Talking to your dog....

[Dapper Ninja]

"Hey"
"Hey"
"What's up?"
"Nothing. You?"
"Nothing"
...
"Bye"
"Bye"
(I'm not good at starting conversations.)

 

[roo18]

"Hey"
"Hey"
"What's up?"
"Nothing. You?"
"Nothing"
...
"Bye"
"Bye"
(I'm not good at starting conversations.)

Sounds like every MSN conversations I've ever had.

 

[The Iron Ninja]

Dogs are still really dumb though.

(posted a picture here showing different sizes of brains)

First of all the size of the brain isn't directly related to intelligence, larger animals will typically have larger brains, pretty simple.

As proof of the whole "dogs are smart" thing I bring you the story of Rico. A dog that knows the name of over 200 objects when asked to fetch them. And the ability to find an object he didn't know the name of by reasoning that it wouldn't be any of the objects he already knew.
As this scientist (note: a scientist is more qualified to make claims than someone who just likes cats) said

"This tells us he can do simple logic...It's like he's saying to himself, 'I know the others have names, so this new word cannot refer to my familiar toys. It must refer to this new thing.' Or it goes the other way around, and he's thinking, 'I've never seen this one before, so this must be it.' He's actually thinking."

Also they can climb ladders

[http://imageshack.us]

Yeah...
To stay on topic I would say that It doesn't matter what I say to the dog, the fact I'm talking with it would be awesome enough.

 

[slowpoke219]

"Hey Dog, what you up to?"

"Oh hey Human. Nothing much just sitting here licking myself"

"Man, I wish I could do that"

"Well it might make things a little weird between us, but go ahead I won't mind"

 

[dukeh016]

"Hey, so when you guys take over the world in the barkvolution of 2023, we're cool right?"
"Woof"
"No, seriously. I mean, my mom made me get you neutered. It was nothing personal, ok?"
"Woof"
"I can't talk to you when you are like this! I just want us to be together when the day of cleansing comes!"
"Woof"

And the second I turn my back, bam! He shoots me with his saliva-powered rifle.

 

[khululy]

my cat goku would say: "Feed me"
that's all he does is fighting (before he lost his dragon balls) eating and sleeping.

I would ask him how the shitbowl's water tastes like.

Then I would tell him to shut up and start yapping again cause I hate other human beings.

well I guess like funky tasting water, knowing that with each flush you poor down about 7 liters of water so it's not THAT dirty(but I still wouldn't give it a try) unless you don't flush or clean it on regular basis

 

[Bored Tomatoe]

Heres how the conversation would go:

Me: Hi there

Dog: food!

Me: um, okay... so what do you want to do?

Dog: Food!

Me: wow....how enthralling...

Dog: Food! Play!

Me:...... I'll be inside...

Dog: *chases tail* Food! Play! Food!

 

[The Iron Ninja]

The encephalization quotient is directly related to intelligence though. Larger animals might have larger brains but they also typically have smaller EQs. Humans are far smaller than those large animals and have smaller brains, but their EQ is ridiculously high in comparison.

I don't see how that disproves what I said, that dogs are not dumb just because they have a smaller brain. If you knew about encephalization quotients why did you post the picture of the brain sizes?

As someone who studies neuroscience (along with quite a bit of anthropology and evolutionary psychology), this little tidbit of pop science isn't indicative of intelligence at all. It's simply an extension of simple audiovisual conditioning.

Even so, that dog learnt to accociate words at a rate much faster than any toddler, even that would somewhat diminish your very scientific claim of

Dogs are so dumb.

Also I should mention that this whole thread is on the idea of a hypothetical situation, IF your dog could talk. not if it would be possible.


I'd ask him if he holds any grudges for that time my friend got drunk and tried to put him into a choke hold.

 

[CasualZombie]

ME: Wow, so now we can talk I can get to know the real you! cool eh?
Cat: HAIL SATAN!!!
Me:eh...wha?
cat: HAIL SATAN!
Me: I don't quite follow. Hey where'd you get that gun?
cat: just get in the boot, I'm gonna have to learn how to drive "on the way"

 

[The Iron Ninja]

You're comparing human infants to fully developed dogs?

I said todlers, that's older than infants, are you saying young humans aren't intelligent? I certainly don't think that dogs have the ability to solve calculus problems or find a cure for aids, but their intelligence is not to be scoffed at.
On another note, you haven't really contributed to the thread, coming in here and saying "dogs are so dumb" is all well and good if you have something else to add, maybe what you would say to an animal if they could talk. Right now you just remind me of (and to be fair you're nowhere near as insulting or idiotic) Danzorz in the mainstream music thread a few days ago.

I would talk to a pig, they're meant to be pretty smart (I'd try to avoid asking why he tastes so good though)

 

[Lazzi]

I would ask my dog why he always shoves his face on my crotch. That and what is it like to have a tail.

 

[The Iron Ninja]

what is it like to have a tail.

Oh hell yes! I really want to know what that is like (I'll bet it's awesome)