Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. But it's all mine. You can't have any.

I wish for an eyepatch.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted. It's on your arse.

I wish for several.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You get several starving wolves in your bedroom. Good luck sleeping.

I wish for several starving wolves in my bedroom.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted. They want liqorice.

I wish for deodorised shoes.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. However, the odor eater was too strong. It consumed your sneakers.

I wish that there was no atmosphere on earth.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted. It wasn't this earth, though.

I wish for an odor-eater made physical, as a pet.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Spoiler: Granted. He develops a taste for your feet.

I wish to be blinded by awesomeness.

 

[One Seven One]

Granted but you will live the rest of your life knowing you will never see anything else as awesome, also you're blind.

I wish I could control time.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. PETA is pissed.

I wish for a glass of bittersweet helplessness.

 

[Jailbird408]

Granted. It comes with a shot of Bailey's.

I wish the TV stopped doing reruns.

 

[One Seven One]

Granted, but it breaks down and your new TV doesn't have that ability.

I wish I could read minds.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. It comes with a shot of Bailey's.

I'm sorry, how is that ruining it?

OT: Granted. But you can only read Dark's mind. You will never be the same again.

I wish that I could fly like an eagle to the sea!!

 

[Jailbird408]

Granted, but you forgot that eagles don't seafare.

I wish Valve lost the March Mayhem. That'll show them,

 

[One Seven One]

Granted, but valve fans come and beat you up for causing them to lose.

I wish I could control the elements.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You get control over the noble gases.

I wish that chemistry was more entertaining.

 

[One Seven One]

Granted, but most of the intersting parts are them using you to test chemicals.

I wish the internet was a tangible place.

 

[RaphaelsRedemption]

Granted, but you have to live there forever.

I wish for a pet that doesn't eat me.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You get an angry Pikachu. You're fried to death in seconds.

I wish for an elephant stampede.

 

[One Seven One]

Granted, but you have to live there forever.

That doesn't sound too bad.

OT: Granted, but you'll never see it.

I wish I could predict the future.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted, but you can only see it six seconds before it happens.

I wish I had some corn.