Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[ShindoL Shill]

Granted.
It features none of the original cast and it's completely different.

I wish for an electrical generator that creates power from milk. Just milk.

 

[Silverslith]

Granted, but it only runs off the milk produced by pregant, 92 year old Mongolian tanners, and you have to milk them yourself.

I wish every time I sneezed some random person was resurrected.

 

[wintercoat]

Granted, however you only resurrect deranged serial killers, who go on a killing spree, slaughtering millions. You also now have hay fever.

I wish physics worked the way it does in video games.

 

[StormShaun]

Oh whoops, I thought you said anime instead of video games. MASS BLOODY NOSE!

You die! Plus Game Over.

I wish I had a sexy maid.

 

[drmigit2]

Granted, a very sexy man who is also a rapist and has 5 accounts of murder that he was suspiciously released from, have fun!

I wish for a giant robot that is my best friend and would take me everywhere and be named steve.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but Steve accidentally sits on you, crushing you.

I wish for better internet.

 

[Silverslith]

Granted, but then you get hacked and the $14.25 you have been squirreling away in your bank account gets siphoned off by a Kony fanatic.

I wish I had the house to myself today.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted. Your family isn't around when the mafia hits the wrong house and murders you alone.

I wish for a gun.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted, the bad thing is that it has no firing pin, bullets....and a grenade attached to it.

Yeah, might wanna run. >_0

I wish for the happy ending for Mass Effect 3.

 

[GmonXyZ]

Granted, every form of life is dragged into a black hole and life ceases to exist.

Non-sentient AI will control the destiny of this universe.

I wish to be assimilated by the Borg.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Granted, but as the "new guy" you must clean their robotic doom-toilets.

I wish for a time machine.

 

[wintercoat]

Granted. It immediately transports you to the creation of the universe where you are instantly destroyed in it's making.

I wish for a pleasant evening.

 

[Silverslith]

Granted, but when you say your wish you slur a bit and it sounds like "pheasant", so you shrink down and find yourself up the anus of a pheasant for the night.

I wish I had a wand that, when waved in a special way and pointed at someone, it would force them to speak the absolute truth.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Granted, but it turns out that life is pointless and everyone hates you.

I wish for a pet dog that is not rabid, unfriendly, or dead.

 

[Silverslith]

Granted, he's super friendly (as in you can't get him off you) and he has a disgusting skin condition which includes weeping sores and highly visible parasites. His name is Mipsy.

I wish Lisa Lampanelli would burst into flame, over and over and over.

 

[StormShaun]

Granted but she does it in your room whilst you are sleeping!

I wish for more decorative skulls.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Granted, but she'll only do it when she's hugging you.

Granted, they are human and the police have been notified.

I wish I had a portal gun.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but it only shoots blue portals.

I wish for wealth beyond my wildest dreams.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Too bad you were only able to dream up about three bucks. >.>

I wish I could be done with homework forever.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you are forever burdened by schoolwork.

I wish I could stay in England.