Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[GrimGrimoire]

Granted.
Your wish was ruined anyway.

I wish I had a timemachine.

 

[EscapeGoat_v1legacy]

Granted, it only travels backwards in time, and only to twelve seconds before.

I wish for a moustache.

 

[Roxas1359]

Granted, unfortunately though the only one you could grow was a Hitler-stache.
[sub]And thus I prove Godwin's Law.[/sub]
I wish for a fish.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted, it eats you alive.
I wish for a clean swimming pool in my area.

 

[EscapeGoat_v1legacy]

Granted, everybody uses it constantly and leaves it terribly untidy.

I wish to be back in Yorkshire, instead of being in Birmingham for a family gathering.

 

[Moderated]

You are back in Yorkshire, in the years of the dinosaurs. You get eaten and die.
I wish that starting now, every wish that I make and mean comes true exactly the way I want it to.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. You wish for death.
I wish for a powerful laser.

 

[Roxas1359]

Granted, the moment you hit the trigger it'll explode though.
I wish for a new wallet.

 

[DJ_DEnM]

Granted, but it's made of material you're allergic too.

I wish I had more posts.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. You never leave the comp and die of dehydration.
I wish for the number 5.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. In 100 years.
I wish for the ability of quick, clever replies.

 

[Roxas1359]

Granted, no one can understand you because you're too quick.
I wish for a trolley pass.

 

[Moderated]

They are broken. Your parents/significant other/friends see it and never trust you again. They think of you as always breaking things, and decide they don't love you anymore.
I wish that I had a Gatorade in front of me in a plastic bottle with a hole on the top to drink out of. It is filled with Gatorade, and it is my favorite flavor. It is not poisoned, and does not have anything bad for me in it, other than what is normally in Gatorade.

 

[Aerosteam]

Granted. Drinking that Gaytorade triggers the deaths of everyone you love. Somehow.

I wish I was a real boy.

 

[Roxas1359]

Granted, sadly though the cheese is terrible and the macaroni is stale.
I wish for a new Wii.

 

[Aerosteam]

Granted, you get a Puu instead.

I wish I was a real girl.

 

[Roxas1359]

Granted, you're now as ugly as Meg from Family Guy.
I wish I hate my Financial Aid right now.

 

[Moderated]

Wish granted. The reason you hate it is because they beat you with bags filled with pennies.
I wish that this wish didn't come true, and nothing bad happened.

 

[Roxas1359]

Too bad it'll happen then won't happen then happen again trapping you in a loop forever!
I wish that I didn't eat those pancakes.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. You starve because there's nothing else to eat.
I wish to be trapped in an alternate dimension.