So I just realized I'm a terrible person...

[Ganthrinor]

Welcome to the Bastard Brigade.

Also, dump girl #1 again (Hey, look at it this way, you've both had practice this time) and go for the Learned One.

Or see if they're into sharing you. Shaky ground, but totally awesome when it works out (I know). Also a total nightmare if it falls apart (I know that, too).

 

[Manji187]

A woman getting on a man's nerves? Why that is perfectly natural...as is the opposite scenario. Didn't you know love is hard work? Those "inherent incompatibility issues" are a part of the game.

As for your being a kid who doesn't know what he wants... that's emotional ground... your ground...I can't tell you how you're "supposed" to feel. In such matters there's seldom a clear-cut answer. You could be happy with your girl if you talk it out (her bugging you part..not the other girl part..that's a recipe for disaster imo). Tell her how it makes you feel...and that you don't wanna feel that way. Still, no guarantees man...there never are with women.

 

[Moromillas]

@OP: How is this not a no-brainer? This isn't some elaborate "story" is it? You have a choice between staying with someone that loves you, or, trying to hook up with a stranger you just met... And you're wonder what to do? What?

If it's not easy yet, I'll try and put it into perspective. Let's say, for some reason you have to put a hell of a lot of trust and faith in someone. Now would you put that trust in A) Someone you know that cares for you and loves you? Or B) A stranger you don't know very well?

And she's "a great person" that gets on your nerves? C'mon, are you shittin me? If that's the only problem, you're doing pretty damn good. My thoughts: Bro, you need to man up and tell her what's going on, and tell her what gets on your nerves.

 

[Dapsen]

I wont give you my opinion, but I'll tell you what I think you should do.

Tell the girl you're with exactly what happened: That you got jealous of the other guy, and then made it a mission to take her back. She will probably hate you for the seemingly emotionless acting and thinking, but that's a good thing. It will help her get over you, thus causing less pain to her. She probably wont want to see you any more, but that's a sacrifice you must make.

Stay friends with the hot teacher for a while, and think about whether you still want to be with her. If she wasn't just the 'forbidden fruit'? If you find that you still want to proceed after the old girlfriend is completely out of the picture, then go on.

That's my thinking. I honestly don't know if it will make sense to anyone else then me.

 

[MrSalamandra]

You're JD from Scrubs.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

Reciprocal snip-snip-snip-snip-snip

You couldn't be more right.

Oh dear God, SOAD, I love you.

Love you, too, buddy.

 

[Shotgun_Ninja]

-Reciprocal snip-

Understandable, but I didn't really interpret OP's post that way. It came across as putting the decision on us and looking for reassurance, much in the way that a girl will run to her best friend and say "I'm such a bad person", fully expecting that overly-honest notion to be shot down with "No, no, it happens to everyone, you're not a bad person". Even disregarding that, the attitude seems to be in line with the "I'm a bad person, now what?" line of thinking. In my eyes, the element of repentance in this situation seems to serve the purpose of preempting any "you suck" comments more than "wow, am I really this much of a bastard?"

I respect your honesty. In truth, I really do feel like an asshole. I created this thread not so much because I was hoping for an anonymous internet pardon for my douchebaggery, but more because I honestly want a few diverse opinions on my actions (which, by the way, can't believe how many intelligent replies there have been). Most of my friends seem to take the "DO 'EM BOTH HURR HURR" stance, and even the ones who aren't morons say I should've never got back with the girl because they knew I only wanted what I couldn't have.

The guy I saw my gf with is known by me to be a complete asshole (so not entirely unlike myself, then) and I knew he only wanted to sleep with her and keep her around for the occasional rendezvous. Now, though, I've realized that the spark I felt for her was less an altruistic "I'll get back with her so no one else can hurt her" scenario as it was just me wanted that "forbidden fruit" and now I stand to do the thing I sought to save her from; Hurting her. Again.

I feel now this new girl (the teacher) may well represent me again pining for what I can't have, seeing only her positive qualities while being blind to her flaws until I get bored with the whole thing and start using those flaws as an excuse to justify my behavior and starting this cycle over again. I feel that either way, I'm wasting my gf's time by keeping her in a relationship when I don't really reciprocate her feelings. Perhaps I should just break it off with her again, explain and apologize for everything and take a break from dating until I get my mind right...

 

[Shotgun_Ninja]

You're JD from Scrubs.

Your relationships are likely to fail until you understand what love is and take rational control of your body. You should read Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love by Helen Fisher.

Most people expect to feel a certain way about someone, and conclude that love and thus the relationship is over when that feeling ceases. The media and education system have done a bad job of educating the population on what these feelings mean. I'm not surprised though: marriage and divorce are massive money making businesses.

Short-term love:
When you meet a new suitable mate, the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months.

Medium-term love:
Studies in neuroscience indicate that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.

Long-term love: <-- this is the backbone of proper marriage & long-term relationships
The bonding that promotes relationships lasting for decades is generally based on shared interests. Commitments such as marriage and children help, but deep feelings of union with a partner will lead to a happier and healthier long-term relationship.

The bottom line: Stop basing your relationships on love. The basis cannot be a temporary chemical or biological high. Instead, base relationships on a complimentary or symbiotic or mutually beneficial arrangement/understanding that is founded upon mutual feelings of attachment/bonding (i.e. shared interests, shared worldview).

I love this forum. I get replies like this instead of pictures of cats with broken english captions. I may well check out that book and thank you.

You're JD from Scrubs.

Albeit a much less lovable one. I do enjoy a nice apple-tini from time to time.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

The axeman snippeth

Well, if nothing else, I'll give you credit for owning up to it. I do think that you've come to the right conclusion. Regardless of what it is you seek, you need to stop and consider just how much you're effecting her. If the best solution to this is to remove yourself from her life, then I strongly advocate it. I'm sure it gets easier to take relationships for granted as you continue to find new ones, but you can't let yourself forget how deeply you are capable of hurting people when they make themselves vulnerable by entering a relationship. Some people in her situation might take this sort of thing with a "whatever, there are other fish in the sea" attitude, and others might get blackout drunk and go careening around town in their car looking for something big to slam into. It's not possible to know how far you're able to bring somebody down until they're already at that point, and you really cannot leave it up to chance that they might take it better than you expected.

 

[Phoenix Arrow]

Human nature. What you can have is always more appealing than what you've got.
Someone wrote about it a lot, potentially Jung.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

There is a valuable lesson to be learned here: When you let envy rule your descisions, you make shitty choices.

And seriously for a second, what the fuck? you saw her with another guy so you decided you still wanted her? I'm only in grade 10 and I know how dumb that is.

 

[spinFX]

Yeah, this is going to be a long one, so, right to it; I'm 24 I've been in a serious relationship with this girl(22) for the last three years. She's a great person and is wholeheartedly in love with me. As time progressed I realized I didn't reciprocate those feelings, and broke up her. She was heartbroken, and even though I felt like a bastard for hurting her, I took solace with the fact that at least I ended it properly, face-to-face and did my best to make her understand it wasn't her fault, that I just felt we weren't meant to be.

Three months go by, I'm fine. She's fine. We even still talked occasionally on the phone, as friends. Then suddenly, after months of being perfectly content and dating around and not being in a dedicated relationship, I see her out with someone else. My inner jealous douchebag takes over and I decide I need to get her back.

After a week of calling, texting and damn near begging (pathetic, I know) we get back together and all is right with the world... until I remember why I broke up with her in the first place (that is to say, inherent incompatibility issues i.e. she tends to get on my nerves all the damn time).

Up to this point you have described my life PERFECTLY. I am 25 but other than that we are the same! I broke up with my 3 year long girlfriend in January and have just started trying to win her back. I don't know why... My life is getting pretty sweet. I guess I just want to feel desired.

The similarities between us are astounding and it is the only reason I was drawn to reply.

Want my advice? Do not get back with your ex. Move on with life, you'll be much happier. I am realizing that I should not have gotten my ex's hopes up. I should find someone that I will not find a chore to be with for the rest of my life.

Good luck brother!

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

Really cool story, if only I had a girl that loved me to death.

"Now listen to me baby
Before I love and leave ya
They call me heart breaker
I don't wanna deceive ya

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
Imma tear you apart
Told you from the start,
Baby from the start."

LUDA!
Now I may not be the worst or the best
But you gotta respect my honesty
And I may break your heart
But I don't really think there's anybody as bomb as me
So you can take this chance, in the end
Everybody's gonna be wondering how you deal
You might say this is Ludacris
But AllLagNoFrag tell her how you feel

 

[capin Rob]

cool story bro.
you fucked up.

Agreed, sucks for you.

 

[duchaked]

yeah I've been dealing with some drama caused by a 22 year old man child
haha and you...well...I think the first few comments are brutal but honest at it x.x
(but to say something positive, uhhh at least you seem to some attractive features for ladies)

 

[Entropyutd]

Isn't this the plot from Scrubs?

 

[Continuity]

I think basically your problem is that you are a bastard.

 

[Girl With One Eye]

That girl broke it off with someone new for you, and you repay her by getting with someone else? Nice. The best thing to do is break off with her, and dont talk to her anymore, not even as friends because frankly you dont deserve her friendship. Try and keep your new relationship discrete to avoid hurting her more. And if you see her with someone new again, dont be a jerk, leave her alone.