Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Xpwn3ntial]

Granted, they are all written in circa 200 a.d. Chinese characters.

I wish my soreness would go away.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, your soreness now turns into terrible pain.

I wish Edmonton will be able to continue their winning streak, as I don't like Toronto.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I can't corrupt a wish that would ruin Toronto's chances.

I wish for forgiveness.

 

[Vrex360]

Granted, but they and all other sport's teams in the world get turned into flesh eating Necromorphs.
By me.

Granted, I forgive you for beating me to a post. You've earned yourself a slightly less painful death.

I wish I could sleep with Catwoman.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted. Enjoy the all the diseases. What?!?! She lives outside like a cat and doesn't take good care of herself. What did you expect?

I wish for Communism.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. It tears apart civilization like it always inevitably would have.

I wish for more pants.

 

[Dango]

Granted, they've scattered across the world and you have to go on a a lifelong quest to retrieve them.

I wish for cereal.

 

[M0rp43vs]

You get it but homer was the one who prepared it.
It seems to be on fire.
And the cereal seems to be one of the brands that taste like(and is probably made from) Cardboard.
And there is no milk.
And the cereal farts in your face

I wish I had a violin

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but it's really a viola! MWUHAHAHH

I wish I could control all the worlds fan systems

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

Granted but only up to the first level. You must wait 100 years for the next level.

I wish I could will curry into existence.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. It sure exists alright. You just have to find it.

I wish I could control myself.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but someone stole the remote control and now you have to do anything they say.

I wish for these flies to die.

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

Granted. Now you've gotta worry about the pissed off frogs.

I wish I had a talent.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted. You have a talent for failing.

I wish I didn't have to make dinner today.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, your stomach is missing so you don't need food ever again! Enjoy the internal bleeding!

I wish for an end to violence.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, now everything is solved peacefully and without anyone even getting angry. It's so peaceful that you can't take it and start bazooka'ing it up like it's 1985.

I wish for money for pizza.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but someone beats you up and steals them from you.

I wish for chewing gum.

 

[steeple]

granted, you now have a gum that's chewing you...

I wish for happiness and sunshine

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but you're too happy to notice that the sun is giving you a heatstroke.

I wish for awesome music.

 

[steeple]

granted [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ]

I wish to be able to read the entire funniest joke in the world (that from monty python) without suffering from death or any other injury