Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[FPLOON]

Granted, they still find a way to fuck everything else up instead...

I wish I remembered like Kara!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. Kara can't remember **** and neither can you!

I wish I could manipulate time.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you can't control how far back/forward you go.

I wish could act out a sexual fantasy.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's now just stuff that binds just you in particular...

I wish I was on Judge Trudy!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you are guilty!

I wish Krauser [http://residentevil.wikia.com/wiki/Jack_Krauser] became a good guy and lived.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, only in the RE movies before he's later killed by Alice...

I wish no one wasted paper money!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. The use of nukes is replaced by more chemical/biological agents.

I wish they would recreate Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion in the 3d first person "behind the visor" style of the Metroid Prime games.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. It self destructs.

I wish David Bowie was still alive, and flying around on a tiger made of lightning.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, they crash into oncoming traffic and die again.

I wish I could remember my dreams accurately.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

The animals all sue you for eating meat.

I wish rule 34 didn't exist.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, they shot it on some local park instead, which is underwhelming to say the least.

I wish nostalgic cartoons were available on demand permanently.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. Your nostalgia blinds you to their flaws.

I wish Dennis Farina was still alive.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

He becomes insufferably hyperactive.

I wish you would find happiness.