tell me some bad jokes

ToastiestZombie

Don't worry. Be happy!
Mar 21, 2011
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Cos he had noone to go with!

Why didn't the skeleton dance? Cos he didn't have any guts!

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Cos he was a fungi!

Why did the mushroom leave the party? Cos there wasn't mushroom!

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? A wonkey!

Why dont seagulls stay at land? Because if they didn't they'd be called bayguls!

And the classic!

Whats brown and sticky? A stick!
 

kazeryu

New member
Jun 8, 2011
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Women: "Our son is already 12 shouldn't we tell him about "you know"".
Man: "Alright, alright I'll talk with him".
Man: "Son isn't it time we talk about sexual education"?
Son: "alright dad what do you want to know"??
 

zagadan7191

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Nov 22, 2009
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Retronana said:
Here's another

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg"

The Spirit of Tommy Cooper is still alive!!! And he said 'My dog doesn't eat meat'.
I said 'Why not?'.
He said 'We don't give him any'
 
Dec 27, 2010
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Well, I can give you an terrible, offensive, racist, sectarian joke (not actually because of a genuine hatred of Protestants of course; half my family are Anglicans and Calvinists).

Q: What's the difference between ET and a Protestant?

A: ET went home (don't hurt me).

Edit: This has clearly just killed this thread. Please forgive me.
 

A Satanic Panda

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Nov 5, 2009
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Tonythion said:
So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the giraffe falls asleep on the middle of the floor. The bar keep asks the man "Wus tah loyin on tah floor?" The man goes, "That's no lion, that's a giraffe."

BU DUM TSSHHHHH
completely humorless...

Sir Cumference
 

The Real Sandman

New member
Oct 12, 2009
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A kid walks into a bathroom and sees his dad putting on a condom. The kid asks his dad, "What are you doing". His father turns around and says, "Oh... yeah. Um, I'm just trying to catch some rats!" The kid replied, "What are you gonna do when you catch one, fuck it?"

And now... A RACIST JOKE!

Why do black people have great cars, sweet clothes, and fancy jewelry, but ugly houses?
Because they havn't found a way to steal houses yet.
 

Shynobee

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Apr 16, 2009
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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

What is green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
 

gbemery

New member
Jun 27, 2009
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Why was the chemist fired?





He was dropping acid
...eh eh..that ones a real knee slapper /sarcasm.
 

Anti Nudist Cupcake

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Mar 23, 2010
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A kid sits in class when the teacher asks him "have you done the homework I gave you?" when the kid asks "have you marked my test yet?" to which the teacher replies "I have many students whose tests I have to mark" to which the the boy replies "I have many teachers whose homework I have to do".
 

RedDeadFred

Illusions, Michael!
May 13, 2009
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Guy 1:
To my left there was a ferocious lion. To my right, a tiger ready to spring. And in front and behind me there were stampeding elephants.
Guy 2:
How did you ever escape?!
Guy 1: I got off the merry-go-round.
 

RedDeadFred

Illusions, Michael!
May 13, 2009
4,896
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Guy 1:
To my left there was a ferocious lion.
To my right, a tiger ready to spring.
And in front and behind me, stampeding elephants.
Guy 2: HOW DID YOU EVER ESCAPE!?!
Guy 1:
I got off the merry-go-round.
 

CleverNickname

New member
Sep 19, 2010
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I'm just glad you guys didn't make any Holocaust jokes.

They're not funny.

My grandpa died in a concentration camp.

He fell off the watchtower.
 

RedDeadFred

Illusions, Michael!
May 13, 2009
4,896
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Guy 1:
To my left there was a ferocious lion.
To my right, a tiger ready to spring.
And in front and behind me, stampeding elephants.
Guy 2: HOW DID YOU EVER ESCAPE!?!
Guy 1:
I got off the merry-go-round.