SPORTS BALL!!! v2.0

[Xprimentyl]

Witnessed one of the most incredible football plays in the history of the sport yesterday. Philadelphia Eagles' running back Saquon Barkley made three of the Jacksonville Jaguars' defenders look like children in the span of about 5 yards. They're making you watch it on YouTube, but please, do so; they will be talking about this play forever.

EDIT: Ok, so apparently, with videos restricted like this, it doesn't accept the timestamp, so go to the 35 second mark. Barkley slips the first defender like he's not even there; spins on the second defender like a choreographed dance, and while backwards out of the spin, leaps BACKWARDS, reverse hurdle, over the third defender making him whiff a textbook low tackle. It was incredible; straight out of the Matrix. Had the rest of the Jaguars not finally brought him down, and he managed to turn THAT into 6 points, we'd be talking about the greatest play of all time. Hands down. No love for the Eagles, but mad respect for Barkley on this one; he's set an impossibly high bar for the running back position. We won't be seeing Derrick Henry or anyone else doing anything like this again any time soon. For the life of me, I don't know what the Giants were thinking letting Barkley go like they did.

 

[McElroy]

Sauber was bad anyway.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Sauber was bad anyway.

Yeah, Sauber is bad, but they KNOW they are bad, aren't developing their car, and are content just holding a spot for Audi in 2026. That said, a seat in F1 is a seat in F1, and I'd have preferred Bottas be in one, even if it's a bad one, until a better opportunity comes up. He has a respectable resume, one that pretty much proves out the "is it the car or is it the driver" debate; 10 wins in a competitive car is nothing to sneeze at, and 2 more than Daniel Ricciardo who got chances at damn near every team on the grid. The buzz is Bottas might get a reserve seat back at Mercedes, which is at least SOMETHING; then I'll just have to pray George Russell or Kimi Antonelli suffer sever head trauma.

In other news, fuck's sake, the 49ers gave me a heart attack yesterday. Our kicker Jake Moddy needs to be run out of town. Who misses three field goals and keeps their fucking job?? When it came own to him to win the game in the closing seconds, I about had a fucking baby. He made it, but STILL fucking barely; you could see it drifting right after all but grinding the right upright. Deebo Samuel was channeling the energy of all NIners fans when he tried to choke out Moody's long snapper, lol.

 

[Phoenixmgs]

In other news, fuck's sake, the 49ers gave me a heart attack yesterday. Our kicker Jake Moddy needs to be run out of town. Who misses three field goals and keeps their fucking job?? When it came own to him to win the game in the closing seconds, I about had a fucking baby. He made it, but STILL fucking barely; you could see it drifting right after all but grinding the right upright. Deebo Samuel was channeling the energy of all NIners fans when he tried to choke out Moody's long snapper, lol.

It was a real bad week for field goal kicking.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Finally, Jake Paul fights Mike Tyson tomorrow. Ask me if I'm excited.

 

[McElroy]

Tyson is like... Fucking old... He could get seriously hurt.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Tyson is like... Fucking old... He could get seriously hurt.

He's still Tyson. He's still got those infamous hands, stays in shape, and is still towing that line between humanity and insanity, the latter of which he's no stranger to dipping his toe into the waters of when he flips the fight switch to the on position. Not predicting anything, but the '80s kid in me who grew up fearing Tyson, and the 44-year-old me who finds YouTube famous people and "influencers" largely annoying, would love to see Paul get his chin punched up through the top of his skull.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Tyson is like... Fucking old... He could get seriously hurt.

What a pity.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

We live in the worst timeline, Jake Paul was not killed in the ring by the geriatric convicted rapist.

 

[hanselthecaretaker2]

Reaction as Jake Paul beats Mike Tyson on points in underwhelming Netflix fight

Follow live reaction to Jake Paul’s points victory in a controversial fight with former world heavyweight champion Mike Tyson

www.nytimes.com

Oh man, so glad I didn’t bother watching. Sounds like the Mike from those training sessions didn’t even bother showing up. Was Vince McMahon involved in this lol.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Not only did Ohio State lose to Michigan AGAIN, we lost to a BAD Michigan. We were ranked #2, and Michigan wasn't even in the top 25. This was head coach Ryan Day's last chance. This game is THE game of the season every year. Fuck Bowl games, fuck a National Championship; every game is preparation to beat Michigan. Now that Day's lost to Michigan four times in a row, there is basically zero chance he keeps his job. You can't have an entire class pass through under your watch without having beat Michigan. There were seniors who chose to stay at Ohio State (didn't enter the draft) JUST because they hadn't beaten Michigan yet, and they still haven't.

NFL? Oh, my 49ers just lost again, losing Christian McCaffrey to a potentially season-ending knee injury.

Formula 1? Sauber saw it's first points finish of the season yesterday with a strategy that favored Zhou Guanyu at the expense of Valtteri Bottas who finished P11, just outside the points.

Basically my weekend of sports sucked hard, and since my family has been in town for the holiday all week, I couldn't cuss at the television like I usually do for catharsis.

 

[BrawlMan]

BAD Michigan. We were ranked #2, and Michigan wasn't even in the top 25. This was head coach Ryan Day's last chance. This game is THE game of the season every year. Fuck Bowl games, fuck a National Championship; every game is preparation to beat Michigan. Now that Day's lost to Michigan four times in a row, there is basically zero chance he keeps his job. You can't have an entire class pass through under your watch without having beat Michigan. There were seniors who chose to stay at Ohio State (didn't enter the draft) JUST because they hadn't beaten Michigan yet, and they still haven't.

I have nothing against Ohio state, but I am glad our Wolverines won.

 

[Xprimentyl]

I have nothing against Ohio state, but I am glad our Wolverines won.

Well, I have everything against Michigan, and I am livid that they won.

 

[BrawlMan]

Well, I have everything against Michigan, and I am livid that they won.

I have not forgotten. I take it you would have preferred Michigan State to win.

 

[McElroy]

Wtf? Sauber isn't the slowest car on track?! POINTS?! too bad they went to Zhou but at least there's one more chance

 

[Xprimentyl]

Welp, looks like another decent F1 driver might be under fire; Sergio Perez might be out at Red Bull. I heard the rumblings earlier this season, but thought he was no where near the danger of some others, but Red Bull demands perfection, and "good" doesn't cut it. Rumor has it that Bottas, a notoriously obedient and effect #2 driver in a competitive car, might be perfect for Max Verstappen and Red Bull, but Bottas himself has all but debunked it saying ominously that "someone" at Red Bull doesn't like him and he doesn't know why. Not going to lie, as much as I've not been a Red Bull fan all these years, if they were to give Bottas a drive for 2025, I'd go straight online to swag up in Red Bull gear. Hell, I followed him from Mercedes to Alfa Romeo to the dumpster fire that is Sauber, so I've no reason NOT to follow him to someplace better.

Sergio Perez's Abu Dhabi decision: Bow out or be pushed out

www.motorsport.com

 

[Xprimentyl]

Welp, it's done. Formula 1's Sergio Perez has been ousted from his seat at Red Bull to be replaced by Liam Lawson from their junior team RB Honda. Of all the injustice. Yuki has outlasted every partner he's had sitting beneath the table at Red Bull, waiting for his chance at one of the two thrones AT the table, and they hand it over to some schmuck who's been there for like a week and a half <-hyperbole. Here's hoping Red Bull's long-assumed dominance being challenged this season when they lost the constructors' championship is a harbinger of a much deserved downfall.

In brighter news, BOTTAS CONFIRMED AS A RESERVE DRIVER BACK AT MERCEDES!!!!! Christmas came goddamned early for me today waking up to that news on social media. Yes, it's a reserve position, but at least he's still in the sport, and if 18-year-old Kimi Antonelli fucks around and can't handle the big leagues, Mercedes know they have tried and true talent waiting in the wings now. We saw it just this year, drivers losing their seat in the middle of the season; fingers fucking crossed. I said I'd root for Oscar Piastri, the young gun at McLaren, if Bottas wasn't on the grid in 2025, and I still will, but I'm slightly more rooting for Antonelli to fuck up majorly as quickly as possible.

Santa (or Satan, whoever's listening,) please get my boy in that second seat; it's all I want for Christmas. I've been a good boy all year (but am willing to make a human sacrifice in the name of all that is unholy,) so please grant me this ONE wish! I won't ask for anything else (and will forever be your loyal servant spreading misery and discontent in the wake of your glory.)