Sexual Relationships

[Sad Robot]

A thought: Life is not porn.

Sadly no. Although, on a more serious note, nobody's claiming it ought to be. In fact, porn goes pretty much the opposite direction, making it seem as if sex is the ultimate point of our existence. Maybe, on a biological level, it is, but we are not limited to that. The thing is, people already tend to love more than one person, and it isn't considered cheating. It's only when sex enters the picture that it's a no no. If we thought of sex as less important, if it hadn't penetrated our society on every level, then maybe sexual acts wouldn't be considered "betrayal" anymore. Because I think there are far worse ways to let someone down than having sex with someone else. And there are many ways in which people can still love and care for each other even if they occasionally go and fuck others they care or don't care about. It's all about the rules really, and I think the rules need to be revised.

Polygamy almost never works in real life A second thought: People while being animals in general, are not beasts.

Monogamy is a relatively rare phenomenon in nature and whether you consider humans animals or beasts is playing around with semantics. It's not useful to argue based on how other animals behave, because we have a different set of genes and a different environment.

Why do I have to fuck 10 different women, I'm not a monkey or a lion whos status is measured by the number of females it fucks.

Why on Earth would you assume it was about status? And at any rate, no one would be forcing you to have sex.

And those of u who go with the sex with the same person is boring bullshit, most of u have not even lived with one person long enough for a proper sex-life to get boring. Maybe the problem is u, maybe u should take time to build up a proper relationship instead of fucking around like bloody chimps.

Maybe, although who are you to define a proper relationship? Who said a "proper relationship" is what we're supposed to have? Why not just friendship, caring, love and mutual pleasure?

And a third thought: Have u any idea how easy it is to get some or several venereal diseases by having an open relationship.

Now you must be joking. That risk always exists, no matter the agreed upon terms of the relationship and it is surely within every reasonable person's judgement to make that decision for themselves.

 

[Seldon2639]

A thought: Life is not porn. Polygamy almost never works in real life A second thought: People while being animals in general, are not beasts. Why do I have to fuck 10 different women, I'm not a monkey or a lion whos status is measured by the number of females it fucks.
And those of u who go with the sex with the same person is boring bullshit, most of u have not even lived with one person long enough for a proper sex-life to get boring. Maybe the problem is u, maybe u should take time to build up a proper relationship instead of fucking around like bloody chimps.
And a third thought: Have u any idea how easy it is to get some or several venereal diseases by having an open relationship.

Wow, I hate to play the role of defending non-monogamy (since I am myself a monogamous person), but you're really misinformed. I mean, off the wall misinformed.

You have no data that polygamy doesn't work (though, when we talk about open relationships, the right word would be polyamory, since there's no multiple marriage). Further, the focus purely on multiple partners had by males ignores that any successful open relationship would include agreed upon rules (which both partners agree to) which often, if not usually, include a stipulation that the woman gets multiple partners as well.

Not for nothing, but almost anyone who advocates open relationships (go read some of Dan Savage's columns, if you would) suggests that there's a proper "gestation" period of closedness before a relationship should be opened. The point is that there's nothing inherently wrong with both partners saying "we want the opportunity to have sex with other people, while maintaining the emotional intimacy, family, ect. of our current relationship". It's not for everyone, it's not for me, but it's not "bad".

The thing is, it's not fair to say as an absolute and categorical statement "polyamory is wrong, and you should get over it". If a person is honest about knowing they need to be in an open relationship at the beginning, the other person has a choice of whether they can accept that. Monogamists should date and marry monogamists, poyamorists should date and marry polyamorists. Period.

You sir are obscene, and I feel sorry for you. You're going to be very lonely.
If you ever fall in love, then maybe you'll understand what I experience each day.

<3
ditto to that. Restored my faith in men a little, thank you.

Anyway, I'm not over possessive but I don't want my fella sleeping with other ladies, it would break my heart to think of him with another woman.
Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship regardless of what 13 year old boys say, but it is a very good bonus. Iuno, it feels like we're one person and I feel so close to him. It's hard to explain.
Me and my boyfriend haven't been together for very long, we're past the "crush" stage and sex is still fantastic. If it's getting boring, then that tells you something about your relationship.

You'll find someone one day, don't worry.

That's a perfectly fine mindset, and I completely respect (and agree with) it. I would not want my girlfriend sleeping with other men, but it's not fair of any of us to treat our personal predilections as though they're the only way to roll in a relationship. If you and your boyfriend are happy, more power to you. But some people don't want or need a monogamous relationship. Some people are compatible in every way, except sex. Some men have low sex drives, so do some women, and thus are okay with their partners blowing off steam elsewhere.

If a man says to a prospective girlfriend "I don't do monogamy" he's being upfront and honest, and if she still wants to date him, she's decided to be okay with it. Some relationships are very happy, both very sexually satisfied, and just like having sex with another person/people. Hell, there's an entire male fetish centered around being "cheated" on.

Don't be judgmental about other people's sexual interests, lest someone be judgmental of yours. Let he who is without kink cast the first stone.

 

[cleverlymadeup]

Please explain it to me then. I ought to understand it if it's so simple after all.

I think you're talking about something entirely different, though. I'm arguing the complexity of reality in relation to the notions of them we base our language on. What we call an "atom" isn't an atom but a simplification, a notion, an approximation of the truth, because that's the nature of science. You really slept through those classes, didn't you?

i HAVE explained it and you don't get it, so it's no use explain it again to you because once again you won't comprehend what i'm saying

 

[Sad Robot]

Please explain it to me then. I ought to understand it if it's so simple after all.

I think you're talking about something entirely different, though. I'm arguing the complexity of reality in relation to the notions of them we base our language on. What we call an "atom" isn't an atom but a simplification, a notion, an approximation of the truth, because that's the nature of science. You really slept through those classes, didn't you?

i HAVE explained it and you don't get it, so it's no use explain it again to you because once again you won't comprehend what i'm saying

So, you're not talking about the perceived complexity of matter?

 

[Yumi_and_Erea]

This is really awkward for me because I live with my girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend, the three of us in one house. I still like my ex and the feeling is mutual but we never really got it of for some reason. But here's the twist, and I swear to everything I hold dear that this is true,:

My ex asked my girlfriend out on a date about 3 weeks ago...and she said yes.

I'm cool with this, and my girlfriend says she doesn't want to break up with me, but I can't help but have this lingering thought in the back of my mind that I've become sexually desensitized.

Advice, anyone? (this seems about as approriate a thread as there's ever gonna be on the Escapist)

 

[Seanchaidh]

Go ahead and keep believing sleeping around is not a danger to anyones' health. Whatever helps you sleep at night. You may want to go have a blood test when you wake up.

Do you even know what the fuck polygamy means? It doesn't mean extramarital or casual sex, it means multiple marriages very often for the purpose of producing gobs and gobs of children.

 

[Dark Prophet]

A thought: Life is not porn.

Sadly no. Although, on a more serious note, nobody's claiming it ought to be. In fact, porn goes pretty much the opposite direction, making it seem as if sex is the ultimate point of our existence. Maybe, on a biological level, it is, but we are not limited to that. The thing is, people already tend to love more than one person, and it isn't considered cheating. It's only when sex enters the picture that it's a no no. If we thought of sex as less important, if it hadn't penetrated our society on every level, then maybe sexual acts wouldn't be considered "betrayal" anymore. Because I think there are far worse ways to let someone down than having sex with someone else. And there are many ways in which people can still love and care for each other even if they occasionally go and fuck others they care or don't care about. It's all about the rules really, and I think the rules need to be revised.

Polygamy almost never works in real life A second thought: People while being animals in general, are not beasts.

Monogamy is a relatively rare phenomenon in nature and whether you consider humans animals or beasts is playing around with semantics. It's not useful to argue based on how other animals behave, because we have a different set of genes and a different environment.

Why do I have to fuck 10 different women, I'm not a monkey or a lion whos status is measured by the number of females it fucks.

Why on Earth would you assume it was about status? And at any rate, no one would be forcing you to have sex.

And those of u who go with the sex with the same person is boring bullshit, most of u have not even lived with one person long enough for a proper sex-life to get boring. Maybe the problem is u, maybe u should take time to build up a proper relationship instead of fucking around like bloody chimps.

Maybe, although who are you to define a proper relationship? Who said a "proper relationship" is what we're supposed to have? Why not just friendship, caring, love and mutual pleasure?

And a third thought: Have u any idea how easy it is to get some or several venereal diseases by having an open relationship.

Now you must be joking. That risk always exists, no matter the agreed upon terms of the relationship and it is surely within every reasonable person's judgement to make that decision for themselves.

Well thats a first an actually forethoughtful response.That aside, yes my statments may be a bit flawed at some points but so are your responses but that is all just my point of view on things. Proper relationship?? well 2 persons who are together by choice and they are of right age(set by law) to make that choice?? Hard to tell really if we'd want a satisfying answer to that question we'd have to go very philosophical and if you'd want that you'd not read posts from here.As for the venereal diseases the risk of getting one rises exponentialy by every aditional partner you have, don't remember the rate but it was prety big.

 

[Seldon2639]

This is really awkward for me because I live with my girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend, the three of us in one house. I still like my ex and the feeling is mutual but we never really got it of for some reason. But here's the twist, and I swear to everything I hold dear that this is true,:

My ex asked my girlfriend out on a date about 3 weeks ago...and she said yes.

I'm cool with this, and my girlfriend says she doesn't want to break up with me, but I can't help but have this lingering thought in the back of my mind that I've become sexually desensitized.

Advice, anyone? (this seems about as approriate a thread as there's ever gonna be on the Escapist)

The best advice I (or likely anyone) can give you is to sit down and have an honest conversation with both your girlfriend and your ex. The three of you will need to lay down ground rules for whatever this relationship... Thing will be.

The biggest question for you to ask of yourself and your current girlfriend: is the ex going to be part of the "relationship" or ancillary fun? From what you've written, it sounds like you'd have a bit of difficulty actively sharing your girlfriend. So, you need to figure out whether this is just a bit of fun for your girlfriend and ex on the side, and the "main" relationship comes first, or the three of you will have some fun together, or if you'd honestly have to share your girlfriend qua girlfriend with your ex.

Pick a stances that makes you comfortable, and stick to your guns. The worst thing in the world would be for you to have growing resentment for the situation. Be prepared to hold the line, but only hold the line of what your comfort is. Remember that your girlfriend's main concern should be your happiness (and you hers), so try to come up with rules which you can all abide by.

If you do decide that this can only function as "we're still a couple, but we can have fun with the ex", then you'll need to hammer out what you're allowed to do and not do with each other. Demand fairness in the negotiations, and don't let yourself be emotionally blackmailed. If you can't handle any kind of non-monogamy, you have to say so right now

But, on that note, what the hell was your girlfriend doing accepting a "date" from your ex without discussing it with you first? Even if you're legitimately okay with it, a conversation about that would probably be in order.

 

[Yumi_and_Erea]

This is really awkward for me because I live with my girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend, the three of us in one house. I still like my ex and the feeling is mutual but we never really got it of for some reason. But here's the twist, and I swear to everything I hold dear that this is true,:

My ex asked my girlfriend out on a date about 3 weeks ago...and she said yes.

I'm cool with this, and my girlfriend says she doesn't want to break up with me, but I can't help but have this lingering thought in the back of my mind that I've become sexually desensitized.

Advice, anyone? (this seems about as approriate a thread as there's ever gonna be on the Escapist)

The best advice I (or likely anyone) can give you is to sit down and have an honest conversation with both your girlfriend and your ex. The three of you will need to lay down ground rules for whatever this relationship... Thing will be.

The biggest question for you to ask of yourself and your current girlfriend: is the ex going to be part of the "relationship" or ancillary fun? From what you've written, it sounds like you'd have a bit of difficulty actively sharing your girlfriend. So, you need to figure out whether this is just a bit of fun for your girlfriend and ex on the side, and the "main" relationship comes first, or the three of you will have some fun together, or if you'd honestly have to share your girlfriend qua girlfriend with your ex.

Pick a stances that makes you comfortable, and stick to your guns. The worst thing in the world would be for you to have growing resentment for the situation. Be prepared to hold the line, but only hold the line of what your comfort is. Remember that your girlfriend's main concern should be your happiness (and you hers), so try to come up with rules which you can all abide by.

If you do decide that this can only function as "we're still a couple, but we can have fun with the ex", then you'll need to hammer out what you're allowed to do and not do with each other. Demand fairness in the negotiations, and don't let yourself be emotionally blackmailed. If you can't handle any kind of non-monogamy, you have to say so right now

But, on that note, what the hell was your girlfriend doing accepting a "date" from your ex without discussing it with you first? Even if you're legitimately okay with it, a conversation about that would probably be in order.

Thanks for the advice (No really, thanks. I appreciate it.), I don't mind "sharing", it's more the fact that this will be a little difficult, as I have no experience with polyamory in the slightest. The three of us all live in the same place and if even one of us leaves, the others can't afford to stay there so cock-ups aren't exactly an option.

That, and the last thing I want to see is a cute girl crying.

Oh, and to clarify: My girfriend and my ex regularly have what's known as a girl's night out, when they'll just randomly decide they're going to the movies or whatever.

But this was the first time my ex actually asked my girlfriend out on a date.
If my girlfriend is to be believed, it was like something out of an anime, with my ex looking at the floor and twidling her fingers. Almost makes me wish I'd been there.

They didn't actually "do" anything that night other than dine and talk, something my girlfriend foresaw (bless that brain of hers), which is why she said yes.

Also, I'm not so possesive that she has to ask me whether or not she can have dinner with someone who's bedroom is two feet away from mine.

Right now my main debate is whether it's not just best to politely retreat from this relationship so that this newfound love may blossom. I adore my girlfriend and I still have feelings for my ex but I can tell that they genuinely love each other. And I don't want to get in the way of that.

We'll just have to see how it goes, I guess.

 

[Sad Robot]

Well thats a first an actually forethoughtful response.That aside, yes my statments may be a bit flawed at some points but so are your responses but that is all just my point of view on things.

How are my arguments flawed? I mean, if you don't agree with the sentiments, then that's fine by me but is there some logical fallacy in there that I haven't noticed?

Proper relationship?? well 2 persons who are together by choice and they are of right age(set by law) to make that choice?? Hard to tell really if we'd want a satisfying answer to that question we'd have to go very philosophical and if you'd want that you'd not read posts from here.

That's a real cop-out. I'm questioning the very foundation of this so-called "proper relationship". I know it's the social norm, but I don't think it has to be. If you think that makes it a deep philosophical debate, then, by all means. I've got anothing against a philosophical debate, here or anywhere else.

As for the venereal diseases the risk of getting one rises exponentialy by every aditional partner you have, don't remember the rate but it was prety big.

Well, yes, if both you and your partner have sex with multiple partners, then yes, statistically it does increase your chances of getting an STD but even if you're in a so-called monogamous relationship, how can you be sure your partner isn't having sex with other people? No matter what they tell you, there's always a risk, and increasing that risk by having sex with multiple partners yourself is obvious. If only there was some sort of contraceptive that protected you from STDs...

 

[Sad Robot]

Thanks for the advice (No really, thanks. I appreciate it.), I don't mind "sharing", it's more the fact that this will be a little difficult, as I have no experience with polyamory in the slightest. The three of us all live in the same place and if even one of us leaves, the others can't afford to stay there so cock-ups aren't exactly an option.

That, and the last thing I want to see is a cute girl crying.

Oh, and to clarify: My girfriend and my ex regularly have what's known as a girl's night out, when they'll just randomly decide they're going to the movies or whatever.

But this was the first time my ex actually asked my girlfriend out on a date.
If my girlfriend is to be believed, it was like something out of an anime, with my ex looking at the floor and twidling her fingers. Almost makes me wish I'd been there.

They didn't actually "do" anything that night other than dine and talk, something my girlfriend foresaw (bless that brain of hers), which is why she said yes.

Also, I'm not so possesive that she has to ask me whether or not she can have dinner with someone who's bedroom is two feet away from mine.

Right now my main debate is whether it's not just best to politely retreat from this relationship so that this newfound love may blossom. I adore my girlfriend and I still have feelings for my ex but I can tell that they genuinely love each other. And I don't want to get in the way of that.

We'll just have to see how it goes, I guess.

I can't really add much to what has already been said but if I were you I'd just try to tell her that I don't want to lose her, that I love her and, like you said, that you don't want to stand in the way of two people who clearly love each other.

From what you've written, you seem like an intelligent, thoughtful and caring person and I truly hope things work out for the lot of you. If you can make it work, then you're a bigger person, as is your girlfriend and your ex, than most of us and I salute you. Best of luck.

 

[Seldon2639]

Thanks for the advice (No really, thanks. I appreciate it.), I don't mind "sharing", it's more the fact that this will be a little difficult, as I have no experience with polyamory in the slightest. The three of us all live in the same place and if even one of us leaves, the others can't afford to stay there so cock-ups aren't exactly an option.

That, and the last thing I want to see is a cute girl crying.

Oh, and to clarify: My girfriend and my ex regularly have what's known as a girl's night out, when they'll just randomly decide they're going to the movies or whatever.

But this was the first time my ex actually asked my girlfriend out on a date.
If my girlfriend is to be believed, it was like something out of an anime, with my ex looking at the floor and twidling her fingers. Almost makes me wish I'd been there.

They didn't actually "do" anything that night other than dine and talk, something my girlfriend foresaw (bless that brain of hers), which is why she said yes.

Also, I'm not so possesive that she has to ask me whether or not she can have dinner with someone who's bedroom is two feet away from mine.

Right now my main debate is whether it's not just best to politely retreat from this relationship so that this newfound love may blossom. I adore my girlfriend and I still have feelings for my ex but I can tell that they genuinely love each other. And I don't want to get in the way of that.

We'll just have to see how it goes, I guess.

Well, on some level you're really going to have to man up and have an uncomfortable conversation. Bear in mind that you do get to have some feelings in the matter, and even get to say "this is out of line". For the moment, your girlfriend went out on a "date" with another person. Without defining what the rules are for this new relationship, that's just cheating, plain and simple.

This is one situation where the "just see how it goes" mindset isn't going to work. One of three things is happening here: either your girlfriend really likes this girl and wants to be with her primarily/exclusively but doesn't have the guts to break up with you; or your girlfriend likes both of you and wants to keep your relationship while adding your ex into the mix (either as a side-pocket deal, or as a real "third" part of the relationship itself); or your girlfriend was leading your ex on, knowing it wouldn't lead anywhere.

You need to put your foot down and say "I need to know what's going on here", because that's the only way you can decide how next to act. I know, for me, that the most I would be able to accept is either a complete third participant (so, we're all in a relationship with each other), or that the new girl is just a bit of extra fun. The first seems impossible here, since your ex only seems to want a relationship with your girlfriend; the second would only be possible if you're willing to put your foot down and say "either break up with me, or I stay the main relationship in your life".

But, I'm also biased, I wouldn't really be able to share my girlfriend, not in the sense of actually having to split her affection or "relationship", even with another girl.

 

[Seldon2639]

I can't really add much to what has already been said but if I were you I'd just try to tell her that I don't want to lose her, that I love her and, like you said, that you don't want to stand in the way of two people who clearly love each other.

From what you've written, you seem like an intelligent, thoughtful and caring person and I truly hope things work out for the lot of you. If you can make it work, then you're a bigger person, as is your girlfriend and your ex, than most of us and I salute you. Best of luck.

I hate to contravene the advice of another fine member of the Escapist, but putting yourself in that position, saying "I love you, I don't want to lose you", makes it much more difficult to form an open relationship on equitable terms. Either you should both want an open relationship, you shouldn't have an open relationship, or you should break up. If your girlfriend is expecting you to put up with an open relationship under terms you don't enjoy, all to avoid "losing" her, you're never going to be happy with it.

 

[Sad Robot]

I hate to contravene the advice of another fine member of the Escapist, but putting yourself in that position, saying "I love you, I don't want to lose you", makes it much more difficult to form an open relationship on equitable terms. Either you should both want an open relationship, you shouldn't have an open relationship, or you should break up. If your girlfriend is expecting you to put up with an open relationship under terms you don't enjoy, all to avoid "losing" her, you're never going to be happy with it.

I absolutely agree, maybe I wasn't as clear as I hoped and instead opted for a rather romanticized notion of the situation, but yes, absolutely. I only meant that one should make it clear that while they are willing to let the other person have freedom in terms of who they have a relationship with, it shouldn't and doesn't need to take anything away from the current relationship. If either of the parties involved does, however, want it to or feels that it must take something away from it, then that's an entirely different matter.

 

[Triskadancer]

Just sharing my thoughts-

I personally would not want an open relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly two years, and we both still find sex with one another to be sufficient. Though I'm not overly jealous, I'd be uncomfortable "sharing-" and I'm not really interested in looking elsewhere either.

However, I also think everyone else should be completely free to do what they like, so long as no one is hurt. Open relationships work wonderfully for some people, and there's no reason I should force my personal preference on some other relationship.

 

[Seanchaidh]

How is life in La-La Land?

Why don't you explain your point rather than just being a condescending prick about it? The most shocking problems with polygamy all involve coerced marriage, which any reasonable person would agree is a separate issue unto itself.

 

[quiet_samurai]

It all depends on the person you are with. I have had girlfriends, and so far every single one I have had inspired me to feel that relationships are over rated as is having a girlfriend. I have also just been the guy that the girls sleeps with and nothing else, and truthfully to me that is a lot easier to handle on the emotional scale. I'm kind of a loner at heart, I enjoy being alone somethimes and don't have to have another person to rely or lean on... ever. Open relationships have usually been the majority of all relationships I have had, although not all of them sexually open, and not all of those girls were actually considered "my girlfriend". We were either just seeing one another or dating, or she would date other guys (dinner, movie, going places) and would only sleep with me. Kinda wierd... I know, but when your really enter the dating scene you will find some weird and crazy things that go on.

 

[Silver]

Prove it.

You really need to get a reality check.

Stick to the subject instead of lowering yourself to personal insults.

How was I not sticking to the subject?

Which part? A condom, properly used, can't result in a pregnancy, and will prevent STDs. Even if it's improperly used, an abortion will take care of it.

They can break or otherwise fail.

If you're careless enough to get a disease, only four of them are incurable.

Really? In your last post you said anything can be cured.

Singe motherhood is a separate issue, and has nothing to do with free and uncontroversial sexuality. It's a social issue, and in many cases caused by tradictional, nuclear families that broke apart, or by people who had a lot of issues to begin with.

You want to do away with the nuclear family, so single motherhood is going to increase (and the reason why it's so prevalent has nothing to do with the family breaking up).

Polygamy is detrimental? Why? How? Where? Prove it.

How is life in La-La Land?

Gay couples raising children would be a catastrophe? Why? How?

Intuition.

According to studies, gay parents are on average better parents than straight parents, because unlike careless, stupid straight couples, or irresponsible single parents, they never get children unless they're completely prepared for and willing to take care of them.

You know I think that might be because they can't conceive a child. So they are no different from normal parents who are unable to conceive.

Do you know what a discussion is? If you don't stop acting like an idiot, this'll be my last attempt to communicate with you.

I need a reality check because I don't agree with you? How about you convince me you're right? You've already proven that I'm ignorant since I can't read your mind, so enlighten me.

Tinfoil hats and accusing me of paranoia is not the subject. That's when you're leaving the subject, if you can't see that, I'd have a talk with whoever raised or educated me, if I was you, because you have a way to go.

No, I said never said all STDs were cureable, I said they were treatable, and I said you could get rid of all unwanted pregnancies with 100% certainty.

I want to do away with the nuclear family as a standard. That doesn't mean there'll be single mothers running around everywhere, or that there won't be families around. You're either jumping straight to the conclusions you want, with no regard for reality, or you fail to understand the concept. Until I know which one, I can't continue to argue my point, if it's the former no matter what I say, it won't matter, because you won't listen, in the latter, it should be an easy task of informing you.

Again, insults accomplish nothing.

You're going to have to back your statements up with more than your intuition.

No, gay couples are no different than other couples who can't concieve children themselves. I never said they were. In fact, I said exactly that. It's the morons who get pregnant and can't take of their children that are the problem. I don't see how that would turn gay parents into a catastrophe. But I guess I'm stupid that way. When the facts, and simple logic tell me something is right I'm naïve enough to believe it, even if I haven't checked with you first, which of course I should, since you're infallible, and allknowing, and don't need to explain why.

 

[tsb247]

Go ahead and keep believing sleeping around is not a danger to anyones' health. Whatever helps you sleep at night. You may want to go have a blood test when you wake up.

Do you even know what the fuck polygamy means? It doesn't mean extramarital or casual sex, it means multiple marriages very often for the purpose of producing gobs and gobs of children.

Of course I do... Polyamorous(ness) is actually the correct term for simply sleeping around randomly. I know that polygamy means taking multiple wives. Other people seem to interchange them as well... I fell into the same trap. That is all. If you want me to be more precise, then I will say that polyamorousness and polygamy both carry risks with them since there are multiple sex partners in both cases.

 

[Seldon2639]

Go ahead and keep believing sleeping around is not a danger to anyones' health. Whatever helps you sleep at night. You may want to go have a blood test when you wake up.

Do you even know what the fuck polygamy means? It doesn't mean extramarital or casual sex, it means multiple marriages very often for the purpose of producing gobs and gobs of children.

Of course I do... Polyamorous(ness) is actually the correct term for simply sleeping around randomly. I know that polygamy means taking multiple wives. Other people seem to interchange them as well... I fell into the same trap. That is all. If you want me to be more precise, then I will say that polyamorousness and polygamy both carry risks with them since there are multiple sex partners in both cases.

Only the same risks as serial dating, though. The difference between sleeping with two people at the same time, and two people at different times in different relationships is largely a semantic one. Whatever risks existed with the first girlfriend exist with the second, whether I'm monogamous or not. There's no more real risk to two simultaneous relationships than to two relationships at discrete times.

If I act responsibly in both cases, the chances of catching an STI or making an unwanted baby is relatively limited (approaching so close to zero that zero's going to need a restraining order). If I act irresponsibly in both cases, there's a lot of risk. The exact timing of the relationships is irrelevant. Having sex with Becky then Lindsay has the same risks for both (especially Lindsay) than if I sleep with both of them at the same time (or, at least, have sexual relations with both of them in the same timeframe).

By the by, why is the assumption that a polyamorous relationship means "you're sleeping around"? There exist open relationships like that, but there also exist open relationships with defined outside membership and the same kind of scrutiny put into a regular sexual relationship. Similarly, no one in their right mind advocates a non-monogamous relationship consisting of "just go do whatever you want". Couples considering open relationships are counseled to make rules (especially about STI tests and contraceptives).

Finally, yes if your point it "having two partners in your lifetime is more dangerous than just having one", you're completely correct. But, given that most people have multiple partners over their lifetimes, there's no inherently added risk to non-monogamy over serial monogamy.