So , what's the point of being in a relationship.

Lynx

New member
Jul 24, 2009
705
0
0
To me it's like having a best friend that you share nearly everything with. Including an apartment, two cats, a bed, sexual adventures, stupid jokes, complicated issues, cute compliments, cuddle, geeky interests and a lifetime of laughs and kisses.

Pretty awesome to me.
And as someone already pointed out: not everyone gets this joy from traditional relationships, in which case you don't need to be in one. I know several people who go along just fine on their own, not remotely interested in falling in love. Big deal? Do what makes you happy, don't bow to social constructs and "find a nice girl" just because people think you should.
 

DoomyMcDoom

New member
Jul 4, 2008
1,411
0
0
There are other reasons to be in a relationship, one of which (this is going to sound callous but it is in fact very true, just look around you) is that if you have a relationship whether or not you want kids, it shows employers, and others a situation that raises your importance level above the single employees, because there is potential child making, meaning a higher potential need for the job(protecting woman and child, with income), if you're single, and you have a co-worker of equal or lesser overall performance value to the company, and they have to lay one of you off, it'll be you looking for work.

I've been in love before, it fucked up my entire life, I don't suggest it as a reason to invest your life in anything, but it is a nice experience while it lasts.

As it is, I would love to be in a relationship with someone, for a handfull of valid reasons, stated below:

1. I Want to have someone with whome I can share my many adventures, and have fun with, and share life with on a deeper level than just friendship.

2. I tend to hate having a cold bed, and I find it hard to sleep restfully with an unfamiliar person in my presence.

3. I have herpes, and as such a relationship where my condition is a known quantity, and over and dealt with, saves me from having to go through like 30 women to get one night of "fun" during which my ego takes the beating of a lifetime, as most of those women treat me like some kind of leper, or some kind of freaky abomination, rather than like a person, with feelings, who happens to have been dealt a really shitty hand by life.

4. I suffer from a kind of depression, which ends up with me losing all hope in life if left alone for too long, and a lack of meaningful physical contact with others over the last 2 years has kinda put me in a position where I suffer from an automatic subconscious fear response when women so much as brush against me accidentally, causing muscle tension, and sudden mindbending levels of awkwardness.

5. Because I have a lot of love to give, and a lot of skill where the showing of love in different ways is concerned, and it takes time for me to get close enough to a woman to even be able to use said skills appropriately, and something about not using some of my most finely tuned abilities, and watching me get rustier and rustier, pisses me right the fuck off.

Those are in no particular order, but still, when it comes down to it, the longer I go without someone to be with, the more neurotic and broken I become, and it takes more and more effort even to relate to my friends on a normal level, whereas most if not all of my friends would tell you that I'm a great guy and have a wonderful personality, when I'm in a relationship, but tend to become an ambition devoid, emotionally crippled downer, if I'm single too long.

Cuz not only is it immensely hard to find a woman who fits with my personality, but finding one who fits my personality AND can get over the fact that I have an STD, is like finding a diamond in a porkchop, theoretically it could possibly happen, but it's not likely by any stretch of the imagination.

So yeah, right now, I'm in a really bad place psychologically, and I'm not getting any better, not like I'm going to kill myself or anything, well not actively, my subconscious is seemingly trying though, I'm suffering from insomnia and a massive loss of appetite... Still, no woman wants to be with a sad piece of worthless shit like me...
 

Moonlight Butterfly

Be the Leaf
Mar 16, 2011
6,157
0
0
I have had such bad experiences lately that I actually get frightened if I feel like I'm going to have feelings for someone...I'm a romantic so it's hard.

I'm trying to avoid it a bit until I get well and sort my life out.
 

Imperioratorex Caprae

Henchgoat Emperor
May 15, 2010
5,499
0
0
For me its being with the person who shores up my weak points while at the same time allows me to be myself and loves me for it. And the vice-versa for her. I'm a social animal and I feel that while I can live on my own and independent, my quality of life is significantly increased by being with my wife. Also my daughter is the best thing to have happened to me and without my wife I wouldn't have her in my life. She's not my flesh and blood, but she calls me Daddy and so far she's my greatest accomplishment. I'm so proud of my daughter on a daily basis I don't honestly know what my life would be like without her or my wife in the picture.
But as I say, not everyone is a relationship person... But then we all change every 7 years physiologically or mentally and perhaps one day perspectives will shift for people who just "don't get it". BTW it has its ups and downs but the ups are worth the downs... I'm one lucky bastard.
 

Naeras

New member
Mar 1, 2011
989
0
0
The point where you feel the downsides of being in a relationship outweighs the upsides, you should seriously consider ending it.
 

That Guy Ya Know

Forum Title:
Sep 9, 2009
150
0
0
JokerboyJordan said:
Maybe you're just asexual, that's one of the hip new labels people identify with right?
It would be aromantic actually. Asexual means you don't want to have sex, aromantic means you don't want to have a relationship. Plenty of people are one of the two without being the other.
 

RustlessPotato

New member
Aug 17, 2009
561
0
0
I don't know. There's something about seeing my girlfriend smile to me when I see her after a long day. I'm happy with her. ( Note, i'm perfectly happy when I was single too). There is no "point" to anything if you take it to the extreme. People could easily ask what the point is in some of the things you do, OP. So no answer will be satisfying for you. Relationships might not be your thing and that is perfectly fine.
 

RobDaBank

New member
Nov 16, 2011
238
0
0
Guaranteed sex? Try that after having a child! Though my partner has also recently gone through a miscarriage as well, we haven't had sex in ages! I think the main attraction for me is I'm all kinds of attracted to her, love being with her and love the son she gave me. I think stability is a big factor too. I get hone from work knowing the house will be in order and that Elliott will be looked after.

As people have said though relationships aren't for everyone and I can see why. There's a certain attraction to being 'free' to do as you please and attempt to pull any girl/guy you like, but do you really want to discuss your financial woes or uninterested work related issues to a stranger?
 

Lonan

New member
Dec 27, 2008
1,243
0
0
DoomyMcDoom said:
There are other reasons to be in a relationship, one of which (this is going to sound callous but it is in fact very true, just look around you) is that if you have a relationship whether or not you want kids, it shows employers, and others a situation that raises your importance level above the single employees, because there is potential child making, meaning a higher potential need for the job(protecting woman and child, with income), if you're single, and you have a co-worker of equal or lesser overall performance value to the company, and they have to lay one of you off, it'll be you looking for work.

I've been in love before, it fucked up my entire life, I don't suggest it as a reason to invest your life in anything, but it is a nice experience while it lasts.

As it is, I would love to be in a relationship with someone, for a handfull of valid reasons, stated below:

1. I Want to have someone with whome I can share my many adventures, and have fun with, and share life with on a deeper level than just friendship.

2. I tend to hate having a cold bed, and I find it hard to sleep restfully with an unfamiliar person in my presence.

3. I have herpes, and as such a relationship where my condition is a known quantity, and over and dealt with, saves me from having to go through like 30 women to get one night of "fun" during which my ego takes the beating of a lifetime, as most of those women treat me like some kind of leper, or some kind of freaky abomination, rather than like a person, with feelings, who happens to have been dealt a really shitty hand by life.

4. I suffer from a kind of depression, which ends up with me losing all hope in life if left alone for too long, and a lack of meaningful physical contact with others over the last 2 years has kinda put me in a position where I suffer from an automatic subconscious fear response when women so much as brush against me accidentally, causing muscle tension, and sudden mindbending levels of awkwardness.

5. Because I have a lot of love to give, and a lot of skill where the showing of love in different ways is concerned, and it takes time for me to get close enough to a woman to even be able to use said skills appropriately, and something about not using some of my most finely tuned abilities, and watching me get rustier and rustier, pisses me right the fuck off.

Those are in no particular order, but still, when it comes down to it, the longer I go without someone to be with, the more neurotic and broken I become, and it takes more and more effort even to relate to my friends on a normal level, whereas most if not all of my friends would tell you that I'm a great guy and have a wonderful personality, when I'm in a relationship, but tend to become an ambition devoid, emotionally crippled downer, if I'm single too long.

Cuz not only is it immensely hard to find a woman who fits with my personality, but finding one who fits my personality AND can get over the fact that I have an STD, is like finding a diamond in a porkchop, theoretically it could possibly happen, but it's not likely by any stretch of the imagination.

So yeah, right now, I'm in a really bad place psychologically, and I'm not getting any better, not like I'm going to kill myself or anything, well not actively, my subconscious is seemingly trying though, I'm suffering from insomnia and a massive loss of appetite... Still, no woman wants to be with a sad piece of worthless shit like me...
You are not your disease, don't call yourself a sad piece of shit. That's just the cards you were dealt, its not who you are.
 

scorptatious

The Resident Team ICO Fanboy
May 14, 2009
7,405
0
0
As someone who has never been in a serious relationship before it's sorta hard to describe.

Part of me feels the desire to be close to someone I find to be attractive, both physically and personality wise. I really like the idea of being with someone outside my own family who would love me unconditionally. It's just... I don't know. It's just me being human I guess.
 

SovietSecrets

iDrink, iSmoke, iPill
Nov 16, 2008
3,975
0
0
Because I enjoy having someone I can be with on a deeper level than just friends. If you really can't see the point of being in a relationship, then maybe it just isn't for you. Don't know how else to explain it.
 

krazykidd

New member
Mar 22, 2008
6,099
0
0
DoomyMcDoom said:
There are other reasons to be in a relationship, one of which (this is going to sound callous but it is in fact very true, just look around you) is that if you have a relationship whether or not you want kids, it shows employers, and others a situation that raises your importance level above the single employees, because there is potential child making, meaning a higher potential need for the job(protecting woman and child, with income), if you're single, and you have a co-worker of equal or lesser overall performance value to the company, and they have to lay one of you off, it'll be you looking for work.

I've been in love before, it fucked up my entire life, I don't suggest it as a reason to invest your life in anything, but it is a nice experience while it lasts.

As it is, I would love to be in a relationship with someone, for a handfull of valid reasons, stated below:

1. I Want to have someone with whome I can share my many adventures, and have fun with, and share life with on a deeper level than just friendship.

2. I tend to hate having a cold bed, and I find it hard to sleep restfully with an unfamiliar person in my presence.

3. I have herpes, and as such a relationship where my condition is a known quantity, and over and dealt with, saves me from having to go through like 30 women to get one night of "fun" during which my ego takes the beating of a lifetime, as most of those women treat me like some kind of leper, or some kind of freaky abomination, rather than like a person, with feelings, who happens to have been dealt a really shitty hand by life.

4. I suffer from a kind of depression, which ends up with me losing all hope in life if left alone for too long, and a lack of meaningful physical contact with others over the last 2 years has kinda put me in a position where I suffer from an automatic subconscious fear response when women so much as brush against me accidentally, causing muscle tension, and sudden mindbending levels of awkwardness.

5. Because I have a lot of love to give, and a lot of skill where the showing of love in different ways is concerned, and it takes time for me to get close enough to a woman to even be able to use said skills appropriately, and something about not using some of my most finely tuned abilities, and watching me get rustier and rustier, pisses me right the fuck off.

Those are in no particular order, but still, when it comes down to it, the longer I go without someone to be with, the more neurotic and broken I become, and it takes more and more effort even to relate to my friends on a normal level, whereas most if not all of my friends would tell you that I'm a great guy and have a wonderful personality, when I'm in a relationship, but tend to become an ambition devoid, emotionally crippled downer, if I'm single too long.

Cuz not only is it immensely hard to find a woman who fits with my personality, but finding one who fits my personality AND can get over the fact that I have an STD, is like finding a diamond in a porkchop, theoretically it could possibly happen, but it's not likely by any stretch of the imagination.

So yeah, right now, I'm in a really bad place psychologically, and I'm not getting any better, not like I'm going to kill myself or anything, well not actively, my subconscious is seemingly trying though, I'm suffering from insomnia and a massive loss of appetite... Still, no woman wants to be with a sad piece of worthless shit like me...
Well that degraded quick . *Looks at avatar name * DoomyMcDoom , that can't be healthy . Ever try dating sites? It's an ocean of different people , maybe you'd find someone .
 

TheDrunkNinja

New member
Jun 12, 2009
1,875
0
0
Yes yes, people don't see the point of being in a relationship, people don't see the point of having children.

My god, is this generation is so lacking in empathy that they feel the need to dissect and analyze the benefits of being in a relationship before realizing that maybe people might just be in love or at the very least trying to find love?

Why does this have to be so complicated? It's already complicated enough when dealing with emotions.
 

Godhead

Dib dib dib, dob dob dob.
May 25, 2009
1,692
0
0
This thread makes me feel sad. My two closest friends are going off to boot for the Marines over the summer and will most likely be stationed down in South Carolina afterwards (or at least that's what their Recruiting officer said) and my only other friend is going off to college. Damn it's gonna be lonely for a bit.
 

Headsprouter

Monster Befriender
Legacy
Oct 14, 2020
8,662
3
43
I dunno. I've never been in a relationship. But I want to feel love. I've had a few admirers, and even just knowing somebody likes you, even if the relationship is destined to die and you'd be an idiot to let it happen, it's a great feeling.
Unfortunately, though I lack the balls to go chat to girls without feeling like a sleaze. I also want to be in a relationship out of fear of being alone. Then again, I also fear my lady-friend messing up my life too much and throwing away stuff I'm sentimental to. Why do I fear that? Let's just say it's a quirk of my mother.
A relationship'd be a great way to interact with a human each day that I like and feel attracted to. I often feel I'd rather be a societal recluse than have to interact with human beings every day, but honestly, It's a stupid thought. I'd get depressed quite quickly, I'm almost certain.
Let's just say if I won the lottery, I'd get a modest house, and fuel my interests, but little more. If I had a girl by the time that happened, that's probably the only way I'd ever find somebody that truly likes me for me. That's why the prospect of winning the lottery is both brilliant and terrifying to me.

VeneratedWulfen93 said:
Society constantly telling us we should be in relationships, that only losers don't have girlfriends/boyfriends and a futile sense of companionship in a world where love is accepted as an actual thing. There some of the bull reasons we are fed by films, magazines and even family.

I to see no reason for them. The emotion of 'love' is beyond what I understand and I do not believe it exists.
DUUUUUUUDE.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!

GOD.

SUCH A DOWNER.

Don't take this offensively, I take it from the fact that you said love is "beyond what you understand", are you in some way on the autistic spectrum? Really, I don't mean to offend if this isn't true, I just think it's the only way I can explain your brilliantly alternative thinking. Either that or you're just asexual. Or neither. Maybe you're just you. And that isn't bad. We know so little about the brain as of now that you could be correct, maybe love is just another chemical. But then again "hunger" is a very physical phenomenon, hunger is bad for us, yet just because it's not a measurable sensation doesn't mean it's not there.

Maybe I read too much Yeats or Donne poetry. Probably.

I feel I may regret this post A LOT.
 

Extra-Ordinary

Elite Member
Mar 17, 2010
2,065
0
41
Headsprouter said:
I dunno. I've never been in a relationship. But I want to feel love. I've had a few admirers, and even just knowing somebody likes you, even if the relationship is destined to die and you'd be an idiot to let it happen, it's a great feeling.
Unfortunately, though I lack the balls to go chat to girls without feeling like a sleaze. I also want to be in a relationship out of fear of being alone. Then again, I also fear my lady-friend messing up my life too much and throwing away stuff I'm sentimental to. Why do I fear that? Let's just say it's a quirk of my mother.
A relationship'd be a great way to interact with a human each day that I like and feel attracted to. I often feel I'd rather be a societal recluse than have to interact with human beings every day, but honestly, It's a stupid thought. I'd get depressed quite quickly, I'm almost certain.
Let's just say if I won the lottery, I'd get a modest house, and fuel my interests, but little more. If I had a girl by the time that happened, that's probably the only way I'd ever find somebody that truly likes me for me. That's why the prospect of winning the lottery is both brilliant and terrifying to me.
I'm kind of with you.
I don't have a fear of being alone, I can go either way, it's just that I feel like being in a relationship would be nice. Although, I've tried to hook up a few times but I'm either to nervous to try hard enough or I realize part way through that they're not the one. I've been single my entire life, and I'm open to the idea of a relationship, I'm just waiting for the right person. They say beggars can't be choosers but I don't want to hook up with somebody so I could say I'm with somebody, they have to be special, you know? Here's the thing, I've felt love at first sight once. You (not you exclusively, just the people here) might tell me that it's not real, that I felt lust at first sight or something. No, it was most definitely love, and I don't care who believes it. Of course, I got to know her and I realized that her personality wasn't quite compatible with mine and the emotion evaporated pretty quickly. But the point is I know what love feels like and I'm just waiting to feel it again.
Of course, I want it to develop, not just feel it on sight because, well, that didn't work out well last time.

Headsprouter said:
DUUUUUUUDE.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!

GOD.

SUCH A DOWNER.

Don't take this offensively, I take it from the fact that you said love is "beyond what you understand", are you in some way on the autistic spectrum? Really, I don't mean to offend if this isn't true, I just think it's the only way I can explain your brilliantly alternative thinking. Either that or you're just asexual. Or neither. Maybe you're just you. And that isn't bad. We know so little about the brain as of now that you could be correct, maybe love is just another chemical. But then again "hunger" is a very physical phenomenon, hunger is bad for us, yet just because it's not a measurable sensation doesn't mean it's not there.

Maybe I read too much Yeats or Donne poetry. Probably.

I feel I may regret this post A LOT.
You know, I like that hunger analogy. I've heard people say that love isn't real, or that it's just some chemical and my only comebacks were
"Look, man, once you feel it, you won't care what it is."
OR
"Maybe it is just a chemical. Does that make it any less real?"
Now I can add the hunger thing to my arsenal, that's pretty good, thanks.
 

Headsprouter

Monster Befriender
Legacy
Oct 14, 2020
8,662
3
43
torno said:
I'm kind of with you.
I don't have a fear of being alone, I can go either way, it's just that I feel like being in a relationship would be nice. Although, I've tried to hook up a few times but I'm either to nervous to try hard enough or I realize part way through that they're not the one. I've been single my entire life, and I'm open to the idea of a relationship, I'm just waiting for the right person. They say beggars can't be choosers but I don't want to hook up with somebody so I could say I'm with somebody, they have to be special, you know? Here's the thing, I've felt love at first sight once. You (not you exclusively, just the people here) might tell me that it's not real, that I felt lust at first sight or something. No, it was most definitely love, and I don't care who believes it. Of course, I got to know her and I realized that her personality wasn't quite compatible with mine and the emotion evaporated pretty quickly. But the point is I know what love feels like and I'm just waiting to feel it again.
Of course, I want it to develop, not just feel it on sight because, well, that didn't work out well last time.

You know, I like that hunger analogy. I've heard people say that love isn't real, or that it's just some chemical and my only comebacks were
"Look, man, once you feel it, you won't care what it is."
OR
"Maybe it is just a chemical. Does that make it any less real?"
Now I can add the hunger thing to my arsenal, that's pretty good, thanks.
Well, I 'm glad somebody agrees with me. I, too am very open to the idea of a relationship, but I'm very realistic about whether or not it'll work. I've only ever met one girl my personality meshed with kind of perfectly, but we never had particularly lengthy conversation, so it's hard to know. But on the few opportunities we've had to talk it's gone well. I've also experienced love at first sight with a quiet, mysterious, beautiful type of girl. Biggest crush of my life. She was too shy to ever talk with someone outside of her friendship group, though, but I know she knew I liked her. Even if she did, nothing came of it, not worth dwelling on a pretty girl you never knew.

Yeah, the hunger analogy comes from me being a Psychology student. Having some experience with these kinds of debates is great, it really humbles you and allows you to make powerful arguments for both sides.