So, my family is homophobic.

[Dangit2019]

First off, I would like to say that I WOULD post this in R&P, but the last time I went in there, everybody started telling me that their opinions were right and every single one of my opinions were wrong, so I generally want to stay far away from those woods as possible.

Now, if you've read a few of my posts, you probably know that I live in Texas because I just keep mentioning it for some reason. Texas is part of Southern USA, and tends to retain most of the hyper conservatism that has been associated with the area. My family, sadly, is no different.

Now, I consider my self a bit on the fence (Oh God I hate that figure of speech) when it comes to politics, and I generally regard topics like homosexuality to be of neutral importance to me as I haven't been able to fully pick a side yet. My family, however, is homophobic to a point where I couldn't even have reasonable discussion with them on the topic because "OMG THEY HAVE SEX IN THE BUTT". They believe in the Slippery Slope argument (if we let them marry, what's stopping pedophiles marrying kids derp da herp) and regard any gay couple sexual demons even if they don't believe in sodomy in the first place.

They've gone to lengths to let me know that if I ever came out of the closet, they would absolutely disown me, and it makes me feel bad that they would say something like that so easily and still come back to assure me that they love me completely.

Now, usually this would only be a mild disturbance, but I feel that whenever I dispute their logical fallacies or stick up for good people who happen to be gay that they will feel that I have betrayed them by sticking up for the LIBERALS (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN) or they will feel that I am becoming gay myself.

How could I be able to dispute their random acts of stupidity (they're generally smart people) without getting casted away because I've been "brainwashed" by the "liberal (ahem, DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN) media"?

Also, I should mention that my dad was one of the people who took the "Bush head" thing on Game of Thrones seriously just to give you an idea of how much B.S. they will believe.

 

[Flamezdudes]

I tend to just ignore it, however for me the only person i'm aware of in my family being homophobic is my father, although he's not violently opposed to them, he just makes loads of snide gestures and says thing that clearly show he's homophobic... which can get very annoying.

So I can't really help you out since you family seems a lot more homophobic than mine is... however I would just try my best to ignore because you obviously aren't going to be able to convince them since they're so stuck in their beliefs that they won't listen to anything you have to say.

 

[Ed130 The Vanguard]

Nod, smile and back away from them.

As soon as you're far enough away RUN, RUN LIKE THE DEVIL HIMSELF WAS AFTER YOU!

It may take awhile to 'back away' from them, they are your parents after all. But if you really don't feel that comfortable around them or expressing your own views in front of them you may want to look at a more distant relationship with them.

 

[Keoul]

Hmmm that's a tricky one...
You could educate them about what you know about homosexuals, that would probably help a lot since fear is born from the unknown, tell them how they're not a different race, it's just sexual preference, they don't spread aids any more than a normal human, and that they were born this way due to an imbalance (or balance rather, a little fuzzy on this part) of hormones.
Give them reasonable arguments so they can understand your point of view.
If all else fails..

Nod, smile and back away from them.

As soon as you're far enough away RUN, RUN LIKE THE DEVIL HIMSELF WAS AFTER YOU!

 

[Rule Britannia]

I'm guessing you've tried the argument "What harm is it doing to you, are you being directly affected?"

I used to be a little homophobic (I didn't think homosexuality was wrong just same sex marriage), two or so years ago, but then a friend of mine said "what harm is being done to you?" and I had an epiphany and realised I was being an idiot. I dropped the homophobic mentality entirely and haven't looked back.

 

[LtWigglesworth]

No offence intended but they seem a bit like the sort of people whose minds you can only change with a hatchet, so that in mind :

Nod, smile and back away from them.

As soon as you're far enough away RUN, RUN LIKE THE DEVIL HIMSELF WAS AFTER YOU!

It may take awhile to 'back away' from them, they are your parents after all. But if you really don't feel that comfortable around them or expressing your own views in front of them you may want to look at a more distant relationship with them.

 

[DarkRyter]

What you need to do is to give them a good lashing.

They won't have enough time to be homophobic when they're picking cotton on them fields.

Of course, this is all hinging on you being a plantation owner in the 1800's.

 

[Aprilgold]

All you can do is go "I disapprove" or not do anything at all.

I don't blame you for not trying to correct them or anything, but the terrible thing about brainwashing is that its pretty permanent.

I'm gay, and your doing what you have to do. What you do is up to you and whether what your doing is right and wrong is for you to decide. I can not.

 

[Alternative]

"If you can offer a single piece of irrefutable evidence as to why homosexuality is uniquely destructive, I'll agree with you."

Check-mate!

The problem with this is that they will use the same flawed arguments that homophobes always use and think they're right.

 

[Alternative]

"If you can offer a single piece of irrefutable evidence as to why homosexuality is uniquely destructive, I'll agree with you."

Check-mate!

The problem with this is that they will use the same flawed arguments that homophobes always use and think they're right.

But you use science and fact to spread the love!

If they where rational people it would work.

 

[snakeakaossi]

Disclaimer: Arguing with closed-minded people is dangerous if they care for you. If you plan to take my advice, make sure you can sleep somewhere else.

How about: The next time they start about it you threaten to pretend to be gay. Make absolutely clear to them that you are heterosexual, but that you are tired of their hate speech. Picture them the scenario that they have to explain to everyone you are not gay, because you certainly won't, and nobody will believe them. Also, you get more girls when you pretend to be gay, so it's a win-win all over.

Also, let's counter some of their arguments:
- slippery slope: pedophiles bring guaranteed psychological damage to their 'partners', because children are not meant to be in a serious relationship. That's why it's bad. No gay couple brings damage to the other, because they are both adults taking their own decision.

- Brainwashed by the liberal media: Go with either of these: "Mom, you don't even let me watch the liberal media!" or "Both conservatives and liberals are assholes ripping this beautiful country to shreds!". The last one should be backed up with either "2 sides is not enough to a story" or "you are being brainwashed by corporations". I know these are not valid arguments, but I sense that your family is not keen on making sound arguments (no offense) and it is better to keep it at their level.

- sex in the behind: I have some gay friends who enlightened me on the fact that gay sex is more than just there. Also: heterosexual couples quite often do it where you need extra lube as well. If your family doesn't believe you, go find some double penetration porn and see where it goes from there.

I hope this helps or at least calmed your rage a little.

 

[RatRace123]

I'm afraid to say this, but I think your parents might be idiots.

It's nothing to be too shocked about, religion and politics can turn even the smartest of people into drooling morons.

But, it looks to me that you're not gonna get them to change their minds. In the end it really depends on how strongly you feel about your views VS theirs. You can try to get them to understand, but some people are just determined to stick by their ignorance, and in the end the only thing you can do with those people are ignore them.

Don't ever question your own beliefs simply to appease the beliefs of others, but just try to avoid bringing the topic up if it's clear that you're not gonna get anywhere with it.

 

[thespyisdead]

i am sorry for being so rude to your family, but you can't argue with stupid people. especially ones that are backed into a corner because of fear.

having said that, i must admit that i am a tiny bit homophobic, but i also see, that i have no rational argument against gay marriage and gay adoption, outside the ones that have been thrown all about already, so i tend to not argue about this stuff...

 

[Korolev]

There is little you can do, other than refuse to accept their beliefs. Their beliefs are their beliefs - and these beliefs are not founded on logic or rational arguments. Thus, intelligence has nothing to do with it - you could be a very smart person and still hate people for no reason because at the end of the day, hate is not usually about reason.

Challenging them and confronting them about it is unlikely to get them to change. At best, they'll merely stop bringing the topic up around you. At worst, you'll be kicked out of the family for daring to oppose their views. All you can do is decide what to believe for yourself.

I will say that it is POSSIBLE for homophobic people to become non-homophobic - because I used to be homophobic. I used to despise gay people, because that's what I was taught on the school-yard. My parents and family never talked about sexual matters, so I didn't pick up anything from them, and I grew up in a Secular Household. But popular media and school students taught me that being gay was "creepy" and "girly" and "wrong" and that the only way to show that you weren't gay yourself was to vocally condemn gay people. As a kid, I brought into that. It also didn't help that the one semi-openly gay person in my class was REALLY flamboyant and was incredibly annoying on a personal level. He wasn't a bad guy by any means, but his constant giggling, high-pitched screaming, and uses of the words "Daahrrling" and "Cute" and "OH MAH GWAD!" irritated me, much like how Cheerleaders irritate me (he also became the one male cheerleader in our school).

So for a while I hated Gay people, seeing them as a stereotype. I hated them as a way of distancing myself from them, as a way of "proving" to others that I was straight. It was pathetic.

Until I turned 15. I read a book on Cryptography, Cryptanalysis and codes. It was a really good book, called "The Code Book" by Simon Singh. I advise anyone to read it. Anyway, I found out that one of the principle inventors of the Modern Computer, Alan Turing, was gay. I was shocked. I had only heard about gay people from popular media - which depicted them all as orgy-having deviant flamboyant weirdos who talked like girls and cross-dressed (not that there's anything wrong with that). When I learned about Turing, I realized this: Gay people could be scientists. And scientists were (and still are) the people I look up to most.

I then read about Turing's suicide. I read about his contributions to the War Effort. I then realized (although it took about a year to really sink in) that a gay person is a person first of all. They aren't "Gay People" - there are people who just happen to be gay. And some of those people are scientists, mathematicians, doctors, lawyers, sculptors, dreamers and thinkers.

Learning about Turing humanized Gay people to me. My shock and horror that such a brilliant mind could have been ruined merely because of how he felt towards other men showed me that hating them and despising them was wrong and harmful. Evil, in fact.

Now, I no longer hate gay people. I no longer dislike them either. I no longer think of them as that flamboyant stereotype that is portrayed in Popular Media - I realize that a lot of gay people are perfectly fine, reasonable, good people. I still get a little irritated by how some gay people act (in the manner of the much despised Californian School Cheerleader, which is also an unfair stereotype in and of itself, but they do exist and they are like a cheese-grater to my nerves), but they aren't bad people for being like that.

So it is possible for homophobes to become non-homophobes. But it's not something you can force on someone. It's a personal journey towards tolerance that we all take individually.