Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[TimothyJames]

Granted, but then you spend the rest of your life cursed with the understanding of everything to come, essentially destroying any surprises in your life

I wish to be more organised

 

[Athol]

Granted, you are dismembered and sorted alhpabeticly in several filing cabnets.

I wish I had bacon

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but it's way too old to eat.

I wish I had better memory.

 

[steeple]

granted, you now remember every embarrassing little thing you've ever done...

I wish I was more fabulous

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, you become a drag queen.

I wish I had more time to read.

 

[steeple]

granted [http://longestjokeintheworld.com/]...

I wish to meet a guy/gal who's legal name is schlong (I have modest desires in life)...

 

[Timberwolf0924]

Granted, but it's your child..

I wish, for an Asari bride..

 

[Athol]

Granted, but because she's an alien she's taken by the government the moment the ceremony ends, never to be seen again.

I wish to be a better dancer.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. You're now the best in the world...at lap dances.

I wish I had the digestive/cardiovascular system to eat some of Epic Meal Time's signature creations without dying.

 

[ZehMadScientist]

Granted, you won't die, but it will hurt like hell nonetheless.

I wish I could drink alcohol without getting wasted.

 

[JLML]

Granted, it's like drinking water now. In fact, it's EXACTLY like drinking water. All alcoholic drinks turn into water the moment you drink them.

I wish I could get access to the nuclear weapons reserves of Russia and the USA so that my plan to create a nuclear apocalypse can finally be put into action.

 

[Timberwolf0924]

Granted, but as soon as you lauch them.. The Rapture happens..

I wish for super strength!

 

[Idsertian]

Granted, but you are feared and shunned throughout the societies of the world.

I wish for bi-weekly Jimquisitions!

EDIT: Woot for the new player late to the party?

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but he spends every episode mocking you relentlessly.

I wish for cough medicine to taste good.

 

[Athol]

Granted, in fact it tastes so good that you become addicted to cough medicine and die of an overdose.

I wish for my own plane

 

[Idsertian]

Granted, but it doesn't have any wings.

I wish Sony would recant and allow a FFVII remake on PS3.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but it's unavoidably not what everyone hopes it would be.

I wish that dub-step never existed.

 

[Idsertian]

Granted, but now all dub-step fans flock to Justin Beiber and promote him relentlessly.

I wish I hadn't made my last post, as I somehow managed to get Sony and Square mixed up. Derp.

 

[TheLastSamurai14]

Granted. Square never existed. (You monster!)

I wish everyone would stop clamoring for a Final Fantasy VII remake. Final Fantasy V and IX are obviously more deserving.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but now they are clamouring for a remake of X-2.

I wish for more people to like ff 12