Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but you are unable to say or do anything funny ever again, because you know it would be nothing compared to that joke.

I wish I could fly.

 

[steeple]

granted, you are now being chased by lex luthor...

I wish morrowind would stop crashing...

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, now it just runs really slow.

I wish that seagulls would work like Wind Waker.

 

[SixWingedAsura]

Granted, but Hyoi Pears don't exist, so you can't control them.

And they poo on you.

I wish I had a lifetime supply of coffee, coffee filters, creamer and sugar.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you lost the key for the storage where you've kept it all.

I wish for the ghost of Michael Crichton.

 

[VaudevillianVeteran]

Granted. Now it's haunting the shit out of you along with 90 other ghosts.

I wish for more free time.

 

[steeple]

Spoiler: granted, enjoy!

I wish for something exciting to happen, like an asteriod crash...

or a delivery of mini-pizzas...

 

[Robert632]

Granted. An asteroid made of mini-pizzas crashes into you.

I wish for tofu.

 

[steeple]

granted, you're now eating tofu... that's enough of a torment, isnt it?

I wish I wish I was a fish...

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you're a goldfish. Now to flush you.

I wish Heroes would happen.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, too bad the heroes are fighting for the wrong side and destroy your town!

I wish I hadn't been to lazy to Google Heroes.

 

[Dr.Susse]

True but now you're addicted it.

I wish Dylan Moran was president.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, he's the president of the chess club!

I wish I had the skills of a drummer.

 

[Flamezdudes]

Granted, but every drum kit you use immediately breaks.

I wish I had a large Gundam mech.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but it is immediately stolen by the person you hate most.

I wish for a voice call.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, someone in a far off and distant France is calling out to you right now. Too bad you can't hear them...

I wish a snake would find its way into my boss's house.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but it's Snake Plisken and all he does is raid the fridge.

I wish for an 80s reference.

 

[The Thinker]

Granted, but its the 0280's, so you don't get it.

I wish for precisely 279,643,201 tea cups, situated in a manner so that they shall not harm anything I like.

 

[steeple]

granted, you now have to count every single one to make sure the quantity is correct

I wish that my wish wont be tampered with in any way...

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you get to make sure all those tea cups are filled with a precise amount of tea, at exactly the right temperature.

I wish for a ball of forest green yarn.