Stupid conspiracys

[RandV80]

All of them. Sorry but conspiracy theories just piss me off.

I'd have to second this. I've never heard a single one that makes any kind of logical sense. Like the "government or CIA killed Kennedy," or "government covered up alien contact," or the moon landing deniers... none are even rational. Our (the US) government can't even balance a budget and the tinfoil-hatters want me to believe they can manage to maintain such massive conspiracies? I don't give the government that much credit.

I'm not American so it doesn't have much meaning to me, but personally I've always considered the Kennedy assassination feasible.

The point of a conspiracy is that you don't know about it, so it isn't correct to say they don't exist at all. Something like Enron for example was a conspiracy at one point, just one that failed badly. The key is that rather than jumping to whacky conclusions you have to apply some basic logistic and strategic thinking, as well as a little bit of occums razor. For example large nations like the US aren't past using false flag operations. During the Cold War the CIA came up with plans for Cuba to shoot down a fake airliner carrying made up college students. Compared to this flying two airliners into the WTC is really pushing excessive, but it would get the job done.

And that's kind of the point, that act alone would create the desired effect. Taking it one step further and running a controlled demolition on the two buildings to make damn sure they fell down, then for some reason running a controlled demolition on the third smaller tower, and I guess at some point their budget ran a little low so they said **** it and rather than getting another plain just shot a damn missile at the Pentagon... well yeah, not much to say there. These form the primary basis of 'Truther' conspiracies yet I've never seen an explanation as to why logistically any of this after the initial crash was necessary to create the desired effect.

The bigger the conspiracy is and the more people it requires, the less likely it's true. Go in reverse and the feasibility increases. That's why I give the Kennedy assassination a pass. I have no idea if the CIA killed Kennedy or not, but the point is if they wanted to dispose a president (being in the middle of the Cold War and all) this would be a text book example of how to do it. Keep it small scale and simple.

 

[james0192]

Conspiracy theories are brilliant! they are generally a comic gift that just keeps on giving especially when you get into arguments with people who believe the most batshit insane ones.

My favourite at the moment has to be that the music business is mostly run by the Illuminati who are using song lyrics, music videos and imagery to secretly brainwash us to follow their agenda!

Artists such as Lady Gaga, Madonna, Katy Perry, Paramore, Kanye West, Jay-Z and many others are actually trying to brainwash us all apparently!

 

[Shakomaru]

Dunno, Flat earth society and timecube are batshit stupid, but then there's stuff like the dihydrogen monoxide research division which are hilarious

Spoiler

yes I know it isn't serious, it's still funny and I'm sure SOME people are fooled.

 

[Gatx]

-D&D is an occult recruitment tool. Died down a bit since the 80's, but still pops up occasionally.
-Barrack Obama is the antichrist. I ain't even Christian, but shooting this one down is almost like a sport to me now.

I think almost every recent US President has been claimed to be the antichrist at some point.

 

[Dr.A]

Couple of people have said this one, but it's one of the best.

The Moon Landing Hoax.

Ohhh God the hours of enjoyment there is to be had watching videos and reading articles written by these people. I've seen quite a few but don't have the links, but just search it on YouTube and take your pick.

In one video the guy claimed (like, a 20-something-year-old guy) that we couldn't possibly have flown to the Moon because the Moon changes shape and there'd be no way of knowing what shape it'd be once we got there. Same guy also claimed the Moon didn't actually exist, really, and that it was just a projection in the sky. We HAD a Moon once, because they needed it to tell time back when they didn't have a universal written calendar, but now that we do have one, we don't need the Moon anymore (and it just disappeared, I suppose?) so we just use the projection because it looks pretty..?

Different video claimed that there'd be no gravity on the Moon because there was no air, so we wouldn't be able to walk on it like they did in the landing footage.

 

[dvd_72]

The whole "AIDS doesn't exist! It's a plot by big pharma to sell more drugs to us!" that was going on in Africa. I don't know how prevalent it is today because it was unhealthy for my sanity. Christ how stupid can people be?

Excuse me, I need to go strangle a pillow.

 

[Underdark_jester]

My favorite was developed over a long night of drinking, it doesn't work anymore since Bush left office, but it always put a smile on my face. (U.S.A. related obviously.)

Vice President Dick Cheney was going to pay someone to assassinate President Bush. Upon taking office as the President, Cheney was going to declare the assassination very solid proof that domestic terrorism was at unheard of levels and we just weren't able to stop it. (We all remember anything that went wrong was a 'domestic terrorism attack' back then.) Using the same feverish ambition that put the Patriot Act into effect, he was going to declare martial law, grab at power, and end up removing congress completely. Under martial law no election would take place, and BINGO, Emperor Cheney. (For the Sci-Fi nerds, I pictured it happening just like it did in Babylon 5.)

With the right PR, I bet it could have happened back then. Sadly, looking at our political parties now, I almost wish it would've happened. At least then someone could've staged a revolt that might have had a chance to fix our political system. (Please note, I don't know HOW to fix the political system, but I'm fairly sure we could build a better government now to better fit the needs of our people.)

 

[Tono Makt]

come one come all

we must share the most inane stupid conspiracy theories we have ever heard mine is the

shape shifing lizard people who run the world conspiracy:

Lizard-People Run the World
If a science fiction-based religion isn't exotic enough, followers of onetime BBC reporter David Icke believe that certain powerful people ? like George W. Bush and the British royals ? actually belong to an alien race of shape-shifting lizard-people. Icke claims Princess Diana confirmed this to one of her close friends.

OP, this takes the cake: http://illuminatimatrix.wordpress.com/bad-dream/

This site's absolutely hilarious.

My personal favorite? "All events recorded in regards to the land of CANAAN, and the supposed miracles of Jesus at CANA, and the modern day location of CANADIAN troops in KANDAHAR, Afghanistan, are all working together in subliminal fashion to bring about an intended cataclysmic scenario."

So there you have it. CANADA is going to be the cause of a global, cataclysimic scenario. LOLz!!!

I've actually been thinking about doing my own topic about this sight, but for now, I'll just leave it here.

Here's another awesomely hilarious site; I'm linking to an article on the site that is greatly relevant to this particular thread for the awesome comedic value it brings.

http://www.naturalnews.com/032293_gullible_minds.html

I really do hope it's real, and not satire. Either way it's great for a laugh.

 

[kortin]

Dunno, Flat earth society and timecube are batshit stupid, but then there's stuff like the dihydrogen monoxide research division which are hilarious

Spoiler

yes I know it isn't serious, it's still funny and I'm sure SOME people are fooled.

True story: San Francisco once almost banned the production of styrofoam within it's city limits because a feax-lobbying group claimed it released the deadly gas dihydrogen monoxide.

It was to showcase how ridiculous our government is with regulations. Make it sound scientificy enough and come from a legit-sounding organization, and people will believe any threat you make.

Kind of like global warming. lolz.

I only heard of the "dihydrogen monoxide" stuff recently (like within the last month) and I was astonished by how many people DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS. It takes not even a basic understanding of chemistry and the English language/numerical words to get.

Di = two
Mono = one

Dihydrogen = Two hydrogen
Monoxide = one oxygen

What has two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom? H2O? Quite right, indeed!

Really, it's not that hard.

 

[Darren716]

The JFK assassination, it's been almost 50 years since he died and people are still convinced it was an inside job and that it wasn't just a crazed gunman.

 

[Xiroh86]

You are definitely going to have to elaborate on that.

Ok, I thought it was common knowledge, but here is a summary:

- Some doctor publishes a paper in a respected medical journal, suggesting that there is a link between a vaccine routinely used on children and autismhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MMR_vaccine_controversy
- The paper is later retracted, the doctor is stripped of his medical license, because the study was complete bullshit and wouldn't even pass for first year undergraduate work
- Lots of studies show that the risk of developing autism after taking the MMR jab does not increase; babies who developed it would have got it anyway, without the jab.
- Parents don't care because of very emotional anecdotal evidence, and refuse to vaccinate their children, and also start to do so with other vaccines
- Incidence of preventable diseases such as mumps begins to rise, which can have serious complications

As a parent of a 3 year old there is one vaccine however that, had he not required it before he was 5, I would have absolutely refused. The fucking chicken pox vaccine! Not that I think that it has anything to do with a conspiracy, but it only lasts 10 years and when you hit your teens, and catch chicken pox, it becomes a deadly virus! It just flat out isn't safe in the long run.

OT: My favorite batshit crazy conspiracy theory is the "Paul McCartney is dead" thing. Now I think he's an absolute tool, and the in all my least favorite Beatle, the amount of cover-up work that had to go into it is more than a little ridiculous .

 

[Total LOLige]

The lizard rulers, the Illuminati, the moon landing was a hoax and all the others. The one theory I think could have a (very very small) chance of being true is the government covering up contact with aliens. I don't believe anything without evidence first.

 

[sunsetspawn]

Now, gentlemen come on.

You're gonna sit here, and tell me there's not a conspiracy... goin' on here.

Where?
And what?

I'm Jesse Ventura!

You got that?

GOOD.

A FIGHTER!

A GOVERNOR!

A NAVY SEAL!

Gulf of Tonkin, boy, that sure is a silly conspiracy theory.

 

[the abyss gazes also]

Pretty much most of them. There have been "conspiracies" but not in the sense most people who believe in conspiracies think. There was a conspiracy to assassinate Archduke Ferdinand. If you read the historical accounts the first attempts went laughably bad.

The idea that there is someone driving the bus, even it if is off a cliff is more comforting to most people then the thought that the world is a random cruel place. Giving random shooters government backing means there is a logic to it, and not just mental illness.

 

[DugMachine]

All of them but if I had to list them from worst to meh

-9/11 being an inside job

-Moonlanding was fake

-Earth is flat (Some people still think this is true..)

-Illuminati

-Government taps all our phones/webcams/computers

-James Holmes is not the actual shooter (even though they found him in the parking lot with all the gear)

and the rest are just too stupid to even list.

The lizard rulers, the Illuminati, the moon landing was a hoax and all the others. The one theory I think could have a (very very small) chance of being true is the government covering up contact with aliens. I don't believe anything without evidence first.

Ah yeah this one. While a conspiracy, I feel there is a smidge of truth to it. In one hand I think if aliens ever did land or try to contact us our government would try to hide it. On the other it's like why the hell would aliens want to study us, we're dumb as hell, and why would the government want to cover it up?

 

[zehydra]

All of them. Sorry but conspiracy theories just piss me off.

I'd have to second this. I've never heard a single one that makes any kind of logical sense. Like the "government or CIA killed Kennedy," or "government covered up alien contact," or the moon landing deniers... none are even rational. Our (the US) government can't even balance a budget and the tinfoil-hatters want me to believe they can manage to maintain such massive conspiracies? I don't give the government that much credit.

Well it may not have been the US government as an act of policy, but it's very possible that individual members of government conspired with the mob to assassinate Kennedy. The CIA and the Mob were very friendly with each other, and Kennedy made enemies with both the CIA and the mob.

There is a mob boss in fact who claims responsibility for Kennedy's death, although he could just be bullshitting to get famous.

 

[cojo965]

Yea ditto on the whole 2012 conspiracy. The world won't end on December 21 2012 but my life will as my faith in humanity will plummit to rock bottom the second I see a "lol so scared about the word ending" status on Facebook I will be obliged to blow my Brains out

What does your avatar say?

 

[WanderingFool]

Also the that US wants Assange sent to Sweden so that can extradite him when its easier to extradite him from the UK than Sweden.

Not necessarily. Sweden has a history of extraditing people to the US illegally (example: Ahmed Agiza and Muhammadal-Zery. Several 'hackers' have been fighting against extradition to the US in Britain for years. America has had rather... dodgy practices related to extraditing 'criminals' before - (see: extraordinary rendition.) Coupled with the charges against the guy having been dropped until they were suddenly reopened again...

It's kinda dodgy, and wouldn't be the first time shit like that had happened.

OT: That the Twin Towers was caused by the US government or the CIA in order to allow an invasion, especially the idea it was an 'inside job' like the truthers claim. No-one with proper knowledge of architecture, explosives, or basic logic has agreed with them. The truthers respond by claiming those people were all bribed by the government. its just... silly. Really bloody silly.

(Also, how do you put in links that are a different sentence than the address? Like, the word would be, I don't know, cocaine and it would have a link to the wikipedia page of cocaine.)

You know, I joked with someone about that particular conspiracy.

The events of 9/11 happened just like they did. But all the conspiracies about 9/11 being an inside job and such were actually put forth by the Bush administration, so as to make it seem that they are more devious than they really are[footnote]Also, I thought of this before South Park... SHUT UP, I did!!1![/footnote]...

 

[dfphetteplace]

The whole 9/11 was an inside job thing. People that don't understand much trying to find connections where there are none. "Jet fuel doesn't burn hot enough to melt steel!" No, it doesn't, but it sure as hell is hot enough to destroy it's tensile strength. I'm a firefighter, and I have seen just a normal structure fire make steel bend (in barns, factories, ect). I do like to screw with them and say "What about the stuff they use for chemtrails? Who knows at what temperature that stuff burns!"

Also anything with the masons. They have a meeting hall right across from my ambulance base, and I know most of the people that go in there. These are not powerful and intelligent people. They mostly go because it is a private bar.

Another one that just plane pisses me off: vaccinations. I have seen kids be on death's door because their parents believe it will cause autism. I ask them if they had their vaccinations, and the parents start trying to preach to me about the dangers of them, as if being a paramedic, I know nothing of medicine or human pathology and pathophysiology. I once used a line from House, MD, when he started talking about child size coffins because the child was sick with whooping cough (very serious in infants).

Or the new one, Obama is behind shootings throughout the US. Or that he is a secret muslium, or gay, or not American by birth, or any of the other stupid things they have tried to throw at him (if you don't like his policies, fine, I certainly don't agree with everything he does, but if you must use hyperbole than you have no argument).

 

[dfphetteplace]

-James Holmes is not the actual shooter (even though they found him in the parking lot with all the gear)

This one just drives me nuts.... People are such gullible idiots.