Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[zombiekiller1907]

you accidentally ate evil smurf. You are now a zombie. Welcome to the club!

I wish I could join the publisher's club.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, the rest of the user-base shuns you, you become the most hated person on this site.

I wish stores would check whether or not copies of games traded into them actuallly worked before selling them.

 

[Evil Smurf]

sure, however it costs $50 to test each game. Also Valve is now a corporation of bastards.

I wish for all the zombies in this thread to dance the thriller

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, they are so tired out afterwards they eat you.

I wish for a bourbon.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted...oh you wanted a bonbon, I misunderstood and gave your poison Bees nest instead...that look like BonBons.

I wish to not be a zombie and live peacefully forever.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you are turned into stone and placed in a park, where birds constantly shit on you.

I wish I had enough gold to save Albion.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted, it required dividing by zero somehow and now you float in the toilet of the universe.

I wish for...oxygen.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. You lose all nitrogen in your little air bubble.

I wish for a statue in my likeness.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, it is a weeping angel that kills you.
I want new headphones

 

[Jetut]

Granted but I dropped them in the toilet...with me poop.

I wish to win the last one to post wins thread

 

[StormShaun]

Granted. Everyone hates you and go to your house and steal all your games...and toilet.

 

[zombiekiller1907]

Granted. Now go sit in a corner and reflect on your actions.

I wish no one wins the last one to post wins thread

 

[zombiekiller1907]

Granted. Now here's a friendly PSA courtesy of smosh.

Spoiler

I wish for unlimited wishes

 

[Rhagos]

Granted. You make a wish that undoes the entire universe.

I wish for a tuna sandwich.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, I was the one to make it and since I don't know what Blue Fin Sashimi is I under cook it and you die of Food Poisoning.

I wish to have a bottle of coke that never runs out or goes flat.

 

[Evil Smurf]

granted, you are on the moon: Grab as many rocks as you want. Oh wait....No space suit YOU DIE!
I wish I was not shut down massively by my crush today

 

[StormShaun]

Granted...I can't do this...I QUIT![sub]I wish you didn't say that. xD[/sub]

I wish that I was an assassin.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted. You're an assassin but the world's worst assassin. You are captured before your first assignment is even handed to you.

Something like this?

Also granted.

you go to another country and forget about it. You punch the Australian PM and you get arrested and call a man sugar daddy for the rest of your life.

I wish to be the one in a horror movie that survives.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but you go crazy and spend the rest of your days in a madhouse.

I wish for a kitten that won't kill me.

 

[zombiekiller1907]

Granted. It kills each and every one of your loved ones instead. And you contracted a fatal disease from the lice that lives on the cat. You die.

I wish for cirque du soleil