Sell the user above you!

[Neuromancer]

Have an embarassing username and don't want to become laughing stock for your forum friends? The solution is simple! Buy now our latest model of sucky usernames! Guaranteed to attract all the attention of your abusive but ultimately nice companions and save you from much unneeded angst!

 

[kailus13]

Does your lack of Eva knowledge keep you awake at night? Come get a Neuromancer, he knows slightly too much about it!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Kailus 13, a class M planet in the Escapist system. Very habitable, devoid of sentient life. 3 trillion dollars.

 

[xmbts]

Buy a Redlin, he's famous, I said so.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Limited stock! Buy now before the dazzling xmbts gets snapped up!
He'll stare at you until you fall blissfully asleep and then sing softly all through the night. What are you waiting for? Call the number on screen now!*

[sub]*Blind people don't have a choice, sorry.[/sub]

 

[Dalek Caan]

Do you like Blondes? Clowns? Sexy nurses? Women who can keep a firm grasp on your hammer?*

Then call 000-101-1811 to spend a night with the most beautiful psychotic* this side of Gotham!

[sub]*Note: Hammer is not a penis metaphor, high probability she will have a hammer on her person at all times.[/sub]

[sub]Addendum: Death by poisoning, asphyxiation and bludgeoning is likely.[/sub]

 

[Neonbob]

Have you ever wanted an undulating sculpture that may or may not be made of frozen nightmares?
Then by god have I got a thing for you! For just five payments of whatever the fuck is in your pocket, you too can have this magnificent installation placed in your house!
Terrify visitors in your living room!
Scare the ever living shit out of yourself in the bathroom!
Use it in the kitchen while cutting onions to give yourself an excuse to cry-Fear!
Even scar the kids for life by putting this unholy guardian in their rooms at night.
There's no end to the sheer versatility this piece will provide you with!
[sup]counseling required by continued use of this product is not included in purchase price[/sup]

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Don't you just hate those big fat stupid fucking whales? Amirite?! I mean really, what have they ever done for you? Well for the absolute steal of a price of £5m you can hire Neonbob to wipe them off the face of the earth, simultaneously rustling the jimmies of those sanctimonious PETA eco-hippies and the Japanese whaling industry. It's an international act of trolling the likes of which the world has never seen, the lulz had by this act will be remembered for generations to come. So get on the phone and nuke the whales today!

[sub]By agreeing to this purchase you acknowledge that we accept no responsibility for any consequent wars that brake out or any damage sustained in them.[/sub]

 

[Scarim Coral]

Just look at those fences! You'll know you at getting a bargain right there for those quality of those metal. Buy now and get those signs seen on the image for only £29.99, half price!!

 

[MammothBlade]

Wow, will you look at this mare's hair! That's no ordinary hair. That's prime-cut royal hair! Look how it flows with all that colour. That's worth every penny for some genuine quality.

 

[Headsprouter]

MammothBlade! Get your MammothBlades, here! Get you an elaborate JRPG sword for the low, low price of £199.99! But wait, buy two and we'll throw in a third blade, free of charge! We are not responsible for any broken limbs from trying to pick these swords up! Contains no actual mammoth parts!

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Want the ultimate halloween decoration? Want to trick your friends and family with a quick scare? Get this headsprouter! This extremely realistic... umm... robot, looks just like some alien abomination that was found in a crater and killed several dozens US marines who tried to contain it. Get at the cheap, cheap price of $4.99.

What was that? How can such a terrifying thing be only worth five dollars, and why is it in cage made of reinforced steel?

...

Get your own Headsprouter for $3.99, today!

We accept checks.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Do you like the colour blue, cat and turning your head back? Well you're in luck with our TizzytheTormentor!!! This little blue cat when turn its head when you want him to and best of all it has that just knowing you are there expression!!! What more do you want??? Buy him now for only £55.95! That's a huge bargain!!!

 

[Teoes]

TRADE: WTS Scarim Coral 10 gold ono

 

[kailus13]

Psst hey, want a Teoes? I know the picture ain't very clear but he's going cheap. He's a bargain you can trust me on dat.

 

[Teoes]

There may have been 12 Kailus before this one, but that just shows the perfection and level of craftsmanship in this one! Who says 13 is an unlucky number? This Kailus will prove that a fallacy! Do I have £1? £1! £2?

 

[TheYellowManalishi]

Are you tired of your boring, regular human toes? Well, worry no more! now, for the low, low price of $5,000 you can upgrade to Teoes! Teoes have been scientifically proven* to increase elctrolyte levels (The ladies love electrolytes) by 500%**
So, what are you waiting for, call NOW!

*By monkeys
**May also cause Explosive Cranial Hemorrhage

 

[White Lightning]

TheYellowManalishsi will lick Peanut Butter off any part of your body!


ANYWHERE!

Costs about tree fiddy

 

[EeveeElectro]

Why would you NOT want White lightning? Why buy a lamp when you can have white lightning to illuminate your room?
I don't have a scooby doo what that avatar is but that doesn't matter when he's on offer, 2 for £20!

Call the number on screen now to order!

080085 75755764 8587277649997 44733444499333u428909751 2

Calls cost £200/pm

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Want big guns? We have them. Want crazy* hot chicks? WE got them? Want BATMAN? WE BATMAN.

Buy this Jolteon today, and you will get ALL OF THIS, FREE!

*As judged by the qualified staff of Arkham Asylum.