Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. But someone misunderstood and pied over your ham.

I wish I could eat anything without getting fat.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, instead the fat collects in a balloon suspended above the head that follows your everywhere, the sight and smell forever with you.

I wish for my own Baymax.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will die by your hands... as foretold by the cliche storytelling prophecy of old...

I wish I was rich man! (Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.)

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. You get killed by criminals who are trying to steal all of your monies.

I wish for long and happy life.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Enjoy that life - ON MARS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

I wish for bean paste.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the "paste" part of bean paste is actually glue... (Mmmmmmmmm... Tasty, right?)

I wish to be a Muppet!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but you're fired shortly after because of lay offs.

I wish for steady income.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. You are now a member of the NSA. Your desk is in the basement. O_O

I wish for a bowl of those mangoes from the Philippines.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. However they are all infected with some deadly disease.

I had a pilot license.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the license only covers piloting virtual airplanes...

I wish I was a Host!

 

[Barbas]

Granted. All the other players in the server hate you. :<

I wish I was Lord Potato.

 

[nimbylive]

Granted, but your DOTA 2 account will be hacked.

I wish to be listed in the credits of Elder Scrolls VI.

 

[Silence]

Granted, you will be listed as the one who almost made the game not happen.

I wish I never have to work.

 

[Barbas]

Wish granted. AAAAAH, YOUR ARMS AND LEGS ARE GONE. Cyborgs!

I wish for a slice of peach cobbler, mmm-mmmmm!

 

[PainInTheAssInternet]

The peaches used are a decade old.

I wish for a snuggle.

 

[Barbas]

Granted - Wolfman, would you do the honours?

I wish for an interview with Andy Serkis.

 

[FPLOON]

The "Andy Serkis" in question is actually just a random, aggravated ape in a mo-cap suit...

I wish I had a Gem!

 

[Barbas]

Granted - take this conflict diamond that's currently being sought by Interpol, the KGB, the FBI, the CIA, the PLA and Run DMC.

I wish for a bag of strawberry licorice.

 

[QuietCupOfTea]

Granted, but whatever you do you can't get it open.

I wish for a good night's sleep.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Vaermina's curse of week-long sleep upon thee!

I wish for a day out with Wallace and Gromit.