So people think I'm gay...

[Idlemessiah]

You think thats bad? One of the reasons I split with my last girlfriend was because she honestly believed that I was dating her as a cover up for being gay. To be fair I am incredibly comfortable with some of my friends, but the fact that she took it seriously was a bit beyond me.

Ok, I'm going to digress now.

There is no such thing as looking gay, and being gay is normal. It bothers me that being gay is some weird, abhorrent alien thing. It isn't, and people who think it is need to get a reality check. And as for looking gay? Right, story time kiddies.

A friend of mine at work told me he wanted to get his tongue pierced. He also told me that his friend said "lol that makes you gay". And it was pretty obvious that it had bothered my friend, since it was something that he wanted and was now worried what other people would think he was gay if he had got his tongue pierced.
So I said to him, "I could skip around the place in a pink frilly tutu, putting up posters of sexy beefcake men whilst singing the Scissor Sisters. That does not make me gay and neither would any particular piercing. You know what would make me gay? Sticking my cock in another man's arse."
It must have got the message across because he went and got his tongue pierced the next day.

 

[MHR]

You're not gay unless you are. People that are straight are absolutely sure of it. If you're absolutely sure of it, no amount of fruity clothes or even grinding on men is going to change fact, only perception.

I've had people think I'm gay. I'm just really shy and have some slightly feminine mannerisms, however people who thought so were just a few individuals I didn't even know, most were just gay men fishing for another. The only woman was just a girl who I didn't like that much that felt hurt, but she didn't go around shouting it so I didn't care.

All that said, if you want to prove you're not gay offer to plow them if they're a woman or offer to plow their girlfriend/wife if they're a man. That should shut them up. If the woman calls you on your bluff, make it not a bluff and just plow them; You got free sex and dispelled all doubt. You could even "play along" with being gay and ask a doubting woman if they could "cure" you of your "affliction." Tell them you want them to do it because you trust them and you think they're so beautiful.

If a guy calls you on your bluff, don't plow their wives/girlfriend cuz that will just get your ass kicked. If the only people that think you're gay are your miner buddies, then you could always just get yourself laid to a woman co-worker or someone one of your co-workers knows or even just any random woman if you can have her shown around in a manner that doesn't seem fake. You say you don't like relationships anymore but it doesn't have to be a relationship, just sex, and you can stop whenever you want.

This all assumes you'd be willing to do that, but most guys would. I can understand being too shy or physically uncomfortable to commit, but you can always just clean up and try it, you might like it. Though of course the "prove it" method isn't the only way to deal with this situation, it's just my favorite.

 

[chiggerwood]

I remember being in a similar situation when I was a teenager, only it was my brothers and my father who said I was gay (Note: they weren't trying to be supportive) because I didn't have a girlfriend nor was I sleeping around (my friends believed me and just thought I was chaste, turns out I'm asexual). It all stopped however when my mom confronted them by yelling, and I quote "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU SORRY MOTHER FUCKERS? What? Because he ain't fuckin' everything with two legs and a hole he's gay? And what the fuck would you mother fuckers do if he was gay, huh?" and then she threatened promised to commit several acts of bodily harm on them if they didn't stop harassing me. If you knew my mother you'd understand why they backed off. However I'm guessing you don't have the current reincarnation of Boudicca queen of the Iceni in your corner, so I'm not sure what to do except politely inform them of their mistake and then ask why they think you're gay.

 

[Da Orky Man]

I have most certainly had that problem before. Worse for the other guy though...

Basically, during my sixth-form, we had a new student join our class. Though he had so far lived his whole life in Riyad, the capital of Saudi Arabia, he had an English muslim-convert father, so spoke fluent English with an English accent as well as decent Arabic. So, since I had few friends in sixth-form at the time, talked to him and we became good friends quite quickly. However, since we were both the kind to have relatively few friends, people often assumed we were gay. For me, not that big, since I could just laugh it off quite easily. Not good for him, as homosexuals are imprisoned, flogged and occasionally executed in Saudi, so it's not as easy to just blow off.

 

[Starik20X6]

So? It happens to a lot of people. 5 times? Big deal. Come talk to me when you've had 4 years of it, on top of a whole other bunch of bullying shit.

 

[Kristian Fischer]

Other people's opinions on your sexuality are irrelevant. Nothing you need waste time worrying over.

 

[Evil Smurf]

You are a gay male, if you like penis. Simple guide really. Do you like dick?

 

[RyuBreaker]

This happens to me also but I just use the fact people think I'm gay to mess with them.

EDIT. Then again the fact I've never had a girlfriend(because I don't give a shit)I can see why people would assume I'm gay, I would just take it on the chin mate, being called gay several times is naught compared to what I had to put up in secondary school.

 

[sibrenfetter]

For the record, I correct people whenever they tell me I'm gay. They assume I'm still in the closet and they feel the obligation to make me feel 'safe' and give me an opportunity to 'express myself'. If it's an issue of appearance, then maybe it's just better if I don't appear...

Ok, so, wow! This must be so annoying! I don't have much advice for you but damn this is so annoying that I had to comment. Maybe the full frontal brutal approach is called for. Maybe just talk to those that you deem worth it and tell them you are really fed with this situation. Make abundantly clear to them that you are not gay, but also that if they want to continue to be your friend they will have to accept this as well. True friends also believe and trust each other and these people sound quite silly really. You could also show them this thread in order to exemplify that you are serious. Best of luck and kick their asses!

 

[The White Hunter]

I was sometimes called gay by random teenagers because I have long hair, no worries, they usually ate their words if they started going any further than that. No one genuinely thought I was gay (having a girlfriend helped) But even people I just met assumed I was straight. I never wore anything outlandish, typical shirt and jeans usually.

One of my friends is gay and you wouldn't really tell just by looking at him.

Although in Secondary (High) School, I suffered from a severe lack of sleep for a long time on weekends and I had people thinking I was a stoner because of how tired I looked, that was fun. I even had teachers think I was narcoleptic because I kept dozing off in class.

My teachers thought I was narcoleptic too! Mostly because I slept all the time.

OT:


No but seriously don't worry about it, people think I'm straight all the time, and sometimes they think I'm gay. It's irritating but hey it's not a problem tbh.

 

[sibrenfetter]

So? It happens to a lot of people. 5 times? Big deal. Come talk to me when you've had 4 years of it, on top of a whole other bunch of bullying shit.

This is of course a completely useless reaction and not helpful at all. Just because you have a problem to a greater degree doesn't mean it's not a big deal. More than that, it seems quite smart of him to take it up now rather than wait for years of added pain before he is 'allowed' to talk to you about it.

 

[TrulyBritish]

I can't really see much you can do friendo, not without changing something in how you act/dress, and why on earth should you have to that? If they're being brain-dead stupid let them be, and just don't care what they think because, well heck, they're brain dead stupid. You know, unless you actually are gay, in which case they're spot on the money.
I can sort of relate though, seeing as I've had people assume both that I'm straight and that I'm gay at points based on how I look/act (including my parents and friends), but it really isn't their business.
Otherwise, your boss sounds like a dick. I don't think it matters if he thinks your gay, I don't think it's his right to out you, especially is you're never outright said you're gay. That was an unnecessarily embarrassing thing to do to someone and it wasn't his call.

 

[MasterOfHisOwnDomain]

Not sure what to suggest. You shouldn't have to change the way you act or dress or whatever to conform to society's bizarre notions of what is a heterosexual male is. But equally, if it's bothering you, you shouldn't have to put up with it passively. If it's of any small comfort, actually being gay is much worse on the whole issue of massive assumptions and sweeping stereotypes. Apparently to be gay is to be effeminate, sexually loose, non-committal . . . These things die hard I guess, and maybe it will be a few more years before people wake up to each other's diversity.

 

[icemasteryeti]

My advice is to not sweat it, correct people if you want to but they can think what they want, it shouldn't change how you view yourself. I've been asked what my sexual preference was before (my friends fortunately have enough tact not to assume one way or the other) but I've never actually been told I was gay.

If someone actually tells you your sexual preference is something other than it is, and if they insist on it, then tell them to fuck right off. They don't care about you, they're just trying to press their view of the world on you while desperately trying not to look intolerant. Anyone who thinks you're closet case is just as bad, to them you're just a problem to be fixed and if they pity you then they don't respect you.

So stand up for yourself and if the other person won't back down, move on and don't worry, that person isn't worth your time.

 

[Saltyk]

Okay, if your boss outed you at work, couldn't you sue over that? Regardless of whether you were actually gay or not. It sounds like that crosses a line to me.

Beyond that, I don't know. Find a cute girl and start dating her would probably be the most immediate fix. Kinda hard to be gay when you're in a heterosexual relationship. Though, people may assume you're bi at that point.

 

[Starik20X6]

So? It happens to a lot of people. 5 times? Big deal. Come talk to me when you've had 4 years of it, on top of a whole other bunch of bullying shit.

This is of course a completely useless reaction and not helpful at all. Just because you have a problem to a greater degree doesn't mean it's not a big deal. More than that, it seems quite smart of him to take it up now rather than wait for years of added pain before he is 'allowed' to talk to you about it.

Ok, you want a proper response?

Some people are gonna think that you're gay, no matter what you do or say to convince them otherwise. You could go 12-for-12 with this year's Maxim girls, and all it'd do is convince someone you're doing it as a cover-up. So you just correct them (not that it works very often) and just go about your day.

Guess I was a little too grumpy in my OP. My point is that if being called gay 5 times over the course of a few years is a big problem, congratulations on having a very minor problem. I'm not saying he has to go through the kind of crap I went through (because I wouldn't wish that on anyone) before he can say it's a problem- just that when I compare it to my own experience with this sort of thing, well...

 

[Ashhearth]

In highschool some people thought I was gay from similar things to you plus how I dressed (drama club and just being well dressed). Honestly I thought It was more amusing to watch their expressions of horror as they realized they were wrong People will be people and make assumptions to fill the void where no information is really given. Doesn't make it right but I don't think its anything to be complete offended over.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

*snip*

Been there. -_-

That was basically my entire high school experience. Everyone thought I was gay because I just didn't care about girls (and there were no girls at my all-male high school to convince me otherwise), and everyone else seemed to be a sex crazed douche (ok, maybe just most of them). Cue the entire school picking on me, even guys YOUNGER than me.

I even got confused about my own sexuality at some point because I internalized their non-stop bullying, and it really screwed me up for a while.

Turns out I'm not gay.

In your case, the next time this happens, you should flat out put your foot down. Not only do you correct them, but you should also flat out call them an idiot for sticking to stereotypes and assuming that being "not a badass mother!@#$er" means you are gay. Ask them to their face why they think you are gay. Put them on the spot. Make them sweat and regret their hasty judgement. Unless it's your boss or something.

Unfortunately, as long as these retarded stereotypes exists (and they will as long as idiots exist) this problem will not go away until you get into a relationship with a girl. Then, you can look forward to looks of shock and surprise that you're actually not gay.

 

[Mausthemighty]

OP, don't let it bother you too much. People thought that about me too. It was probably because I didn't have a girlfriend for 24 years. I had difficulty making contact with girls because I played a lot of Football and was gaming or studying the rest of time.

Just keep believing in yourself. No matter what they say, you know that you're not gay. (heh that rhymes)

 

[freaper]

I've had similar experiences. One in particular, which left me quite bothered, was with a girl I went on a date with. The date turned out nothing special, seeing as it was my first actual date ever (I was 14 at the time). Some weeks later, we were hanging around at her house, when for a few minutes it was just us two in the room. She then bluntly told me that it would be ok for me to be gay, and that she'd love to have a gay friend. I guess it kinda made sense from her point of view; I'm the tall skinny shy guy, awkward on dates, but buddy-buddy with girls.

It's all about timing; when people confront you at an insecure stage, you'll start doubting many things about yourself. That's not necessarily a bad thing, in a sense it helps you rebuild yourself, from the ground up you become a better and stronger person, having been reduced to zero.

I also went through a "rougher" time, and I guess people don't associate depressed individuals with homosexuality (which is kinda ironic, considering gay people have it tougher), or I just became "manlier". Nonetheless, I haven't had someone approach me on that subject (seriously) any longer. If they do, it's jokingly, and then I'll humor them.

Just remember that you don't have anything to prove to anyone, so there's no need to forcefully change your routine or habits. Do whatever you want.

P.S.: oh, and flip the finger to whoever tells you your gay in a condescending manner next time. Being gay is not some mental retardation: "Oh it's ok, he's only gay..." [sup]fck'n wankers[/sup]