Science Figures Out How to Deal With the Zombie Apocalypse

[MrPop]

I remember hearing this report on BBC Radio 4. I never thought that they'd talk about a zombie plan on such a middle class radio station! Although they were concentrating more on how it could apply to real world scenarios.

 

[Orang.Otang]

The Zombie Apocolypse is already well underway... Big Brother fans and Daily Mail degenerates making up the majority of the population. The epitome of zombie behaviour today has to be that 'Start Thinking Soldier' campaign... entirely brain-washing and desensitizing.

So to survive... We're screwed.

 

[PopcornAvenger]

So we attack the zombies?

Are you sure?

Yeah, a small piece of dreck totally berefit of any interesting or meaningful "solution" and your title's misleading.

I was expecting something like "synthesized brain extract coating converted giant mulchers to turn zombies into plant food"

Another victory for the Plants!

 

[The Austin]

Fortify an old wal mart, stock up on guns and start a survivor colony.

This was my exact same idea - especially since most Wal-Marts are located next to a Home Depot.

....BRILLIANT! I never thought of that, and it's so true!

And they already have guns and plenty of ammo there...along with tons of food! Screw malls and all their glass doors. God why didn't I think of that! Must notify my Zombie Apocolypse Response Team!!

...Or we could shack up in a bass pro shop!
Think about it:
Guns and ammo galore, lots of protein bars, and even a huge fish tank!
We could get a never ending stream of fish!
(as long as they keep making babies)

 

[Zhalath]

You guys are forgetting that ANYTHING needs energy to move. If there IS a virus outbreak, and people ARE reduced to braindead shufflers, chances are they dont remember how to eat. or drive cars. Or speak. I call zombie population dying out within the week. They still need 1500 Calories a day, more cause they're constantly moving. I'd get out, come back when my food is low to find a bunch of idiot zombies starved to death.

Exactly. Who knows, maybe they'll start eating each other.

 

[C0nn0r666]

Bullets run out, guns can jam, chainsaws run out of gas and you can get really tired swinging a bat all day. Best bet is to run.

And running doesn't tire?

Hiding would be your best bet.

sooner or later there going to find you

 

[mannaroth]

Solution:"I just shoot from the hip, and I aim for the head"

 

[SamuelT]

And running doesn't tire?

Hiding would be your best bet.

sooner or later there going to find you

Again, they won't if you run? Eventually you'll tire and need to rest.

 

[BonerMacTittyPants]

I'm still waiting for the Large Hadron Collider to release the hordes of xen.

I got my trusty crowbar ready for dem headcrab zombies.

 

[awesomebillfromdawsonville]

A sledgehammer and a shotgun.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

You guys are forgetting that ANYTHING needs energy to move. If there IS a virus outbreak, and people ARE reduced to braindead shufflers, chances are they dont remember how to eat. or drive cars. Or speak. I call zombie population dying out within the week. They still need 1500 Calories a day, more cause they're constantly moving. I'd get out, come back when my food is low to find a bunch of idiot zombies starved to death.

The average human brain weighs 1,300 - 1,400 grams. Beef brain is 590 calories per serving which is 391 grams. The average brain is approximately 3.5 servings. Thus 2065 calories.

That's 1 1/4 hunting days per catch. At which point they can go into torpor but save enough energy (as they have no automatic systems) so they can reach and grab crows.

 

[GrinningManiac]

YES! THE TIME IS NOW! COME MEN, LET US BURN THE SICK!

[HEADING=1]FOR SCIENCE![/HEADING]

This is utterly awesome that actual researchers figured out the zombie apocalypse. And have proven that it is actually a legitimate threat. Take THAT everyone who mocked my zombie survival kit.

RAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH, HEY ZOMBIE, BET YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE 3RD LAW OF MOTION...OF MY FIST!

 

[Satin6T]

Psh slow as zombies? seriously?
fuck that we would rock slow, shambling zombies

unless of course guns are outlawed, thanks for the zombies taking over the world Obama
bam political satire

 

[nerfando]

I'm thinking that a virus that could potentially overthrow a human body's physical/chemical defenses would show signs of slow movement and response when controlling the human body's motor functions...at first.

However, with time, couldn't this virus evolve? Couldn't this virus adapt and become more accustomed to the human body? Logically, I see this as being a more probable scenario.

If so, we would have to hit them hard and fast in order to take advantage of their parasitic learning curve or we might find ourselves dealing with more agile and capable mutations of the original virus - L4D's Hunter comes to mind.

 

[CrashTestZombie]

So, it took a bunch of scientists watching zombie movies to say this:

"Hit them fast and hit them hard... decapitating them will kill them for good"?

Why thank you, detective obvious!

I honestly think, after hearing the things spewn out by "scientists" and "researchers" over the last few weeks, I think, nay, conclude that scientists and researchers have run out of smart things to say.

Not that it isn't fun to read this...

 

[Kingflynn0910]

Wait, it took who knows how much money, a roomful of guys who I bet have never experienced a zombie apocalypse through a controller, to tell US gamer nerds (assuming that people who actually post on here are nerds) that shooting a zombie in the head, or disabling the spine kills it... mmm ingenious conclusion Professor Sherlock...

 

[Timtimfed]

Did anyone else laugh at Professor Robert Smith?

 

[CounterAttack]

I say we should start the research and production of W40k Space Marine power armour, chainswords and heavy bolters. Problem dealt with.