Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Ice Car]

Granted, but a local maniac breaks into your home and kills you as soon as you get up.

I wish for a new laptop that works and functions properly and is immune to being "corrupted" by "viruses"

 

[Eumersian]

Granted.

Spoiler: Here ya go!

You can't accidentally download a virus, because it can't get internet! Perfect solution!
Also, it totally does go on your lap. Just be creative.

I wish I had something that couldn't be ruined. Even by the boredom that comes with perfection.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you cease to exist.

I wish for another chance to grab Amanda's ass.

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. It'll grab you back.

I wish for a pet cookie monster.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

It sure will! lol

OT: Granted, all your cookies are now monsters. You have to eat them to survive!

I wish for the ability to play the drums.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted, but as is the stereotype, you are now incredibly stupid.

I wish for my two front teeth.

 

[Ice Car]

Granted, but they fall out in a week again.

I wish there were signatures on this forum.

 

[Nouw]

Granted, but all of them are gifs/pictures of your childhood heroes/cartoons and etc turned into Rule 34.

I wish for world war.

 

[Ice Car]

Granted , but the first place that is hit is your own hometown and your whole family is killed.

I wish for infinite wishes.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but none of them come true.

I wish for a fish!

 

[MartianWarMachine]

Granted, but it's been rotting for three weeks.

I wish that the Martians invaded the Earth.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but they kill you too, calling you a traitor.

I wish for nothing.

 

[SkyeNeko]

Granted, but your brain just exploded.

I wish for a bottle of Coke!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but 300 mentos teleport into your stomach the moment you start to drink.

I wish that this post will be posted.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. However, it was offensive to some obscure subculture and you have been banned.

I wish to be a king.

 

[Stephen Proud]

Granted, but you are novelist Stephen King and will be forever cursed with writer's cramp.

I wish for televised real-life Mario Kart.

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. Your house is the circuit.

I wish for a katana.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It is currently positioned in your spleen.

I wish for six African Elephants.

 

[Nouw]

Granted but they want to eat all your food.

I wish for Daft Punk to play in Auckland of New Zealand in 2014 so I can attend.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Tickets are sitting at around $1,000,000.

I wish I had a giant rampaging reptile.