So...I screwed up.

[Bernzz]

This is a teenage relationship problem thread, so if you hate them then just leave, okay? I don't want to hear [sub]technically see, but still[/sub] your complaints about it being "another teen relationship thread".

Spoiler: Wall O' Text

If any of you members of the Escapist take note of my posts (I doubt you do), you may have seen a few in which I mention a girlfriend of mine. Well, in the two months that I have been dating her (yes, two months is short, whatever) it has seriously been the best time I have had in my life.

After an especially good day on the day that we hit two months, of which I shall not share details as this is a family friendly forum [sub](apart from all the fucking swearing)[/sub], her and I went to a movie marathon at a mate's place. The marathon was to go all night and into the next morning and then day. However, my girlfriend had to leave at 10 pm because she had something to go to early the next day.

Anyway, almost as soon as my girlfriend left, another girl I know (who I suspect likes me) came up to me, getting close and such in subtle ways now that my girlfriend was gone. This continued on throughout the night, until I did something stupid. So. Fucking. Stupid.

My friend was showing off to me how he could get away with groping most of the female members of my friendship group's breasts. He was doing it to the aforementioned girl when another male friend of mind decided to see if he could do the same to this girl. While she wasn't stopping one of my friends, she batted away my other friend's hand as soon as he tried it, before he could even try it.

So then my friend (the one who's hand was batted away) dares me to try and see if I can grope this girl's breasts. So I don't stop to think "Wait, I have a girlfriend." or anything like that. I don't think it through at all. I just go ahead and try it.

Spoiler: Results

She didn't try and stop me. At all. She even pushed my other friend (the one who actually CAN get away with it) away, yet not with me. I had to stop myself.

Spoiler: Now, just to make it worse...

Did I mention that my girlfriend absolutely loathes this girl that I think likes me? The one I was groping?

This was early in the morning, around 3 am. Later on in the day, after she was back home from her other commitments, I was to walk to my girlfriend's place and stay there until I could be picked up by my mum and taken home (I can't walk home, it's ages away). I decided along the way to tell her, face to face, what I did with this other girl, after I had thought it through a bit more and realised exactly what it meant. I figured that face to face was much better than her finding out through someone else online, on FaceBook or through MSN, say.

So I told her. Straight away. The result was her all sad looking for the rest of the day. The conversation continued on MSN. She's not breaking up with me, but she's not sure if she can trust me again. I understand this completely, by the way. She trusted me to not cheat on her, I broke her trust by cheating on her. Granted, it was a five or so second long joke, but it was still unacceptable.

Now, Escapists, I ask you. First, what you think of my actions. Second, what you think I could do to possibly ever have a hope of winning back the trust of my girlfriend? Or if you think I should just end it with her completely? I ask for opinions on these questions, and whatever else you want to add to the discussion.

 

[Aunel]

uhmm.
Nice pendulum avatar?

OT: do what you did to make her your girlfriend, and keep doing that.

now some reasuring words
't will be fine, just play some bass.

 

[sniperworm]

I think you messed up big time. I doubt you can ever get the trust back into the relationship but if you want to try you've just got be there for her. No grand gestures or dates will make it go away, it mite work for one night but not it will soon be back, it will take time, lots of time.

Oh and expect it thrown back in your face by her at some point too.

 

[Zelurien]

It was stupid yes but the fact that you realise that and admitted as much to you girlfriends face is admirable. I really feel like she should cut you some slack. It's not like you kissed her or... well you get the idea.

I'm sure you could earn back the trust. Or just take a punt at the other girl. You're young.. go nuts.

 

[T3h Merc]

Well, that all depends. Do you love your Girlfriend? Do you care about your Girlfriend? Do what makes her happy for a nice long while, and let her gradually build trust back up again. Cunnilingus helps too

 

[SnipErlite]

I understand why she's all hurt by this , but as Zelurien said

It's not like you kissed her or... well you get the idea.

 

[Zac_Dai]

I'm assuming she wasn't actually topless when you were doing this?

Either way it sounds like a massive overreaction. This kind of drama only teens can get into.

Randomly touching another girls tits in that context is hardly cheating.

My advice just stop over thinking it and be cool to your girl for a while.

 

[Ganthrinor]

Your solution is simple. Extasy and tencho music (nightclub optional) followed by a groupsex orgy where all inhibitions and pre-formed opinions are lost in a haze of drugs and post-coitial bliss.


Failing that, claim Man Code and get mad at her for being mad at you over something you clearly had no choice in.

 

[Gxas]

I think you messed up big time. I doubt you can ever get the trust back into the relationship

Two months in and he'll never get trust back?

Two months is hardly enough time to even establish any sort of undying trust.

OP, you'll be fine. You fucked up, you admitted it, thats all you can really do. The fact that she hasn't left you already says wonders. She obviously wants to give you another chance. Just don't do it again, keep on her good side, and you'll be fine.

But yeah, what worm said, expect this to be used against you more than once in the future.

 

[Queen Michael]

Well, I think you should just keep at it apologizing and showing her how sincerely you wish you never ahd done that. Also: If she hasn't left you yet she clearly still wants to be with you, and you still want to be with her. So a break-up would be something nobody wants. Point that out.

 

[Nibsy]

I understand that she's pissed, but I also think you treated the situation as best you could by being straight with her.
Give it a few weeks and things should be breezy, as said before, it's not like you kissed her or... worse.
Just try not to get her angry, or it WILL be thrown back at you.

 

[Kathinka]

Your solution is simple. Extasy and tencho music (nightclub optional) followed by a groupsex orgy where all inhibitions and pre-formed opinions are lost in a haze of drugs and post-coitial bliss.


Failing that, claim Man Code and get mad at her for being mad at you over something you clearly had no choice in.

so much funny in 3 lines^^ i salute you.

seriously though: depents on what kind of person she is..i would be furious if my boyfriend did something like that, very likely i would break up. but not everybody is so insanely jeleaous as i am^^

 

[Irridium]

Look, you did all you really can do.

You sucked it up, and told her like a man, when most people would just hide it.

Look, it could be worse, a lot worse.
I'd say just try and talk about it with her.

Other than that, not much else you can do.

 

[rossatdi]

Now, Escapists, I ask you. First, what you think of my actions. Second, what you think I could do to possibly ever have a hope of winning back the trust of my girlfriend? Or if you think I should just end it with her completely? I ask for opinions on these questions, and whatever else you want to add to the discussion.

Actions: Not a big deal. This was clearly horseplay and not particularly sexual. You (presumably) had no intentions of taking it any further, nor did you initiate the joking around.

Regaining Trust: That's a tough one. If your girlfriend is naturally jealous or hates this girl you need to be honest (good start by the way) and spell it out like so:

I am sorry for what I did. I did it on the spur of the moment with no regard to how it would make you feel. I also did it with presumption of anything else happening with the girl, I am not interested in her, that is why I told you straight away.

I feel bad because of betraying your trust, simple fact is that men like boobs and in the heat of the moment even a saint might have grabbed a pair or two. However, that does not make my actions decent and does not reduce the amount of shame and betrayal I am feeling. If you cannot forgive me know, please stick by my long enough for me to prove that my actions were unusual for me. This shock has been a wake up call.

However if after a heartfelt apology she doesn't relax or at least move on, then don't stress. A girl that jealous is going to be a nightmare down the line. Boob grab does not equal cheating.

 

[cuddly_tomato]

Trust is a habit. As you spend time around someone you become accustomed to them. If they behave in a way you find reliable you just start to trust them. When that is betrayed the only real way to get it back is to do the same thing again. Spend time around someone and behave reliably, but you can only do that if you get another chance.

One way you can convince her to give you a second chance is by sacrifice. Show her an enormous commitment and she might well forgive. So get her an enormously compelling gift, one that hurts you to buy.

 

[Bernzz]

uhmm.
Nice pendulum avatar?

Thanks.

Oh and expect it thrown back in your face by her at some point too.

Oh, I await that day with bated breath, mate.

Or just take a punt at the other girl. You're young.. go nuts.

Problem being that this girl never has relationships that last over a month. She's always losing interest in guys and moving on to others. The problem is how attractive and alluring she is. Guys fall for her even though they know it won't go anywhere.

Whereas with my girlfriend, I could have seen it going for a lot longer. Ages, in fact. Not sure now, but before this event I could,

I'm assuming she wasn't actually topless when you were doing this?

No, she was not. She had a shirt on and her bra underneath it.

 

[bluepilot]

em, you are still young, I think that it is important to have this kind of experience when you are young.

I also think that you and your friend were not being very clever, betting about groping girls at a party and daring each other. I know you are young but such things will only get you into trouble. I would strongly suggest that you desist such behaviour and have more respect for people, regardless of their gender.

To be honest, if my boyfriend had acted like that I would have broken his nose then never spoken to him again. But I am older and have some self-respect gained from much experience with the opposite sex. The fact that she has not dumped you get shows that there is still hope yet. She still likes you and if you really care about her, you should show it.

Otherwise, just finish it and move on. No-one will judge you, and even if it hurts now you still have many great experiences left.

 

[Eagle Est1986]

It's not so bad, you two will be alright though she might take a bit of time to get back to where she was in the relationship. It was only a sleep deprived grope, not too serious or all that bad. BUT, DON'T DO IT AGAIN. SILLY BOY.

 

[Zelurien]

Problem being that this girl never has relationships that last over a month. She's always losing interest in guys and moving on to others. The problem is how attractive and alluring she is. Guys fall for her even though they know it won't go anywhere.

Whereas with my girlfriend, I could have seen it going for a lot longer. Ages, in fact. Not sure now, but before this event I could

It doesn't have to be the end of it. It may be if your GF can't put it into perpective. You didn't do anything that constitutes cheating. You could use this to set up the boundaries of the relationship. She thinks what you did was too far, you take that on board. This can make you stronger as a couple if you want it enough.

I don't want this to sound either condescending or like I know a lot about this subject. This is just my opinion.

To lighten the mood: My fiancee once got propositioned by an insanely hot lesbian dancer. She refused unfortunately but that was a good day.

 

[AngloDoom]

If people were as honest and as straightforward as you, I honestly believe a lot more people would be content with their relationships. While I do not think for a moment that you were void of any kind of sexual feelings when you groped that other girl, the fact that you admitted it straight after the event is indeed admirable.

Reassure your girlfriend, tell her it won't happen again, make sure it never happens again, and let trust naturally grow back if it can. You've done something very difficult and she should appreciate that. It doesn't excuse you at all, but it certainly makes it hurt less than hearing it through a friend. If you honestly feel you have a future with this girl, then hopefully she feels the same. This is relatively minor, but still hurtful, if you overcome this then you'll have a better relationship.

Until she throws it back at your face, but that's a step later.