Skyrim is teaching your children to be gay.

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Kopikatsu

Kopikatsu

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binnsyboy said:
They've actually reviewed the game, too!

http://christwire.org/2011/11/christwire-game-review-the-elder-scrolls-skyrim/

That first paragraph is gold!

Overall, I believe that if you closely monitor your Child?s playstyle this game can actually reinforce some positive Christian values, if you tell them the right people to bash upside their head. This could even be a positive bonding experience. Did that uppity Redguard women have a nasty attitude with you? You can finally show her who?s boss. However there are several things you should be worried about listed below.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Skyrim?s Severe Affronts to your Christian child:

Man on man homogay marrying
Drug toking Skooma
Women in politics (jarls)
Worshipping false God?s
Bestiality relationships between Imperials and Argonian lusty lizard women
?Leveling up? satan?s magic. Worse than in Harry Potter.
Click to expand...
Seriously? Common! Everyone wants the Lusty Argonian Maid to kneed their child's loaf. Hell, everyone wants their loaf to be kneeded!
 
The Funslinger

The Funslinger

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Kopikatsu said:
binnsyboy said:
They've actually reviewed the game, too!

http://christwire.org/2011/11/christwire-game-review-the-elder-scrolls-skyrim/

That first paragraph is gold!

Overall, I believe that if you closely monitor your Child?s playstyle this game can actually reinforce some positive Christian values, if you tell them the right people to bash upside their head. This could even be a positive bonding experience. Did that uppity Redguard women have a nasty attitude with you? You can finally show her who?s boss. However there are several things you should be worried about listed below.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Skyrim?s Severe Affronts to your Christian child:

Man on man homogay marrying
Drug toking Skooma
Women in politics (jarls)
Worshipping false God?s
Bestiality relationships between Imperials and Argonian lusty lizard women
?Leveling up? satan?s magic. Worse than in Harry Potter.
Click to expand...
Seriously? Common! Everyone wants the Lusty Argonian Maid to kneed their child's loaf. Hell, everyone wants their loaf to be kneeded!
Click to expand...
Your bread metaphor absolutely ruined my sandwich. And it's my first time hosting a threesome, as well! D:
 
Kopikatsu

Kopikatsu

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May 27, 2010
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binnsyboy said:
Kopikatsu said:
binnsyboy said:
They've actually reviewed the game, too!

http://christwire.org/2011/11/christwire-game-review-the-elder-scrolls-skyrim/

That first paragraph is gold!

Overall, I believe that if you closely monitor your Child?s playstyle this game can actually reinforce some positive Christian values, if you tell them the right people to bash upside their head. This could even be a positive bonding experience. Did that uppity Redguard women have a nasty attitude with you? You can finally show her who?s boss. However there are several things you should be worried about listed below.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...
Skyrim?s Severe Affronts to your Christian child:

Man on man homogay marrying
Drug toking Skooma
Women in politics (jarls)
Worshipping false God?s
Bestiality relationships between Imperials and Argonian lusty lizard women
?Leveling up? satan?s magic. Worse than in Harry Potter.
Click to expand...
Seriously? Common! Everyone wants the Lusty Argonian Maid to kneed their child's loaf. Hell, everyone wants their loaf to be kneeded!
Click to expand...
Your bread metaphor absolutely ruined my sandwich. And it's my first time hosting a threesome, as well! D:
Click to expand...
You must not have read the Lusty Argonian Maid vol. 2. Lemme try to find the passage...

Lifts-Her-Tail: My goodness, that's quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?

Crantius Colto: This loaf isn't ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.

Lifts-Her-Tail: If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?

Crantius Colto: Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.

Lifts-Her-Tail: You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?

Crantius Colto: Of course.

Lifts-Her-Tail: But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.

Crantius Colto: Don't fret, my delicate flower. I'll satisfy the mistress' cravings later.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Very well, but I'm afraid my oven isn't hot enough. It could take hours!

Crantius Colto: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
Click to expand...
 
Jodah

Jodah

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I hope it is indeed a satire site. I stopped reading after "In the land of Skyrim, the player starts off as a captured terrorist, who has been caught plotting to destroy the golden empire by using dragons."
 
Gmans uncle

Gmans uncle

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Wow, what is this 3 times these trolls have actually fooled someone into thinking they where serious on these forums this week alone? I'm... impressed I guess.
 
SidingWithTheEnemy

SidingWithTheEnemy

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Sadly there is some truth to this whole sarcastic article.
I just let my burly and muscular Orc equip a set of Elven Armor and I have never seen such a gay ORC in my life. Perfectly sublime CSD cosplaying approved.
I'm sorry. I had to post that here, because it reminded me immediately of this thread/that article. Now let's save my orc from further "humiliated" comments and take him off that catwalk...
 
8

8bitlove2a03

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Mar 25, 2010
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I remember reading their Portal 2 story and freaking out about it. It took me a full hour to find out it was satire, and I only found out when they started mocking Betty White. I mean seriously, no one hates Betty White. I probably could have just looked them up on Wikipedia, but whatever.
 
Pandabearparade

Pandabearparade

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Sadly I thought it was serious until about a third of the way through. It's hard to parody something as ridiculous as the religious right.
 
nyysjan

nyysjan

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viking97 said:
how could anyone read this and NOT think this is satire?
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The fact there are people just as, if not more, insane, as this?
There is nothing so ridiculous, nothing so absurd, insane or stupid, that the fundamentalists will not only reach it, but go beyond.
 
Farther than stars

Farther than stars

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You can kind of tell right away that this is someone very familiar with playing video games, just by reading their lingo. I mean, they get far too much stuff right, unlike, say, Fox News.
 
000Ronald

000Ronald

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Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal?s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one?s self is fun and normal.
Click to expand...
Second line, second paragraph. That's something straight out of The Onion.

There is no way this isn't satire. I would bet money on it.
 
Frozen Donkey Wheel2

Frozen Donkey Wheel2

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I'm pretty sure most people going into this thread will figure out that the article is satire pretty quickly, but just to be sure...
*ahem*

[HEADING=1]SATIRE![/HEADING]



You know, for the people just scrolling to the bottom and not really reading the replies.
 
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