Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Since they are all broken, you are saddened greatly by this turn of events.

I wish for an unlimited amount of brain bleach.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Good thing I love the flavor. Human blood might be good too.

I wish to feast on the blood of man!

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. But it isn't the head you were thinking. All the men in the world cry profusely. :'(

I wish to anger an ancient deity.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It's rubbed by...Fluffy!

I wish to be cursed by my ancient deity.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Fluffy eats the dentist.

I wish to ride C'thulu through the sky!

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It is placed firmly between your third and fourth ribs.

I wish for a haunted forest.

 

[Link_to_Future]

(That was the most thoroughly ruined wish ever.)

Granted. It's a battery acid fountain.

I wish to banish all the Rosie ghosts.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You die horribly. What did you expect?

I wish to understand the motives of everything ever.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You get to poke my grandma. She is provoked...and aroused.

I wish that grandma would leave me alone for now. Knowing that motive is...horrifying.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, she died of a heart attack. You are free to be as homicidal as you want.

I wish for more people to know I am drunk.

 

[Bradd94]

Granted! But the fire consumes your house, family and friends. You're now alone.

I wish for chicken.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. But it's my fire. You can't have any. It is uncooked. Hope you don't mind e coli.

I wish to eat the nastiest meal ever prepared.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Now you are consumed by it.

I wish for Dark's ashes.

 

[Bradd94]

Granted. But you've got them mixed up with hot chocolate powder, and someone has already started mixing you a cup.

I wish for a funny hat.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Hard to ruin a wish that doesn't happen. Your silly hat has is actually concealing a headcrab.

I wish that Dark was alive again.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Buffy has no new foes to fight though. The new series is boring.

I wish for more wish ideas!

 

[Bradd94]

Granted. But all of them involve disturbing, unspeakable acts.

I wish this post isn't ninja'd.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. But it's more of a mild discomfort.

I wish for a mullet.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but then the tea monster eats you! Oh no's!

Spoiler: Tea Monster

I wish I had a pair of socks that didn't wear out.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, they wear YOU out.

I wish I was more muscular.