Seduce Me Review

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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Seduce Me Review

Even a bit of slap and tickle can't spice up this dud.

Read Full Article
 

Fappy

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Jan 4, 2010
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LOL

The game opens, in classic porn style...
The funny thing is that aside from all the T&A (&C&P&BJ&GB)...
I can see right through you Mr. Chalk. You just played this game because you knew you'd have a blast writing about it XD
 

LordFish

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May 29, 2012
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Fappy said:
I can see right through you Mr. Chalk. You just played this game because you knew you'd have a blast writing about it XD
It was actually a blast reading about it, very interesting review +10
 

Sixcess

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Feb 27, 2010
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I'm still waiting on the edge of my seat for your review of Farming Simulator 2013 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.392069-Farming-Simulator-2013-Plows-a-Hardcore-Launch-Trailer] but this is weird enough for now.

Fun review to read, though the game itself (inevitably) sounds terrible.

If only Bioware would get into dating/sex sims. They could drop all that slightly clunky combat gameplay they insist on forcing upon us and focus on the stuff they're actually good at.
 

Lvl 64 Klutz

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Apr 8, 2008
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Andy Chalk said:
The objective is simple: hit it so hard that whosoever can pull you out will be crowned the rightful King of England.
The single best innuendo ever written. EVER.
 

Fappy

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Jan 4, 2010
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Formica Archonis said:
Migs said:
Aww, no video review?
Pixelization filters cost money.
Age gate ftw!

Considering The Jimquisition is "technically pornography" the precedent has already been set!
 

knight steel

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Jul 6, 2009
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Andy Chalk said:
Seduce Me Review

Even a bit of slap and tickle can't spice up this dud.

Read Full Article
Dear mr:chalk we the escapist demand a video review of this game in order to verify your claims :p
 

tehroc

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Jul 6, 2009
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Sixcess said:
I'm still waiting on the edge of my seat for your review of Farming Simulator 2013 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.392069-Farming-Simulator-2013-Plows-a-Hardcore-Launch-Trailer] but this is weird enough for now.

Fun review to read, though the game itself (inevitably) sounds terrible.

If only Bioware would get into dating/sex sims. They could drop all that slightly clunky combat gameplay they insist on forcing upon us and focus on the stuff they're actually good at.
You mean two to three flirts and its off to black screen?
 

Sixcess

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Feb 27, 2010
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tehroc said:
You mean two to three flirts and its off to black screen?
Yup.

The conversations are easily the best bit of the romances in any Bioware game. They're good at writing that kind of light, often funny, innuendo driven conversation. The end scenes on the other hand, are usually awkward at best, and unintentionally hilarious at worst, so we're not missing much when it fades to black. Imagination is sexier.

In any case, if all you want is the visuals, why settle for less than the real thing? I hear there's quite a lot of actual naked people on the internet...
 

BrotherRool

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Oct 31, 2008
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The developers probably still laughing his way to the bank though. Controversy + low production costs/effort = winning
 

cynicalsaint1

Salvation a la Mode
Apr 1, 2010
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Its too bad too.
It'd be nice to see a game to tackle sex and actually succeed and be fun and interesting. I'd really like to see a good game about sex that was more than just wank material. I mean wank material is easy enough to get a hold of after-all.
 

BehattedWanderer

Fell off the Alligator.
Jun 24, 2009
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And this is why I love the Escapist. Professional reviews that admit the game about spankin' it doesn't quite pay enough in the bank to spank to. Beautiful. Also:

Lvl 64 Klutz said:
Andy Chalk said:
The objective is simple: hit it so hard that whosoever can pull you out will be crowned the rightful King of England.
The single best innuendo ever written. EVER.
If ever there was a line of comedic encouragement from one party to another, that should be it.
 

Hagi

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Apr 10, 2011
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What's with all the coverage of this game?

Is simply having a some explicit content really enough to warrant several news articles, a review and a column? Because as this review itself states that's apparently the only distinguishing feature of this game.

I mean I get that this stuff probably generates hits which are desirable but surely there's an actually interesting porn game somewhere, I hear Japan has quite a lot of them.
 

Evil Smurf

Admin of Catoholics Anonymous
Nov 11, 2011
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alright, so either watch porn or play another game. Nice review though.
 

Dooly95

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Jun 13, 2009
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BehattedWanderer said:
And this is why I love the Escapist. Professional reviews that admit the game about spankin' it doesn't quite pay enough in the bank to spank to. Beautiful. Also:

Lvl 64 Klutz said:
Andy Chalk said:
The objective is simple: hit it so hard that whosoever can pull you out will be crowned the rightful King of England.
The single best innuendo ever written. EVER.
If ever there was a line of comedic encouragement from one party to another, that should be it.
Isn't this actually a line from a comedy routine/movie/TV show?

Nice review, I too am looking forward to the review of the highly anticipated Farming Simulator 2013.
 

OniaPL

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Nov 9, 2010
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Hagi said:
What's with all the coverage of this game?

Is simply having a some explicit content really enough to warrant several news articles, a review and a column? Because as this review itself states that's apparently the only distinguishing feature of this game.

I mean I get that this stuff probably generates hits which are desirable but surely there's an actually interesting porn game somewhere, I hear Japan has quite a lot of them.
You know how it is. After the initial news articles hit, people became curious about the game. After people become curious about the game, different websites (including the Escapist) will keep writing about in hopes of views. This game would have completely passed under the radar, but because Steam didn't want to sell it, now everyone writes about it.

I do have to question whether or not this review had to be written however. Should we expect a review on "Kindergarten Killer"?
 

Susan Arendt

Nerd Queen
Jan 9, 2007
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OniaPL said:
Hagi said:
What's with all the coverage of this game?

Is simply having a some explicit content really enough to warrant several news articles, a review and a column? Because as this review itself states that's apparently the only distinguishing feature of this game.

I mean I get that this stuff probably generates hits which are desirable but surely there's an actually interesting porn game somewhere, I hear Japan has quite a lot of them.
You know how it is. After the initial news articles hit, people became curious about the game. After people become curious about the game, different websites (including the Escapist) will keep writing about in hopes of views. This game would have completely passed under the radar, but because Steam didn't want to sell it, now everyone writes about it.

I do have to question whether or not this review had to be written however. Should we expect a review on "Kindergarten Killer"?
Did it have to be written? No, of course not. But in addition to informing (and many readers were genuinely curious about this game), we also strive to entertain. We knew going in that this review would end up rather goofy, and I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
 

OniaPL

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Nov 9, 2010
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Susan Arendt said:
OniaPL said:
Hagi said:
What's with all the coverage of this game?

Is simply having a some explicit content really enough to warrant several news articles, a review and a column? Because as this review itself states that's apparently the only distinguishing feature of this game.

I mean I get that this stuff probably generates hits which are desirable but surely there's an actually interesting porn game somewhere, I hear Japan has quite a lot of them.
You know how it is. After the initial news articles hit, people became curious about the game. After people become curious about the game, different websites (including the Escapist) will keep writing about in hopes of views. This game would have completely passed under the radar, but because Steam didn't want to sell it, now everyone writes about it.

I do have to question whether or not this review had to be written however. Should we expect a review on "Kindergarten Killer"?
Did it have to be written? No, of course not. But in addition to informing (and many readers were genuinely curious about this game), we also strive to entertain. We knew going in that this review would end up rather goofy, and I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
Fair enough. I intended to question whether or not it is a good thing that the game receives attention simply because it's T&A got it kicked from Steam and if it would have been better that it hadn't received any of this attention, but of course it makes sense that the site would offer what it's userbase/demographic is interesting in.