So , what's the point of being in a relationship.

Seydaman

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So I can have a deeper connection with someone. It might be more acute for me because I have no friends, but romance is fairly consistently on my mind. Generally speaking, most people need at least some form of connection to other people, but that can stop at friends, others need to keep going.
 

tehwalrus

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Whats with all the normies bashing on our relationships suck thread? Maybe some of us are single adult virgins with no prospects and we want to commiserate together about how valentines day is totally made up by big corporations :p

It's kind of funny, I meet so few people as a true antisocial geek that I haven't had a big crush on anyone in about five years, and have never in my life had a crush on anyone that was more than physical attraction. Of course, I never get to know anyone period, so that really stacks the odds against me.



seydaman said:
It might be more acute for me because I have no friends, but romance is fairly consistently on my mind.
edit: that's kind of funny, I have no friends either - how do you deal with that? I haven't found a good approach yet.
 

Azure23

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The point of a relationship?.............Well, it's having sex while watching the extended edition of The Two Towers instead of going to that party together because she wanted a night in.
 

Combustion Kevin

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JokerboyJordan said:
Maybe you're just asexual, that's one of the hip new labels people identify with right?
even asexuals can be romantic, just not the sexy bit.

does that make sense? it's all I got about that. :/
 

EstrogenicMuscle

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Neither being in a relationship or having sex make you a better person. That's an unfortunate social standard people place on people in order to make people feel better about themselves who have formed such a relationship. Or a cheap trolling tactic at perceived social outcasts. Also usually used to feel better about oneself.

Relationships like this exist for a reason, though. It is a way of getting a lot of great things out of one person. Companionship is nice for many people, and a deep personal bond to one person to the point that sex is used as a bonding tool often makes people feel extremely secure. It is a kind of dependency that I think replaces relationships with ones own parents for many people.

When people are young, they usually care about the opinions of their parents. When they are a teenager, it is a mixture between their parents and their peers. After adulthood, people often look elsewhere, political organization, community, religion. Eventually, for many people, a "significant other" and children of their own can start to erode degrees of want for parental and peer love. As new bonds start to form.

Monogamy and haven't children aren't the only ways to find such purpose and fulfillment in live. But they are forms that a lot of people fall back on, particularly since they are common in society.

It is just fine to be single, or virgin, or anything like that, though. No matter what society may say to condemn such status.
 

Mcupobob

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I like being in a relationship, I don't like it when people touch me in less I'm comfortable with them so I can't ever see myself in a one-night stand. Plus I consider myself a romantic, I like being there for a special someone and them doing the same. There not for everyone and I can understand.
 

Dalisclock

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I'll put it simply. It's because you and another person like each other, enough to spend time together. If you don't actually like each other, then both of you should evaluate what you want and what you have and adjust accordingly. Maybe you marry, maybe you break up, maybe you're happy doing what you are doing.

Sure, there's a lot more nuance and complications then that but that's as simple as I can make it.
 

Maevine

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I find our culture's (I can only speak for the US) overwhelming urgency to engage us in long-term monogamous relationships from the day we hit puberty (or even before) a bit perplexing, really. There are many ways to live and love, and only some of them involve spending your life romantically bonded to another.

That said, I have two main reasons for wanting to remain married to my husband.

Firstly, I love him, and with my love comes a desire to stay with him and only him (romantically). In this respect, our relationship can be seen as merely a way of categorizing our love. There's the love I have for my friends, the love I have for my mother and son, and, entirely separate from either of those, the love I have for my husband. Having an official relationship also makes providing the conditions for it much simpler. As husband and wife, we've agreed on the terms of our monogamy, separation, and etc.

Secondly, As you mentioned, family. Being in the relationship that we are, we've identified ourselves as our son's only two permanent guardians (or at least, heaven forbid, until we either die or lose custody). We raise him as the pair who conceived him, and hold the ultimate authority over how he's raised. Our marriage also entails a good many legal benefits, especially when it comes to our son, but I honestly have a difficult time keeping track of those tidbits.

To me, the companionship of marriage is one without equal comparison. Now, in my perfect world, the only definite difference between marriage and friendship would be the involvement of our sexualities. However, much to my dislike, this is hardly ever the case. My friends have never considered themselves to have much obligation to me at all, let alone the astounding sense of commitment it takes to stay married. In fact, it seems as though most of them view "friendship" as nothing more than a relationship in which two people occasionally prefer to seek each other's company. The monthly "hang out" time we share is more than satisfactory to them. Past that, we have little ties, emotional or otherwise, to one another.

My husband, on the other hand, has sworn both his love and commitment to me in the presence of his goddess, my God, and our families. He doesn't plan on bunking out the first time it rains. He's prepared to wake up to the sight of my unshowered face until he awakes no more. For us at least, this type of bond was deserving of an official stamp and an announcement to the world (or maybe just Trenton).

Also fuzzy feel-goods and some unapologetic selfishness. But mostly the muddled mess I tried to describe above.
 

SinisterGehe

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Relationships are for those who want to feel mutual connection at the most basic level. It is a emotional thing - also it has turned in to a status thing in modern culture also - being a virgin is a taboo being out of relationship makes you pathetic and available, lonely and sad (even if you might be at the peak of your happiness) this is how others see it.

I am not in to relationships, I am also off the grey scale. I am the most happy when I am alone, in solitude, tho sometimes even I want someone just to be there to listen for sure.
 

Aramis Night

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I think a lot of people confuse love with caring about someone. Or maybe there is just something wrong with me. I cared about my parents, at least up until they proved unworthy of my care(lying whore mother/lying druggy father). I never loved them. I cared about my friends enough to be willing to take a bullet for them. I do not love my friends, but i cared about them more than my family. I have loved a few women. I was willing to sacrifice everything but my honour for them. But only the one i'm with now has loved me enough to let me keep that. For that reason i love her most of all.

The problem with trying to apply love to multiple people is eventually you come to a point where you have to choose between those you love. The nice thing about a relationship is you're able to make it clear to the world that this is the person that is supposed to matter to you the most and no one has a right to intrude on that.

The problem with relationships is that issue of priorities can still become a problem between the 2 of you. If both parties believe that they themselves should be the priority in the relationship, then it won't work. If one party is willing to devote themselves to the other while the other person also thinks it should be about them, it's not healthy but it could work(doubtful). The best relationships are the ones where both people put the other person ahead of themselves.

But some people just can't do that and i don't think it's fair to anyone to try to convince those people that they need a relationship.
 

ellieallegro

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One word: Intimacy and trust... well, two words. You know that one thing that you have never told anyone about. Yeah, their is someone out there that won't judge you for it because they have their own weird thing that they want to share with only you. That my friend is amazeballs when you can find it. Plus superhappyfuntime sexy sex.
 

idon'tknowaboutthat

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Spinozaad said:
idon said:
Thanks for that, however just because my social life is basically non-existent doesn't mean I'm a stereotypical desperate, embarrassing nerd. It's actually quite the opposite, especially when you carry on an act for so long that everyone thinks you're someone you're not. And as for other things making you happy too, I think everyone on a gaming forum would know that. Me, I just have my death metal, that's what keeps me going.

I obviously don't know what it's like, but it must be nice for you to kinda sit on your high horse of relationship experience and tell us how our failures with the opposite sex have marked us as lepers or something for everyone else.
That's exactly the attitude you need to drop, friend. Despite life being amazing, there already is so much bitterness around. Why add to it?

Life nor society don't you anything. You're not special. You're not entitled to anything. Why not accept that, go out and do something fun?
Err... again, I don't really understand where you're coming from when replying here. Also we're getting a little off topic here, haha. But regardless, I never said anything about entitlement (dangerous word on here, but anyways). I know I'm not "owed" a girlfriend or anything. I was just replying to your comment with people being frustrated with their respective failures, saying that you shouldn't be surprised that it comes out in a place like this, and that you can't expect people to be all smiles about how their lives have fallen flat on their respective faces.

I'm not sure what you meant about an attitude or whatever. Did you mean being negative? Depression and cynicism are safe. I'm sure anyone else that's dealt with depression can tell you that. It's familiar, comfortable. And old habits die hard, I go to counseling and shit, but man, it's hard, even when you know it's bad. Like you said, there's lots of negativity, and you have to separate from that, but... Anyways, we were talking about girls and shit. Cause and effect I guess.
 

Raine_sage

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Eh all I can say is it's not something you can really "get" until you meet someone who just hits all those little emotional needs you didn't even know you had until you met them.
One of my friends did not have a very happy childhood. Her mother was mentally ill and her father only really stayed in the relationship because he didn't trust the schizophrenic woman to not kill the kids if left unsupervised. There was no doubt he cared about his family but between paying for two kids and all his wife's medication he was pretty much always at work.

When we first met she flat out told me she didn't believe in love. Movie love or fairytale love was about as real to her as a unicorn. She'd never seen a relationship that didn't end in misery and hurt feelings and she didn't understand why after a breakup all her other friends were so eager to find a new one. It was like watching someone ram their head into a brick wall over and over. She came out of all this with a terrible fear of commitment (not just the relationship kind either the thought of planning anything more than a week in advance made her hyperventilate). And then she met her boyfriend.

It started out as a long distance relationship, and gradually grew more and more serious. They talked about starting a family, moving in together, planned visits. Every time he called or texted her I could see her face just light up. It was amazing, like her entire view on the subject did a complete 180 she couldn't get enough of this guy. I was sure they were going to be very happy together because as far as I could tell he felt the same way. Unfortunately he broke up with her because he wanted to pursue another girl, and when that girl ultimately dumped him he committed suicide.

Needless to say my friend was a mess. Mess is probably putting it lightly. But despite everything she was going through at the time she told me she finally understood. And that even knowing how it would end she'd do it all over again. She hasn't seen anyone since, she's too shy to actively ask people out and the idea of trying another online relationship is still too painful to consider, but she's hopeful that one day she might get another shot at a happier ending. I'm still looking, so far I haven't found anyone who does that for me, but I'm unwilling to write myself off just yet because of her.
 

Mr C

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My wife is my rock. We are there for each other in many intangible ways a friend can never be.
 

gazumped

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krazykidd said:
She has told me before that , sometimes she feels like we are roomates that sleep together .
Yeah, my ex boyfriend said something like this to me. Right before dumping me. Because that's not really how a relationship should be, at all. The problem here seems to be that you're in a relationship devoid of romance or affection and you think this is how all relationships are. They're really, really not.

I've been in bad/shallow relationships (like the one with my aforementioned ex) where I have felt trapped, unfulfilled, and like I'm just there for him to score brownie points with his mates. But now I'm in a relationship where the biggest treat for me is to go and see my boyfriend, where I feel heady for a day after I've seen him, where I snuggle up to where he slept in my bed last night so I can breathe in the last remnants of his small on the bedsheets.
And that's just how I feel when he isn't around. Imagine how amazing it is when he is.

When I was last single it was just before my final year of uni, and I promised myself I wouldn't go after a new partner until after uni was done with, because I didn't have the time and I was enjoying just having time to myself without having to run around after anyone else. Then one of my best friends who I really cared about and really enjoyed the company of kept asking me to hang out, things got flirty, I gave a little thought to what he might be like as a boyfriend and I soon decided 'to hell with uni work, I NEED THIS MAN IN MY LIFE AS MUCH AS IS PRACTICALLY POSSIBLE'. There was no logical weighing of pros and cons, the reason I'm in a relationship is because I adore this one person and want to be around them all the time and I want to be able to snuggle them and kiss them whenever I want. I just do, it's just a physical/emotional compulsion.

krazykidd said:
Well it's easy , depending on your moral standpoint . If you want to get laid , and don't think casual sex is morally reprehensible , it's not that difficult to do ,
Hmm, easy maybe, but from my experience I'd say it's nowhere near as good. I did have a casual friends with benefits relationship with someone before my current boyfriend. They were a good friend, a reasonably good lover, they showed me care and respect.
I have absolutely no qualms with casual sex on the moral front. It even made me feel a bit empowered ("Yeah, I'm having sex TOTALLY ON MY OWN TERMS") but overall it was incredibly empty and unfulfilling. You get naked with someone, you're totally vulnerable with them, you experience this powerful physical and chemical sensation with them... and then they (or you) get dressed, say 'thanks very much', and leave. And you're left with no one to cuddle, no one to have fun with in the aftermath of a glorious heady haze, no one to stare at lovingly and think 'I'm so lucky that I get to bump uglies with you'. Casual sex is just no where near as awesome as it is with someone you love.

HAVING SAID THAT, sex in a relationship isn't always better than casual sex. Sex in a GOOD relationship is, but sex in a BAD relationship is horrible, as it tends to start being a chore that you're just doing because if you stop it altogether you're going to have to admit that it's a bad relationship and break up and that's haaaard. (Again, I refer you to the ex I mentioned at the beginning of this post.)
 

JoesshittyOs

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You seem to have answered all your own questions there, so I'm not really sure what the point of this thread is. Companionship, sex, love, family. (Though having a girlfriend is different than owning a pet, strange that that needs to be said)

What's the point of living? Why do you do continue to do it? It's easy to say it's pointless, but you're sort of suppose to figure it out yourself.
 

MetalMagpie

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I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I just happened to meet someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Relationships have many advantages (companionship, easier to buy property, etc.) but the main reason I'm in one is simply because I'm in love!
 

ellieallegro

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lisadagz said:
Snip...

I have absolutely no qualms with casual sex on the moral front. It even made me feel a bit empowered ("Yeah, I'm having sex TOTALLY ON MY OWN TERMS") but overall it was incredibly empty and unfulfilling. You get naked with someone, you're totally vulnerable with them, you experience this powerful physical and chemical sensation with them... and then they (or you) get dressed, say 'thanks very much', and leave. And you're left with no one to cuddle, no one to have fun with in the aftermath of a glorious heady haze, no one to stare at lovingly and think 'I'm so lucky that I get to bump uglies with you'. Casual sex is just no where near as awesome as it is with someone you love.

HAVING SAID THAT, sex in a relationship isn't always better than casual sex. Sex in a GOOD relationship is, but sex in a BAD relationship is horrible, as it tends to start being a chore that you're just doing because if you stop it altogether you're going to have to admit that it's a bad relationship and break up and that's haaaard. (Again, I refer you to the ex I mentioned at the beginning of this post.)
'Thanks very much'?? Haha that's not casual sex, that's just being an inconsiderate jerk (regardless of what gender you are). When I have had what I call casual sex, it doesn't mean I value the person any less. Casual sex includes caring about the person (and cuddling) in my book.

I hear you about the sex in a bad relationship... once it becomes a chore like doing the dishes or taking out the trash it's the beginning of the end for me.
 

Andalusa

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I have been in one relationship in my life, so I'm probably not the best judge on them.
It wasn't a great relationship. It wasn't abusive or lacking in any respect, it just wasn't great or what I need/want from a relationship. I'm not rushing to look for one. Pretty much for the reasons OP states.
I have family and friends for companionship. I can have sex if I want, but I really don't want sex. As for having children, not gonna happen. Ever. I wouldn't be a good mother, babies repulse me and the thought of having someone completely dependant on me is terrifying. Love? I fall in and out of love with about 50 people every single day..

Relationships aren't for everyone, certainly not for me.

Having said that, it seems some people can't survive without being in one, I have a friend who hasn't been single since she was 14. She would already be seeing someone while in the process of breaking up with another. That is what I don't understand.