Telemarketer Stories

[JakalMc]

A lot of us deal with telemarketers on a regular basis. You know, the people who have this uncanny psychic ability to call at the most inopportune time (e.g. when you're about o sit down to an nice meal)

While I haven't got any stories that are world-beaters, I have seen a method of dealing with them from my Uncle. He just puts 'em on hold. He acts interested in what they are trying to sell and then comes up with some lame excuse to put the phone down. Sometimes he'll even put on a relaxing CD and prop the phone up next to the speakers.

I know, probably not very funny but, effective nonetheless. After about fifteen minutes they are usually gone.

How do you deal with them?
Share with us your funny/interesting stories.

 

[Adam Jenson]

Pretend I actually care, get really involved with the conversation then scream "Mark! Get back in the cage! Don't make me get the hose!" I find most of them hang up after that

 

[EeveeElectro]

Pretend I actually care, get really involved with the conversation then scream "Mark! Get back in the cage! Don't make me get the hose!" I find most of them hang up after that

Mrs Doubtfire, lol.


For me it's, "Sorry, I have to go. I've just given my husband some viagra and he loses his erection in five minutes."

 

[Adam Jenson]

Pretend I actually care, get really involved with the conversation then scream "Mark! Get back in the cage! Don't make me get the hose!" I find most of them hang up after that

Mrs Doubtfire, lol.


For me it's, "Sorry, I have to go. I've just given my husband some viagra and he loses his erection in five minutes."

Clever Girl. I also just blow an air horn somewhere near the phone.

 

[Sennz0r]

Pretend I actually care, get really involved with the conversation then scream "Mark! Get back in the cage! Don't make me get the hose!" I find most of them hang up after that

Mrs Doubtfire, lol.


For me it's, "Sorry, I have to go. I've just given my husband some viagra and he loses his erection in five minutes."

Genius!

I usually turf these people to my mom, say I'm not interested or I might tell them something along the lines of "Oh shit my dog just puked all over my new shoes! Come back here you damn dog!"*click*.

I once had an entire conversation with one of these guys but that was because it was my best friend who had telemarketer training and needed someone to practice on. He has gone to the dark side. I fear for him.

 

[littlemira]

While the funny antics method's work, Telemarketing was my first job, and let me tell you, EVERYBODY does it.

You have the crazy random yelling, rantings on telemarketing, and sound effects (of all sorts. And yes, the personal "intimate" sorts). Really, it's just saying "No, I'm not interested in your product, but have nothing better to do them waste your time."
And I didn't care, just ment I that I wouldn't have time to make another call before my shift ended.

The "hold music" is a nice touch though. who wouldn't want a nice soundtrack at work.

 

[Novajam]

I've got a friend who does just about everything imaginable to telemarketers. Sometimes he he goes along with them until he gets bored and hangs up. Sometimes he imitates them, or just starts making weird noises. Sometimes he puts them on hold, or puts the phone down and goes shopping.

He has a little brother who leaves toy guns that make noises all over the house. Once a telemarketer called, and he said something along the lines of "Well, this sounds like a very interesting service, please tell me more abo... OH GOD DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE!" and then turned one of them on right next to the phone.

We don't get many telemarketer calls at my place. Go fig.

Also, I get the odd feeling of deja vu from this thread...

 

[Puppeteer Putin]

Once I had them give me the whole spiel, then when they said "could I have your credit card details?" I replied "sorry, I'm 17" then hung up.

Another story was at a family friends house in Hong Kong. A Telemarketer called during dinner, of course our friend was not pleased, and said "I'm here now, go on, continue" and coerced the poor bugger into the full pitch. On top of that, the marketer asked if she could speak Cantonese, he can speak Cantonese but said "No, I think you can do with the English practice" and just kept going on and on, correcting her English, etc. It was hilarious.

 

[Sewblon]

I say " I don't have time for this right now but I would be happy to call back if you would give me your home phone number, address, measurements, zip code, medical history and a sample of your DNA."

 

[Avida]

I actually repeated this [http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hllDWSbuDsQ] a while after hearing it.

My favorite way ive heard of will probably be linked to later anyway. But really i usually just go along with it and laugh as i tell them to try to convince me to buy something i could not possibly buy if i wanted to, picking out flaws in their pitch is fun too - some guy was trying to sell me a holiday package where i didnt have to pay for accommedation and asked me rehetorically if i could stay anywhere else for free, so i listed most of my freinds and relatives and he just shut up for a while XD

 

[zombiez]

I kindly tell them that I am not interested and to have a pleasant day.

 

[The Kind Cannibal]

I usually lead them on for a few minutes and slowly start including my family into it. We basically are handing the phone off to each other every other sentence. It hilarious, especially when I put my pet cockatoo on the phone.

 

[jasoncyrus]

I don't have any telemarketer stories since I dont answer my landline much (if its someone important they have my mobile).

I do have gold seller stories though...

I generally try to sell them what they are selling me...they dont come back when you do that.

"We have 130k gold ready for sale on this server! Are you interested??"

"Nope but I have 7k you can purchase from me if you like, all for the low low price of...gtfo my server=.="

 

[I'mANinja]

I haven't tried it, but I'd speak spanish when I pick up the phone, then when they go to get a translator I'd hang up.

 

[ygetoff]

once i put my cat on the line and made him meow by dangling a cat treat above his head...i usually just hang up.

 

[jasoncyrus]

I haven't tried it, but I'd speak spanish when I pick up the phone, then when they go to get a translator I'd hang up.

You could start speaking arabic and listen to hear if they think you're a terrorist...

 

[I'mANinja]

I haven't tried it, but I'd speak spanish when I pick up the phone, then when they go to get a translator I'd hang up.

You could start speaking arabic and listen to hear if they think you're a terrorist...

Thanks, now I just have to learn arabic......

 

[jasoncyrus]

I haven't tried it, but I'd speak spanish when I pick up the phone, then when they go to get a translator I'd hang up.

You could start speaking arabic and listen to hear if they think you're a terrorist...

Thanks, now I just have to learn arabic......

Nah just randomly wing it with something that sounds vaguely like arabic. That way you can accuse them of racism when they think its arabic and listen to them panic.

 

[NeedAUserName]

My favourite is someone I know, who got called about a conservatory. He kept acting like he was interested, and right at the end said, "So how much would it be to have it put onto the 4th story of a block of flats by the way?". I think thats quite ingenious really.

 

[Incompl te]

Telemarketer: Would you like to purchase insurance from our company?
Me: What is insurance? I don't really know.
Telemarketer: ...*hang up*

works every time