tell me some bad jokes

[metal eslaved]

Person 1: What worse than a warm beer?
Person 2: What?
Person 1: Cancer

 

[BaronOfStuff]

A magician walks down the road, and turns into a street.

 

[kazeryu]

Women: "Our son is already 12 shouldn't we tell him about "you know"".
Man: "Alright, alright I'll talk with him".
Man: "Son isn't it time we talk about sexual education"?
Son: "alright dad what do you want to know"??

 

[zagadan7191]

Here's another

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg"

The Spirit of Tommy Cooper is still alive!!! And he said 'My dog doesn't eat meat'.
I said 'Why not?'.
He said 'We don't give him any'

 

[The-Epicly-Named-Man]

Well, I can give you an terrible, offensive, racist, sectarian joke (not actually because of a genuine hatred of Protestants of course; half my family are Anglicans and Calvinists).

Q: What's the difference between ET and a Protestant?

A: ET went home (don't hurt me).

Edit: This has clearly just killed this thread. Please forgive me.

 

[Adepo]

Why did mushroom go to the party?
Because he's a fungi.

 

[Blaze the Dragon]

A bartender says "We don't serve your kind here"
A neutrino walks into a bar.

 

[A Satanic Panda]

So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the giraffe falls asleep on the middle of the floor. The bar keep asks the man "Wus tah loyin on tah floor?" The man goes, "That's no lion, that's a giraffe."

BU DUM TSSHHHHH

completely humorless...

Spoiler: Who was the knight that invented the round table?

Sir Cumference

 

[Adepo]

Why did mushroom go to the party? Because he's a fungi.

 

[Steambroom]

What´s a black Priest called?

Holy Shit

 

[The Real Sandman]

A kid walks into a bathroom and sees his dad putting on a condom. The kid asks his dad, "What are you doing". His father turns around and says, "Oh... yeah. Um, I'm just trying to catch some rats!" The kid replied, "What are you gonna do when you catch one, fuck it?"

And now... A RACIST JOKE!

Why do black people have great cars, sweet clothes, and fancy jewelry, but ugly houses?

Spoiler: Answer

Because they havn't found a way to steal houses yet.

 

[Steambroom]

Three peanuts were going down der straße. One was assaulted... peanut!

 

[Shynobee]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Spoiler

The Holocaust.

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler

Red paint.

What is green and has wheels?

Spoiler

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

[gbemery]

Why was the chemist fired?

Spoiler

He was dropping acid

...eh eh..that ones a real knee slapper /sarcasm.

 

[Anti Nudist Cupcake]

A kid sits in class when the teacher asks him "have you done the homework I gave you?" when the kid asks "have you marked my test yet?" to which the teacher replies "I have many students whose tests I have to mark" to which the the boy replies "I have many teachers whose homework I have to do".

 

[RedDeadFred]

Guy 1:
To my left there was a ferocious lion. To my right, a tiger ready to spring. And in front and behind me there were stampeding elephants.
Guy 2:
How did you ever escape?!
Guy 1: I got off the merry-go-round.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Guy 1:
To my left there was a ferocious lion.
To my right, a tiger ready to spring.
And in front and behind me, stampeding elephants.
Guy 2: HOW DID YOU EVER ESCAPE!?!
Guy 1:
I got off the merry-go-round.

 

[CleverNickname]

I'm just glad you guys didn't make any Holocaust jokes.

They're not funny.

My grandpa died in a concentration camp.

He fell off the watchtower.

 

[RedDeadFred]

Guy 1:
To my left there was a ferocious lion.
To my right, a tiger ready to spring.
And in front and behind me, stampeding elephants.
Guy 2: HOW DID YOU EVER ESCAPE!?!
Guy 1:
I got off the merry-go-round.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Ok, What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

My dad has been telling that one for ages.