Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[MrCollins]

Granted, but the water is fetid.

I wish for my exams to be over.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, you shall receive a U grade for all of the ones you have not yet taken.

I wish for a time machine.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but it can only take you to evil alternate time-lines and it runs on anything you don't have available.

I wish for the ability to jump forward 6 hours.

 

[Kirov Reporting]

Granted, but you've already done it and now you're stood as nature made you in the middle of a corn field with an angry farmer pointing a gun at you, and no idea how you got there.

I wish for a 'destroy everything' button.

 

[Headsprouter]

Yeah, okay, but it's kind of falsely advertised. It's actually a "destroy everything in a 100ft radius button.

I wish these snakes weren't on this plane.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, the snakes are in your luggage.

I wish I could make myself go to sleep earlier than this. >.>

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, it takes up your entire bathroom.

I wish I could read minds.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Granted, it takes up your entire bathroom.

Dude, an entire bathroom as my bathtub! That's aces dude! We have a toilet downstairs, so that would rock!

OT: Granted, you can't control who you hear and you hear EVERYONE around you, with no way to silence the noise.

Oh, by the way, bathtub is filled with cobras. Did I forget to mention that?

I wish I could fly.

 

[Porygon-2000]

Granted, you can't land though. Enjoy the stratosphere!

I wish I wasn't late.

 

[roozie1]

granted but you got fired
i want a new car

 

[MrCollins]

Granted, but it is a Volkswagen Beetle.
I wish someone would welcome roozie to the escapist?

 

[kailus13]

Granted but it's the Escapists designated madman.

I wish someone would tell me how to get the rainbow badge.

 

[Teoes]

Granted, but it is now unavailable.

I wish someone would tell me the answers to the Doomsday Arcade quiz so I could get that nuke badge. (Bonus - I wish someone would come in and lord it over people for their silly petty desire to get badges.)

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but it glitches out your account so you can't post any more.

I wish my internet wouldn't keep failing. :/

 

[kailus13]

Granted, now it doesn't work at all.

I wish for a comfortable sofa.

 

[Headsprouter]

Granted, but that's my spot.

I wish I was a badass at exam technique.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but it's still cheating....

I wish it was spring for ever.

 

[Porygon-2000]

Granted, the earth suddenly grinds to a halt in its orbit, thus dooming life on this planet.

I wish I had remembered to stock up on anti-crazy pills.

 

[Hemlock]

Granted, you have all the anti-crazy pills and everyone will kill you to get one.
I wish I had an unsuspecting van.

 

[Porygon-2000]

Granted, it works so well people don't even know its there.
"Oh, hello, Mr Semi-Trailer-*CRASH*"

I wish I had about 60 more posts under my belt.