Sith Lord Attacks Customers in Toys "R" Us

[The Wooster]

Sith Lord Attacks Customers in Toys "R" Us

A 33-year-old man faces charges after giving into the dark side in his local Toys "R" Us.

Police were called to the Toys "R" Us store in Hayden Island, Portland, last Thursday, after a witness reported one David Allen Canterbury was attacking customers with "Star Wars"-style weapons. According to a Portland Police spokesman, by the time officers arrived on the scene Darth Canterbury had exited the store, a blue toy-lightsaber in each hand.

Officers attempted to arrest Canterbury in the store car-park, but he kept on trying to hit them with his lightsabers. Two of them foolishly tried to taze the crazed Sith Lord; one tazer failed to fire and Canterbury used one of his lightsabers to deflect the second. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age, indeed.

Eventually, the police managed to wrestle Canterbury to the ground and arrest him, before shipping him off to a nearby hospital for a mental evaluation. He'll likely face charges of disorderly conduct, theft, assault, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Thankfully, none of the people Canterbury attacked needed medical attention.

Source: Oregon Live [http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2011/12/hillsboro_man_held_after_alleg.html]

Permalink

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

Who uses electricity against a Sith...silly policemen.

 

[weirdee]

Important science lesson: tasers don't work if one of the pins misses.

 

[A Raging Emo]

Tasers: Too accurate for Sand People.

 

[Druyn]

This whole fiasco would mean nothing if he hadn't deflected that tazer. Yes, its cool that one malfunctioned, but the deflection is freaking awesome!

I... But what was he using for a lightsaber? And how was he attacking people?

*pictures some random person jumping out in the corner of my eye then hitting my ear with a wooden stick coated in blue tin foil*

rrrraaaaaggggeeeee!

Or like... a blue toy lightsaber? Maybe one of the light up ones? That seems more likely.

 

[Nouw]

Using a light-saber to deflect a tazer is pretty badass and lucky. I expect to see him in a Cracked article soon.

 

[RaNDM G]

The only way this could be more perfect if if he tried to use the Jedi Mind trick on the officers on the way to the station.

"I am not under arrest. Anything I say cannot and will not be used against in me in a court of law."

rrrraaaaaggggeeeee!

33 seconds of nightmare fuel.

 

[teqrevisited]

Well he's crazy as hell, but you can't deny that blocking a tazer dart with a toy lightsaber is pretty awesome.

 

[Beryl77]

Canterbury used one of his lightsabers to deflect the second tazer

This just changes the story from funny to awesome.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Canterbury used one of his lightsabers to deflect the second tazer

This just changes the story from funny to awesome.

/thread


honestly though, crazy man has skillz with the lightsaber it seems.


*signs up for padawan training under crazy dual wielder*

 

[Beautiful End]

The force was not strong on this one. Although...deflecting a tazer with a TOY? That's stylish. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was the cop's fault, maybe...I don't know. But it still makes one hell of a story.

What a conversation starter: "Hey, so did I tell you about that time when I deflected a tazer with my Jedi lightsaber? yeah, it was pretty cool."

 

[Fappy]

This made my day.

 

[enzilewulf]

used one of his lightsabers to deflect the second.

That's some badass shit right there!

Maybe he is from a alternate dimension where light sabers do exist and he is just a poor jedi looking for a way home.....

Or maybe he is seriously pumped for the new Star Wars mmo.....

 

[Baldr]

Awe Toy lightsaber, what an amateur. I'd be using my Force-FX sabers.

 

[Jedoro]

Canterbury used one of his lightsabers to deflect the second tazer

This just changes the story from funny to awesome.

Hell yeah. I want to shake David Canterbury's hand for this.

 

[CleverCover]

Not gonna lie. That whole deflecting the taser thing is pretty freaking awesome.
I really would like to know if it was the luck of the draw on that one or whether he actually saw it coming and held the lightsaber in the right position at the right time.

It sounds incredulous, but stranger things have happened.

....What is his day job? Is he a martial arts teacher? Does he teach people how to handle swords? Does he collect swords? Is he a stuntman?

Does he take students?

 

[HalfTangible]

... Today I learned that a guy who threatened nuclear war has died through natural causes, that the last troops have left Iraq and sold their military bases (all profits to the country) and that somebody decided to be a sith and blocked a tazer with a toy lightsaber.

Today is a good day. (It'll be a great day if leaving Iraq turns out to be a good idea in the long run) A VERY good day =D