So relationships...Why?

[Vivace-Vivian]

Eventually, you'll meet a person who makes you truly happy. Someone who makes you feel like a part of you is missing when they're not around. Someone who makes you want to try things you've never considered before. That's why. When it's good, a relationship is like a puzzle. The pieces fit together, and the picture isn't whole otherwise.

Sort of sums up what happened to me.

I used ot be a cynic too, and when I felt like that peice was missing after I met my lady I hated it. I hated it for a good long time. But we were sort of stuck together and eventually I fell into accepting it. Even liking it.

 

[Duck Sandwich]

I'm kind of torn on the idea of relationships. On one hand, I want companionship. I want someone who I can have long, meaningful and interesting conversations with about each other's deepest thoughts and experiences in life. I'd like someone to be able to come home and spend time with. Someone to go running, or rock climbing, or even training in MMA with (HA! Like there's any chance of that happening! But a man can dream, can't he?).

On the other hand, there's no one I've found that I could imagine doing those things with. There's a major lack of women my age that I know of that share any of those hobbies. I really don't care much for going to movie theatres, restaurants, or going out to clubs. (For the most part, I'd rather buy and cook my own food, watch movies at home where I don't have to sit through filler advertisements, and I can stop to take a piss without missing anything) and I'm one of those weirdos who actually gives a shit about what goes into their body) That, and I'm a cheap bastard.

 

[spartandude]

Since my last break up Ive kinda emotionally distanced myself in relationships, i usually treat them as a close friend i can shag and end it if it gets too serious.
Not very nice i know and im not proud of it, but quite frankly my sex drive is in control and i dont like people that much.

 

[MelziGurl]

Meh I'm content with getting it wherever and whenever I can relationships are seriously fucking draining after my last breakup I swore I was done won't even consider a serious relationship until I'm 30-35 I'm too young and have far too much ahead of me to jeapordise my plans for another person.

And what do you get out of a relationship at this age really? Debt? Arguments? Unecessary reponsabilities? How many people in there 20's stay together anyway statistics say not fuckin' many.

Do you have these statistics? I'm just curious to seem them, I know far too many people in their 20's that have solid relationships. Enough to get married, have children or do both.

 

[TipsyPeaches]

after my ex fiance ditched me for going to Japan for uni, which had been planned for well over a year before I got with him, i've been rather distrustful of relationships. Doesn't mean I believe I'll never have another meaningful relationship, I'm just going to be a lot more wary in future.

 

[Baby Tea]

*snip*

Fine. New relationships are all about sex. Older relationships are about dependence. The couple has been together so long that they are now unable to be apart from each other. They fear being away from the other person. So even if they do not like them they will stick together because they know nothing else.

Also wrong.
It's not about dependency either. Least-ways, not in the negative context you think (or insinuate) it is. It's not that they are 'unable' to be apart from each other. That presupposes that they wouldn't be able to function (Mentally, emotionally, even physically) properly without the other. In a good relationship, the other person doesn't drag you along, they lift you up. So you're fine, you're normal, without them, but you're a better person with them.

My parent's relationship, them having been married for over 35 years, is not based on dependency. Both my parents, as individuals, can function (Mentally, emotionally, and physically) quite well on their own. It's about what the other person does to their preexisting life. It's about what they bring to the table that makes life more than normal, what makes them more than 'fine'.

I have been with the missus going on 4 years now. She is my best friend however if I were not banging her then we would not be in a relationship. We would just be friends.

Well doesn't that sounds like a wonderful, meaningful relationship.
Let me ask you some things: Why call her 'the missus' at all? By your own admission, you aren't really 'dating', you're just 'friends with benefits', since the only thing that is between you and 'friendship' is the sex.
Do you have sex with other people? Why or why not?
Would you ever say what I quoted right there to her face? I bet that would go over well.

I am simply smarter than the average bear so can see shit for what it is without silly little delusions.

HAH! Awesome. You can't make people write things like that!

 

[MelziGurl]

after my ex fiance ditched me for going to Japan for uni, which had been planned for well over a year before I got with him, i've been rather distrustful of relationships. Doesn't mean I believe I'll never have another meaningful relationship, I'm just going to be a lot more wary in future.

My ex fiancee ditched me for my best mate at the time...who in turn rejected him because she was happy in her marriage. I'll never blame her for what happened, he deluded himself into thinking there was something there that never existed in the first place. But, it almost ended her marriage, it threw her into a deep depression and now doesn't talk to me or anyone who witnessed my break up. For someone who claimed to love her THAT MUCH (I have read a message detailing much...pathetic it was) he sure did go about shattering the hearts of two women closest to him.

He's learnt not to screw with my friends and family of late...it brings out the worst in me

 

[Baby Tea]

Until that person leaves or dies. Then they shut down completely. Its all very well and good to say they can function without the person if you are talking about a matter of days. But to be separated permanently, totally different story.

Which goes to show you how much that person meant to them.
It's not about the loss of sex, it's about the loss of the only partner who made you a truly better person.
That's just simple grief.

Yeah, she knows. She agrees with me. A "relationship" without sex is just friendship. Trying to claim a real, functioning relationship is just "friends with benefits" just because the people in it can understand the differences between the two is just so mind bendingly stupid that it has to be a deliberate attempt at trolling.

But you just said, in the sentence before, that a relationship without sex is just friendship.
That makes a relationship, according to you, 'friendship with sex'. Sex is the qualifier here.
Which is, as the saying goes, 'friends with benefits'.

So why, again, do you not have sex with more girl friends?
Why call her the missus at all?

I am simply smarter than the average bear so can see shit for what it is without silly little delusions.

HAH! Awesome. You can't make people write things like that!

Okay, seriously, stop acting like a moron. You are old enough to have seen Yogi bear, you know perfectly well that is a common saying.

*facepalm*
So much for standing corrected.
You're right: Thanks for playing. I thought this was a debate with someone 'smarter then the average bear'.
That's the internet, for you!

 

[HerrBobo]

Sex? Sure. I love having sex with my g/f. There is more to it then that though; I can get sex without a relationship.

I love her and want to share my life and all my experiences with her. My life is better because she is in it.

Finally someone else admitting that it doesnt take a relatioship to get some

Well, I mean, its true. Getting sex is not that hard, even if you're single.

 

[creager91]

snip

I honestly just quoted you to get your attention but I would like to say that while I am glad, don't get me wrong I really am, that you have someone that means so much to you that it is clearly evident to everyone on this board. But I would also like to know how old you are and how old you were when you met and decided to marry. Probably just the psychologist in me just trying to get some numbers here haha but I'll thank you for your cooperation in advance. Also if you could give me like a small amount of detail as to what you were like before your spouse and how you changed and how your past relations with women were before your spouse. again thanks and Ill understand if you dont want to give TOO much detail as this is the internet and creeps are all over, i just want a small description like a sentence or 2.

 

[Ossian]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

Why?

Co-Op mode is more fun than playing alone.

 

[creager91]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

Why?

Co-Op mode is more fun than playing alone.

You can find friends to Co-Op with... you dont need to be tied down by mutual rules if you have multiple friends to play co-op with...yes I get the innuendo btw and it did give me a nice lqtm

 

[Ossian]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

Why?

Co-Op mode is more fun than playing alone.

You can find friends to Co-Op with... you dont need to be tied down by mutual rules if you have multiple friends to play co-op with...yes I get the innuendo btw and it did give me a nice lqtm

Lol, I didn't even think of it that why, nice man!
I just meant in life general, Co-Op is better then living alone, if you had a bad day, you can text or call that special someone and a text smiley can change you mood.

Also on the money thing, I don't see it, in a true relationship you can merely go over to the other person's house and do exactly what you normally do, watch TV talk about nothing etc.

 

[creager91]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

Why?

Co-Op mode is more fun than playing alone.

You can find friends to Co-Op with... you dont need to be tied down by mutual rules if you have multiple friends to play co-op with...yes I get the innuendo btw and it did give me a nice lqtm

Lol, I didn't even think of it that why, nice man!
I just meant in life general, Co-Op is better then living alone, if you had a bad day, you can text or call that special someone and a text smiley can change you mood.

Also on the money thing, I don't see it, in a true relationship you can merely go over to the other person's house and do exactly what you normally do, watch TV talk about nothing etc.

Idk I think I personally get the emotional support I need from my friends. And seeing as how I constantly talk to girls in a psuedo-relationship manner I get what I need from them too. I like to think that I'm actually lucky that I have all these qualities in the people I choose to keep close to me so that I am completely independent and dependent at the same time. Like I know some of my friends feel like they need a relationship to be happy but a wise man once told me "as soon as you give someone control of your happiness you give them control of all your other emotions as well"

Now im not sayin that all relationships are like that but at my age the better part of the majority are. My generation is fucked up in the head and not many seem to be willing to admit that. Its a rare trait at my age to find someone that doesnt need others to make them happy but instead merely to enjoy the company of

 

[Shadow-Phoenix]

If you think relationships are a waste, then they're wasted on you. You'd better have fun being alone, cos thats what you'll get.

Getting along with people is a sign of humanity.

Getting along with someone to an extent that you would gladly spend your time and money making their life happier is a sign of maturity.

I totally agree with you on that point but quite a few incidents in the past of humanity make me think the phrase "getting along with people is a sign of humanity" is quite literally flawed.

 

[Baby Tea]

But I would also like to know how old you are and how old you were when you met and decided to marry.

Well let's see...I'm 27 now.
We've been married for 3 years (This May). We were together for about 2.5 years before that. We got engaged after a year, were engaged for two years (She was finishing school), and I was 23 (Turning 24 that year) at the time we got married (She was 21).

Also if you could give me like a small amount of detail as to what you were like before your spouse and how you changed and how your past relations with women were before your spouse.

Simply put, she challenges me.
All my other relationships were with girls who didn't push me to do anything, to be anything. It's not that they liked me for who I was. It was that they didn't care about who I was, really. My wife cares about who I am, so she pushes me to try things, go places, meet people, and do more then what I did before: Sit in my room playing video games. She wants to see me succeed, not because she wants to be with a successful man, but because she sees in me what I can be, even when I can't.

She loves me when I make it, she loves me when I fail.
She loves me when I'm attentive, and she loves me when I'm an ass.
She's always encouraging, never puts me down, and totally puts up with my crap. Whether it's me rambling about a game I got, my ranting about a bad day at work, or when I just get silly and read road signs in my radio-announcer voice.

No other girl I've dated has even come close to being as awesome, as special, as funny, as smart, or challenging, or as compatible. I've not always been the best husband, but she's always been the best wife.

Does that help?

 

[Ossian]

SNIP

That is true, but I was isolated growing up, and my family isn't very supportive, I had a short 2 week relationship, and it didn't work out probably cause of some of my failings to engage her romantically enough, but I was never happier, just having someone I could tell things to and talk to at the end of the day was great, most my friends never call me unless they need something or need a partner to play with.
Guess I don't have close friends.

 

[creager91]

But I would also like to know how old you are and how old you were when you met and decided to marry.

Well let's see...I'm 27 now.
We've been married for 3 years (This May). We were together for about 2.5 years before that. We got engaged after a year, were engaged for two years (She was finishing school), and I was 23 (Turning 24 that year) at the time we got married (She was 21).

Also if you could give me like a small amount of detail as to what you were like before your spouse and how you changed and how your past relations with women were before your spouse.

Simply put, she challenges me.
All my other relationships were with girls who didn't push me to do anything, to be anything. It's not that they liked me for who I was. It was that they didn't care about who I was, really. My wife cares about who I am, so she pushes me to try things, go places, meet people, and do more then what I did before: Sit in my room playing video games. She wants to see me succeed, not because she wants to be with a successful man, but because she sees in me what I can be, even when I can't.

She loves me when I make it, she loves me when I fail.
She loves me when I'm attentive, and she loves me when I'm an ass.
She's always encouraging, never puts me down, and totally puts up with my crap. Whether it's me rambling about a game I got, my ranting about a bad day at work, or when I just get silly and read road signs in my radio-announcer voice.

No other girl I've dated has even come close to being as awesome, as special, as funny, as smart, or challenging, or as compatible. I've not always been the best husband, but she's always been the best wife.

Does that help?

It does and it kind of supports what ive been saying, when I graduate ill be 23 turning 24 as well but I'll need at least 2 years of grad school as well so ill be 25 by the time thats over which is also when i said Id start looking for something more serious. Also I would encourage you to not be so cynical of people like me (even though in my worst moods I am one of the biggest cynics). To me it honestly sounds like you've seen the horrors of the dating world that I described and when you were more mature and found someone that was also past that immature behavior that plagues the younger people like my age, including myself, that you were truly able to find someone. So I ask you to try and relate your past experiences to people like me and see that were not so different you have just been lucky enough to be with that oner person for so long that you take it as an attack on your healthy relationship that started at a more mature age. Am I making as much sense as I'd hoped to? watching Samurai jack tends to make me a bit more riddle-like than normal haha

 

[creager91]

after my ex fiance ditched me for going to Japan for uni, which had been planned for well over a year before I got with him, i've been rather distrustful of relationships. Doesn't mean I believe I'll never have another meaningful relationship, I'm just going to be a lot more wary in future.

Do you know if hes ok? you know with all the disaster in the area there?

 

[Harbinger_]

Hello fellow escapists. I was wondering what you guys could tell me about relationships and why they are so appealing to you or unappealing. As for myself I have become somewhat of a cynic in the past few years and I feel that relationships are just reasons to induce stress, worry, and jealousy also a colossal waste of money. Now granted I have been asked if I was a...pick up artist I think the term was?

Anywho the point is that I'll admit, ever since my ex left me I kind of became a bit of a player and thus a cynic but enough about me what do you guys think? and also if you feel the need to persuade me otherwise I do try to keep an open mind so fire away

It depends on the person and their interests and what they feel they are getting out of a relationship. Some feel it's worth it and some don't.