Talking to your Pets

[Dirty Apple]

Like most pet owners, I tend to talk to my pets. I mostly ask them questions like, "Why did you knock the glass off the table?" and "Oh, did you think that pork chop was for you?" I'm not deluded enough, however, to think that they understand anything of what I'm saying. So, that's where my hypothetical question comes from. If you could have a coherent conversation with your pets, for let's say 10 minutes, what would you talk about?

I'd ask them what they dream about, and what's it's like to perceive the world with their heightened senses. But, most of all, I'd ask why they insist on being little shits from time to time. I love them to tiny bits, but, sometimes I just wanna give 'em a full on head butt.

 

[Lust]

I'd ask every dog I see, "What's the meaning of life?"

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I'd ask why my cats are so fascinated by cereal.

 

[The Amazing Tea Alligator]

My cat likes Pink Floyd. That's all I really had to say, inspired by SL33TBL1ND's post.

 

[SturmDolch]

My cat can understand me. She just ignores me She seems wiser than me anyhow, even though I'm older. I bet cats are born with great knowledge...

 

[Dexiro]

I'd ask my cat what meow means, because he says it all the damn time and I'm just completely clueless.

 

[Dr. Danger]

I'd ask every dog I see, "What's the meaning of life?"

Your replies would consist of "tennis balls" and "food" 90% of the time.

OT: That's a hard question to answer because you'd have to endow my pets with extra intelligence to make it coherent. And in that case, they wouldn't be my pets that I know and love. I don't want to have a conversation with them.

 

[MellowFellow]

I would ask my dog why he is afraid of flies, but attacks bees. Also I would ask why he barks at people walking up to my house and when they come in, he all of a sudden is really friendly.

 

[RebelRising]

Even if your cat could talk, it would still lie to your face.

Even if your dog could talk, it would still agree with everything you said.

Actually, just read Get Fuzzy, easily one of the best comic strips around these days.

 

[Lyri]

I always talk to my Lizard, but he never seems to interested in anything I have to say.
He just stares at me waiting for food.

 

[chromewarriorXIII]

I would ask my cat why he is insistent that he needs food (standing by the bag of food, meowing really loudly) when his bowl of food is full.

I'd ask one of my dogs how he managed to get on the dining room table but couldn't get down.

And I'd ask the other dog why she always licks everything.

 

[Faulty Turmoil]

I talk to my dog but usually stuff like "No, you can't have my food." Whislt he's sniffing the plate on which is my dinner. I have also made up a voice for him and say what he is feeling in that voice. Is that odd?

 

[unoleian]

I occasionally talk to my reptile. His only response appears to be an appeal for more food.

I don't know if I'm getting through to him on a meaningful level

ed-

I always talk to my Lizard, but he never seems to interested in anything I have to say.
He just stares at me waiting for food.

Heh, they certainly have one-track minds!

 

[Peteron]

I talk to my dog about how my day went. She is the perfect person to talk to because she doesn't run her stupid mouth about stuff I do not care about like people do. Most of the time I just give her brain damage by talking in a weird babyish voice.

 

[grimsprice]

I'd ask my cat what meow means, because he says it all the damn time and I'm just completely clueless.

Ha ha. Good one.

My cat regularly does two bodied force calculations before offering me the decapitated head of a mole. So i would be worried to hear what goes on in her head.

 

[Asturiel]

If I could talk to my current pets I would ask one of my cats:

Why are you so dumb?

And my dog:

Do you want it to be hugs time?

That would be the jist of it. I don't think I'd get into philosophical debates with them or anything.

 

[Plurralbles]

I'd ask my dog why she feels the need to roll in cat shit.

 

[Dark Knifer]

I'd like to ask my dog how he got so lazy and manages to sleep for 23 hours a day. He is so lazy...

 

[Junkle]

Erm, I talk to myself, so it doesn't really matter to me. But yes, I do, mostly asking why they would ever do that. Sometimes they make good conversation partners, though.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

Ten minutes detailing every horrible thing I would do to my dog next time she doesn't immediately come running back inside when I tell her to.