges on Escapist.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You can get no achievements, trophies, or what have you.

I wish I didn't have to pee.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. Your liver melts.

I wish for Jaws' teeth.

 

[Verzin]

Granted, but his sister who lives on land comes after you.

I wish for musical talent.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you are forced to learn from Justin Beiber.

I wish for early access to the Multiplayer portion of the Mass Effect 3 demo.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. It's malware and your computer is damaged beyond repair.

I wish for miming skillz.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You are then laughed at because you are a mime who is trying to be current, much like a parent using slang.

I wish I could fly for 10 seconds after consuming 15 meatballs.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. Then you swell to the size of a hippo and crash into the ground.

I wish I could turn anyone into a hippo at will.

 

[Yureina]

Granted, but it turns you into a hippo as well.

I wish I had more monies.

 

[MammothBlade]

Granted. You get 5 yen.

I wish No More Heroes 2 would come to PS3.

 

[Zepherus14]

Granted but Sony forgot how to count properly and skipped to PS4, so you've got no system to play it on.

I wish for... A Shrubbrey!![sub] with a nice little fence next to it so it makes a quaint little path.[/sub]

 

[Yureina]

Granted, but you will be forced to buy half the game as DLC.

I wish for food.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You are buried alive under a mountain of food.

I wish I had three testicles for 3 days.

 

[Yureina]

Granted, but they are painful.

I wish I had more music to listen to.

 

[Zepherus14]

Granted but to do so I had to kick you so hard your actual one come up to your uvula.

I wish for what I wished for three posts ago but was suckered out of it.

EDIT: NINJA"S EVERYWHERE!!

Granted but its all garbage made by me saying "la-la-la!"

 

[Nouw]

Granted, but it wants you too! *noms.

How I wish, how I wish you were here .

 

[RussetRanger]

Granted, but we speak different languages.


I wish to breathe underwater.

 

[Nouw]

Granted, but now you have to stay in the water forever.

I wish to never come back here.