Simply baffling dialogue.

[Doclector]

Pretty simple. Ever heard/read any dialogue that was completely baffling, or just downright funny for all the wrong reasons?

My example would have to be buck from ODST's wise words;

"Rookie, if you ever fall for a girl, make sure she has balls."

*spits out drink* wha. I mean, are you saying...explain, Malcolm Reynolds, explain!

You can almost read the bewilderment behind the rookie's visor.

 

[Gralian]

I feel compelled to bring up the mother of all bad dialogue and flopped translations,

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

Actually, most awkwardly place dialogue can be attributed to Engrish. I'm currently playing through E.Y.E. Divine Cybermancy at the moment, and let's just say you can tell it was made by a couple of French guys in a basement. I love the game to bits, but there are times where you can read a wall of text and still go "...What?"

I think one of the most unintentionally hilarious lines of dialogue has to come from Hunted: The Demon's Forge. You spend your time fighting these Orc-like monsters called Wargar, who occasionally yell out things like "You die now!" and "Human meat!". Well, at one point during a mad firefight of bows, explosions and swinging swords i heard one of them yell out "PIGLET!". It just sounded so out of place and all of a sudden that i burst out laughing and found it hard to take them seriously ever again.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

"I'll be stand there."

Downright funny dialogue is a death-scene from Project Sylpheed which so, so easily becomes a giant gay joke.

 

[Doclector]

I feel compelled to bring up the mother of all bad dialogue and flopped translations,

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

Actually, most awkwardly place dialogue can be attributed to Engrish. I'm currently playing through E.Y.E. Divine Cybermancy at the moment, and let's just say you can tell it was made by a couple of French guys in a basement. I love the game to bits, but there are times where you can read a wall of text and still go "...What?"

I think one of the most unintentionally hilarious lines of dialogue has to come from Hunted: The Demon's Forge. You spend your time fighting these Orc-like monsters called Wargar, who occasionally yell out things like "You die now!" and "Human meat!". Well, at one point during a man firefight of bows, explosions and swinging swords i heard one of them yell out "PIGLET!". It just sounded so out of place and all of a sudden that i burst out laughing and found it hard to take them seriously ever again.

Reminds me of playing borderlands and hearing enemies shout "TIME TO POUND SOME MEAT PUPPIES!"

There are multiple ways to take that sentence. None of them are pleasant.

 

[me.vicky]

Once I had a professor who was famous around campus for a) asking his students ridiculous hypothetical questions in a very soft, disarming voice, b) filling his lectures with long, awkward pauses in which students were unsure whether or not to say anything, and c) generally being old and useless.

Case in point: "Oh, Oedipus. Killed his father, incestuous love-children with his mother. You say, 'Oh, well, he didn't know.' OH, DIDN'T HE?" *thirty second pause, staring at the class*

And: "What if you had been a shepherd? You'd stand out there all day saying, 'Look, nature. Sheep. Stars.' "

And: "If you cheat on this exam, I will throw an unpeeled pineapple at you."

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Can't forget the arcade classics! Like Captain America and the Avengers: "You cannot escape us!" "You will be the ones escaping!" (Another character responds to that line with "Why should we it goes well".) And then there's X-Men and Magneto's "Welcome to die!" intro, which was so awesome that Deadpool felt the need to parody it in MvC3.

And then there was the damsel's startled cry in the first Time Crisis: "Don't come! It's a trap!" It took my high-school friend to point out just how wrong that sounds.

 

[SckizoBoy]

'Daddy, Mommy says that if you don't start trying, he's going to end up breaking everything!'
'Little brat!'
'Watch your mouth!' - Ip Man

The music accompanying his kid as he trundles through the room was hilarious.

'Careful Master Zhang, that table's really slippery!' - Ip Man 2

The fights during that scene were great, but the dialogue just had me cracking up.

 

[Bobic]

How about when that jedi tried to seduce that senator by talking about sand. That was pretty baffling.


Edit: Thought of a couple of others

Rapey man: You're a doctor, you're meant to help people.
Awesome man: I do, you have a terminal case of stupidity *shoots man* Consider yourself cured.

Also,

Weird man: I'm getting married in two days.

If you get these references you don't get a cookie, having witnessed these scenes is reward enough.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

DMC 4

'Hey, your Dante right? Not a bad name.' - Nero

'Neither's yours' - Dante

MGS 2

'Colonel? I've got Emma Emmerich here...we've manged to avoid drowning.' - Raiden

'Good job.' - Roy Campbell

Both of these exchanges were played completely straight. Also, don't know what game it was but:

'I like girls. But now, it's about justice.'

 

[BSCCollateral]

I'm pretty sure Metal Gear Solid IV has a line like "Deny your fate, and follow your destiny!"

I really, really hope that it's a translation glitch, and that in Japanese it actually meant something.

 

[Leemaster777]

"Who else will I eat ice cream with?"

Those of you who played the game I'm talking about KNOW exactly what I'm talking about. Just... awkward wording. Almost ruined the scene it's in. Almost.

 

[Alphakirby]

I'm pretty sure Metal Gear Solid IV has a line like "Deny your fate, and follow your destiny!"

I really, really hope that it's a translation glitch, and that in Japanese it actually meant something.

That sir is the most confusing fucking line I've ever read. Only Hideo Kojima himself would write such a paradox,the man be crazy.
That takes the cake in the strangest thing I've ever fucking heard in a video game,and I never heard it before.

 

[Alphakirby]

"Who else will I eat ice cream with?"

Those of you who played the game I'm talking about KNOW exactly what I'm talking about. Just... awkward wording. Almost ruined the scene it's in. Almost.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days,right? At least I think so,those two crazy funsters always eat fucking ice cream,maybe the ice cream man put crack in it or something.

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

Resident Evil.


'Nuff said

X-Blades

Giant guardian lion thing: The power it contains is fatal to humans. Go away. Before it's too late.
Ayumi: Yeah right(as she rolls her eyes)

Such a masterful display of communicational eloquence.

 

[AceTrilby]

Not really dialogue, but after being taken down in Backbreaker Vengeance, you can often hear an opposing player yelling in a strange combination of triumph and pain.

It sounds an awful lot like one of Coach from L4D2's pain sounds.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoDMrf-v81w
The one at 3:14 in that video.

 

[Simskiller]

"Oh I love children! But I could never eat a whole one..."

Thanks Hexadecimal.

 

[nothingspringstomind]

Pretty much all the dialogue in Zone Of the Enders 2 was a bit stunted and wierd.

Really fun game but a pretty bad translation effort.

 

[scorptatious]

"This man are dead"- FF7

I thought it was "This guy are sick". Unless there is another piece of dialogue like that that I may have missed.

OT: From what I've played of MGS2 so far, Otacon's failed attempts at giving Snake Chinese proverbs every time I saved. For example, he talks about how nature must run it's course or something to that effect and then talks about how jean companies intentionally rip their jeans in order to sell more of them. Thinking about it now, it does kind of make sense, but when I first heard it I was rather baffled at Otacon's analogy.