Stupidist things youve heard people say

[bigfatcarp93]

In Middle School, I used to ride the bus with this DUMB AS FUCKING BRICKS kid named Gabe, who said the most profoundly stupid things I've ever heard. I can't remember most of it these days, but among it was:

"If I lost my arm, that would be awesome, because then I could get a prosthetic arm that's super-strong!"

Also, his ever-insightful belief that, and I shit you not, he actually believed this, Evolution in real life worked the same way it did in Pokemon.

Okay, you know what? Having just stirred up that memory, I'm thinking about it more, and as I do, I begin to realize more and more that those bus rides ran almost EXACTLY like episodes of the Ricky Gervais Show. Seriously: It was me and a friend named Will, and we would spend the entire bus ride EVERY DAY talking to Gabe and picking apart the idiotic things he said.

Gabe was Pilkington, I was Gervais, and Will was Merchant: he would goad Gabe into saying something dumb, which I would pick apart and Will and I would have a good laugh at.

Damn, good times...

 

[Kenbo Slice]

I was trying to hit on this cute girl who was wearing a Green Lantern shirt and the conversation went just like this:

Me: "I like your shirt, are you really into Green Lantern?"

Her: "Yeah!"

Me: "Who's your favorite Green Lantern?"

Her: "Ryan Reynolds."

"Who's your favorite Green Lantern?" is the probably the worst pick-up line I've ever heard dude.

I was trying to start a conversation >.>

 

[solemnwar]

"Why don't Africans just drink the sea?" A girl in my college English class.

.... I think I just got dumber after reading that. Thanks a lot


OT: one of my coworkers thought kenya was somewhere in asia.
The topic of Kenya came up when I complained about one of those stupid-as-fuck rag mags was like "ERMERGHERD THERE'S PROOF OBAMA IS FROM KENYA!!11!1!!" I mentioned that if he really had been born in another country, they would have found out a LONG time ago.

Coworker: Yeah, and like, Kenya isn't really known for Black people, right?
Me: *speechless*
Coworker: *says some more things that I've forgotten in the six months since*
Me: You know that Kenya is in AFRICA, right?
Coworker: Really?! I thought it was in Asia!


No. Words.

 

[Tharwen]

This is the worst thread on the escapist. Everyone in it should feel bad.

Actually, that was hyperbole. Only some of you should feel bad. It's still got some really shitty opinions in it though.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

-This is my most recent-

My husband and I had gone to a get-together organized by one of his friends. My husband was wherever he was at that time and I was in the backyard with an acquaintance talking about what we were currently reading or re-reading. A lesser known acquaintance came up to us and said, "Did you know Alice in Wonderland was written in a french jail by some guy."

Me: "Hm,..no, that's not accurate. Lewis Carroll never went to jail, let alone a french jail."
Him: "Who is Lewis Carroll?"
Me: "....He wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass".
Him: "Ah, okay. But it was written in jail. I heard it somewhere."
Me: "Well, I'm sorry but that's not right."

He looked at the person I was standing with and shrugged as if to say, "Well, if she doesn't know she's wrong,.." and then just sort of drifted away from us and back into the house. Funny thing is, we weren't even talking about Lewis Carroll or any of his works when he decided to share his information with us.

 

[Arcadian Legend]

"Why don't Africans just drink the sea?" A girl in my college English class.

Okay, that definitely has to set some kind of record for the most stupid thing ever said.

 

[Tharwen]

The topic of Kenya came up when I complained about one of those stupid-as-fuck rag mags was like "ERMERGHERD THERE'S PROOF OBAMA IS FROM KENYA!!11!1!!"

Would it matter? Is there an actual rule that says the US President has to have been born there or is it just that they'd never get voted in if they hadn't?

 

[Easton Dark]

The topic of Kenya came up when I complained about one of those stupid-as-fuck rag mags was like "ERMERGHERD THERE'S PROOF OBAMA IS FROM KENYA!!11!1!!"

Would it matter? Is there an actual rule that says the US President has to have been born there or is it just that they'd never get voted in if they hadn't?

The President has to be a natural born U.S. citizen. It's in the rule book.

Also over 40 years old I believe.

 

[solemnwar]

The topic of Kenya came up when I complained about one of those stupid-as-fuck rag mags was like "ERMERGHERD THERE'S PROOF OBAMA IS FROM KENYA!!11!1!!"

Would it matter? Is there an actual rule that says the US President has to have been born there or is it just that they'd never get voted in if they hadn't?

Yep, President must have been born in Amurrica.
"Natural-born-citizen clause".

Edit: Fuck, Ninja'd 8|

 

[champy_fan]

My lady's godfather is a gun owner, which is fine, but he also carries two magazines with him at all times as well. When asked why he needs so much ammo to defend himself, he told me that if someone shot up the place he was at he would shoot back at them. I believe the quote was, "If someone at that Connecticut school had this on them, that wouldn't have happened." Like he lives in a damned action movie or something.

 

[Black Reaper]

In my school,a passtime among bored students in computer class is checking a tarot site which answers shit with accuracy you wouldn't believe(that is,with 1 word),still,the site is a waste of time since it only answers obvious stuff you already know,and i treated it as such,and so i asked:
"Which Inferno Divider is better?,C or D"
To which someone replied"dude,you need help",i gave him the silent treatment after that,since he was one of the stupidest persons i have ever seen(this was his 4th time on this year),and was also a bully,and i am a constant target of bullying(which i like to call trolling),you do the math

He said stupid shit all over the place,so much i (thankfully)barely remember any of it,but of what i remember,that takes the cake,since he was insulting not only me,but also anyone who has ever played as Ragna

Another related story:
When people ask me where i live and such,i often(read:always)answer with blatant lies,like that i live on another planet rich in kriptonyte(is it written like that?),which i sell for a living,and that i go there daily via Inferno Divider,the same asshole from above actually believed me when i told him,but not in the sense that he actually believed the story,but in the sense that he thought i believed it,i was made fun of the whole semester

Granted,it was a bad joke,but he didn't understand the "joke" part

I often find myself thinking that i am surrounded by idiots,but sadly i cannot think of any more examples

 

[Spakka]

"What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?"


Beware that the metric tonne is a measurement of mass, rather than weight. In this case the feathers may have the same mass but because they displace more of the Earths' atmosphere they will weigh less. A blimp can have a mass of one tonne and have a negative weight.

Umm what?

1) There is no such thing as a negative weight.
2) Lift doesn't 'destroy' weight, the helium inside is just less dense than the surrounding air, and so the average density of the blimp is lower than the air around it, allowing lift. Cork floats on water does that mean it has no mass?

3) No the feathers will have the same weight, if of course you make the mistake of assuming that one would be measuring the volume of space the feathers take up, and so include all the air then you would be measuring it wrong. The feathers themselves would have the same weight as the bricks...



As for the general thread: The post I quoted above.

 

[Unia]

Anyone who uses the term "african american" to describe themselves eventhough they were born in America. Your just American regardless if your black. If your African born and come to America, then your an African American. Overall the term is stupid, in the UK we dont say a person is African British.

actually I thourght it was a completly valid way of identifying somones racial lineage, like white people being called "anglo saxon"

"black people" doesnt sound as good

The one that gets me is people calling themselves/other people African American when they're Dominican or Jamaican or otherwise dark skinned but wholly unconnected with Africa.

At the risk of a dumb question, why *are* white people referred to as Caucasian? All people of that ethnicity can be traced back to Caucasus mountains?

Some gems I remember hearing in highschool:

"Can masturbation cause STDs?"
"How come people in Africa are black? If I gave birth in Africa the baby would still be white."
Uhhh...where to start. I really couldn't fathom how anyone could stay so ignorant. Scary part is this girl was old enough to breed.

 

[Gritimo The Odd]

I used to work as a customer service rep for a cell company, and i would get asked this question at least twice a week. "Why isn't Canada part of our Nationwide calling plan?" Usually pointing out that they were serperate nations usually cleard that up quick but occasionally id still get asked why Canada was considered a foriegn country even though they are our neihbors, to which i asked if they wanted the long or short verion of the explanation. long version covered the various differences in laws and fees each country had and how our company billed according to the those laws, while the short version was. "Because we didn't win that part of the Revolution"

 

[Supertegwyn]

My (immature) mate was banging on about a porn film called "Nailin' Palin",

What's so immature about quoting Jon Stewart? He didn't like the vice-presidential debate so he thought it would be more interesting if they competed in porn movie names. He called them Nailin' Palin and ridin' Biden.

Out of my depth here, no idea who Jon Stewart is... nor the tone of your post... I am going for jocular... my favourite porn movie name is "shavin' Ryan's privates". lol?

He's a comedy central news guy. Same with Stephen Colbert. They essentially look at real news stories and make fun of them. They also make a lot of japes at republicans.

Oh we have that, it's called have I Got News for You all though that is pretty non-partisan. We also have Radio 4, which is great but the comedy has a wild left wing bias. All good stuff though. Interesting, nice one for the reply.

Have I Got News for You is quite different from what Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart do. They are mildly similar, but I wouldn't consider them the same genre of comedy.

 

[Thaluikhain]

"What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?"

Beware that the metric tonne is a measurement of mass, rather than weight. In this case the feathers may have the same mass but because they displace more of the Earths' atmosphere they will weigh less. A blimp can have a mass of one tonne and have a negative weight.

Umm what?

1) There is no such thing as a negative weight.
2) Lift doesn't 'destroy' weight, the helium inside is just less dense than the surrounding air, and so the average density of the blimp is lower than the air around it, allowing lift. Cork floats on water does that mean it has no mass?

3) No the feathers will have the same weight, if of course you make the mistake of assuming that one would be measuring the volume of space the feathers take up, and so include all the air then you would be measuring it wrong. The feathers themselves would have the same weight as the bricks...



As for the general thread: The post I quoted above.

Yeah, I think "weight" has been confused with "buoyancy" there.

This will probably cause a shitstorm but the stupidest thing I've seen a lot of people take seriously (that's not a conspiracy theory), is the whole rape culture thing.

A lot of the explanations of it I've seen come with the idea that rape isn't taken very seriously in society. You have to wonder what planet they're living on when they make statements like that. Seriously rape is considered too dark to be in most movies or games meanwhile senseless murder is OK.

Right, so women having between 1 in 3 and 1 in 6 chance (depending on where they live) of being raped at least once during her lifetime, in which case the rapist/s face single digits percentile chance of being convicted is because of how seriously society takes rapes? The odd hundred thousand used rape kits being stored for years in the US instead of actually tested is because how much people care? The constant victim blaming and support for the rapists shows how seriously society takes these issues?

You sure picked the right thread to make that sort of claim.

 

[Euskalduna]

Anything that has ever come out of the mouth of a Men's Rights Activist.

Such a thing exists in the first place? Oh for...