SCP's GONE SEXUAL

fOx

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A little while ago, there was a minor controversy where the SCP website hosted a pro LGBT flag on their website. This followed an event where they received criticism for an scp article about a trans satellite that reads homestuck and has a TUmblr account. The scp website received a great deal of harassment from right wing trolls as a result of these minor controversies, but thankfully remained steadfast in their support of minority communities. I am glad that the SCP Foundation is willing to stand up for progressive values, and seeks to promote positive representation of various identity groups. In honor of a site that is willing to take a stand against negative stereotypes of minority groups, I will be reviewing the top 5 SCP'S of all time.

SCP-166:
SCP 166 is a teenage catholic school girl. SCP 166 greatly values her purity and virginity. SCP 166 is almost always naked, since the mere touch of fabric is too hard on her porcelain skin. This is problematic, as the mere sight of her puts 100% of males into heat, at which point they will try to forcefully procreate with her. Because this makes her the holy grail for sexual conversion therapists, the SCP foundation must keep her locked away and guarded underground by an all female squad of soldiers. SCP 166 does not require food and water, as she is able to survive off of human semen alone. Regular shipments of human semen are provided by a local sperm bank, though it may also be provided by on site personal in emergency situation (like during a world wide pandemic, presumably). Despite institute restrictions on there being any images of her whatsoever, I found no lack of images online.

SCP-3684:
SCP 3684 is a cowboy sex doll than animates when a subject expresses interest in it (because even SCP's understand the value of consent). It will then make love to its partner, according to their desires. Upon climaxing, it will scream "I'm gonna pump you full of lead!" It will then ejaculate 3 liters (holy shit!) of lead into its partner, impregnating them, regardless of whether they are male of female. The subject will then experience and accelerated pregnancy before birthing another instance of SCP 3684. When one instance of SCP 3684 is having sex, all other instances in the area will migrate to that area and voice interest in taking part in the gang bang.

SCP-847:
SCP 847 is a woman hating mannequin that attempts to hoard all of the men in the area for itself. It will attempt to murder any female on site, as it sees them as competition for the valuable males in the area. When there are only males in the area, SCP 847 will dress in revealing clothing, make audible whimpers, grunts, and moans, and shake in anticipation. For this reason it has a private guard made up entirely of gay men. Only XY men who identify as men may come into contact with SCP-847, as it not only hates women, but is apparently deeply transphobic as well.

SCP-4969 (heheh):
SCP 4969 is a condom that increases the pleasure of the user. It is also guaranteed to impregnate the partner of the user. Readers will recognize that these two things are the opposite of what condoms usually do. Though initially excited by the discovery, the 05 council quickly had the SCP locked away upon realizing that they had gotten their mistresses pregnant after a night out on the club, and she totally was going to keep the baby, and what the fuck are they gonna tell their wife, maybe they can just pay her off, an-

SCP-829:
The article assumes that the user is female, because it is transphobic. SCP 829 is a bottle of nail polish that transforms its user into a dominatrix. When applied to the users nails, the user will immediately seek out a human male victim to seduce and fuck. The nail polish acts as an aphrodisiac for both the user and her victim. She will then tie him down and scratch his body with her nails while he cries out in pain. Eventually the pain of the event will overwhelm the pleasure, and the victim will expire. Turning the woman into a literal man eater, or a femme fatal, allows the bottle to collect a regular supply of blood from its victims.
 

fOx

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The scp website is a fount of excellent creative writing, and positive representations of women and minorities. I just wanted to highlite their progressive storytelling values.
 

Kwak

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Perhaps explain what scp is or stands for for a start?
 

Dalisclock

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Perhaps explain what scp is or stands for for a start?
Secure. Contain. Protect.
AKA the SCP Foundation(otherwise just called "The Foundation")

However, everything is also referred to as an SCP, as in SCP--<Insert Number here>. Confused yet?

Think the X-Files/Fringe/Delta Green/X-COM, but an entire worldwide secret organization. They get funding, personnel and government support through something something LOOK OVER THERE!*Memory Erasure*

At least a quarter of everything is Lovecraft nightmare creatures and apocalypse scenarios and there's almost guaranteed to be some article that either scares, disturbs or just grosses you out(like the IKEA which you can't escape from once you enter, is infinitely large and full of faceless nightmare employees....so almost like a real IKEA). The fact there's an entire page full of various types of Apocalypse scenarios(not just scenarios, but types of scenarios) is telling. It almost rivals Warhammer 40K for just how ridiculously grimdark it can get.

There's a bunch of other stuff too, but weirdly none of it is officially canon due to being a wiki. So you get interpretations that range from The Foundation being made up by a bunch of creepy amoral sociopaths who enjoy poking every supernatural hornets nest to the best hope for humanity in a universe that is extremely hostile to human life and civilization. There's a number of other organizations mentioned as well along the same lines but tend to have their own interests and methods.
 
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XsjadoBlayde

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Did it really take this long, or was it only recently noticed? Crowdsourced storytelling on the internet falls towards the sexual like gravity powered by hormones instead or gravitons.
 

fOx

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HENTAI GODDESS!!! (scp 4960)

Fans have recently brought to my attention the existence of SCP 4960, a buxom sex goddess that requires the worship of thirsty men in order to survive. In order to meet this need, the SCP foundation created a fund that pays for porn commisions of said character, and even pays an animation studio to create erotic video's of said goddess. This highlights the scp foundation as a patron of the arts. DUMMY THICC compared to SCP 166's bony, white ass.

Said artwork can be found online, for archival purposes.

1597968103109.png
(This writers rendition of what she probably looks like)
 

fOx

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Wait did the SCP website state that being LGBTQXZY+ was an SCP?
Im sure it's in there somewhere. They've already made memes an scp. They really need to implement atleast some level of quality control.
 

Schadrach

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This followed an event where they received criticism for an scp article about a trans satellite that reads homestuck and has a TUmblr account.
That's the one with the planet destroying satellite dual-entity that shows up to earth, hides on the dark side of the moon and decides not to blow it up because it read Homestuck and Tumblr and now one part identifies as a trans woman and does drawings on commission while the other tries to understand why the first won't do what they are meant to do, right?

I found the whole using Homestuck references for the -'s instead of the normal enumeration a weird tone break. It is also just full of Homestuck references of the sort that are normally frowned upon. It also felt like an overt self-insert of the sort that's rarely well done (to the point that by the end of my first read I was like "This is definitely a self insert written by a trans woman Tumblrina hardcore Homestuck fan" and I was only half right - it was created by two of them and isn't a *self* insert because -LYRE is a composite of several people similar to the two of them and -LORD is based on someone else they know personally). The SCP admins gave it "PROTECTED" status, which means it cannot be downvoted, edits require admin approval and comments are locked - this is a status nominally created to combat brigading that literally only applies to this one SCP and there are no guidelines for when or if it should ever be applied to anything else and is indefinite in duration.

Normally I'd agree with you, but from reading the OP it seemed something best to have someone else google.
Eh, he picked what are some of the more overtly sexual SCPs for the thread. Most of it is creepy pasta type things, and the organization that catalogues and contains them. The powerful, world spanning Foundation that often employs truly horrible means to maintain containment (SCP-231, anyone?), including sometimes intentionally sacrificing D-class employees to them (the "D" is for "disposable" and most are terrible people scheduled to die anyways, aside from the arbitrary number of clones of the same 8 year old boy that they raise and indoctrinate to supplement the supply).

On the other hand, there are also things like the Tupac CD where one of the songs is replaced with a rap about an unsolved crime that is satisfied to remain in containment so long as the Foundation leaks the details to law enforcement. When they stopped, it posted to YouTube. Or any SCP related to Doctor Wondertainment which are generally incredibly powerful things meant as children toys with little regard for things like safety. Or on similar lines (though not a Wondertainment product) the nerf gun that nerfs whatever it hits.
 

Dalisclock

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Eh, he picked what are some of the more overtly sexual SCPs for the thread. Most of it is creepy pasta type things, and the organization that catalogues and contains them. The powerful, world spanning Foundation that often employs truly horrible means to maintain containment (SCP-231, anyone?), including sometimes intentionally sacrificing D-class employees to them (the "D" is for "disposable" and most are terrible people scheduled to die anyways, aside from the arbitrary number of clones of the same 8 year old boy that they raise and indoctrinate to supplement the supply).
Though the whole D-class thing is sketchy. The standard answer is "Death Row Inmates" but even in a world as shitty as the SCPverse I have a hard time believing there are nearly enough people on Death row on the entire planet to be able to sacrifice them so willy-nilly have have nobody notice where they're all going to. Which leads to more disturbing and frightening theories, such that the foundation basically just grabs people who won't be noticed or who are socially ostracized off the street.

That aside, not all of them are horrible. There's a few that are rather nice or just interesting.