tell me some bad jokes

[bigsby]

1. How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but it would have to be a pretty big lightbulb...

2. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Blue...

3. The fresh egg says to the boiler: " It might be a few minutes before I get hard, I just got laid by a chick".

 

[PleasantAsAHeadcrab]

Q: What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

A: Anyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!

Aaaah, toilet humor.

 

[CaptainKoala]

Here ya go!

 

[Trunipbob]

A baby fur seal walks into a club.


What's got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog


What do you do when you're driving down the street and you see a spaceman?

You park in it... man.



What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.


Where do you find a sheep with no legs?

Where you left it.

 

[deserteagleeye]

What do you call a drunk stupid midget?
Drinky-dinks. (No offense to little people AA members in North Carolina)
I'm awful

 

[Dalek Caan]

*Knock, Knock*
Who's there?
Melvin.
Melvin who?
Hugs!

 

[Bioluminescence]

A man and a boy are walking through the woods late at night. It's pitch black, and very creepy. The boy turns to the man and says "I'm scared!"

The man says "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone."

 

[Chris646]

Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.

 

[Josh Horton]

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.

>_>

 

[QUINTIX]

So while my father was stationed several miles south of Atlanta in Fort Gillem, Georgia (and nearby Fort McPherson a few years latter), I worked at the Commissary at Gillem and went to school at Clayton State University. Both places where near a place called Morrow Georgia.

It is such a ridiculous name for a city. I thought there should be a place called "Daiye," and another place called "Lanta," so when someone calls up and asks "Where you at?" they can respond "At Lanta. I may go to Daiye, or I may go to Morrow."

 

[newdarkcloud]

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light-bulb?"

"It's a pretty obscure number. I doubt you've heard of it."

 

[CleverNickname]

An American and a Russian submarine meet and the captains exchange boasts.
"Ours can go submerged for months at a time!", brags the American.
"Our boats stay under water for more than a year!", counters the Russian.
Suddenly a third sub surfaces. The hatch opens and out comes a sailor, yelling "Sieg Heil! Habt ihr etwas Diesel für uns?"

 

[Don Savik]

Here ya go!

I kinda thought his stupid jokes where a bit amusing, like laughing at a monkey, then I saw this. I just knew any atheist audience he had stopped smiling, and started sharpening their pitchforks. Its in bad taste, and I hope Dane Cook dies of something cure-able, like the common cold. Or falling out of the 2nd floor of a building on his face.

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

A banker, a priest, and the president walk into a bar.

Then a chicken crossed the road.

 

[Dethenger]

A guy walks into a bar.
His alcohol dependency is killing his family.

A chicken and an egg are in bed together. The chicken takes a drag of his cigarette and says, "Well, I guess that settles that."

 

[WafflesandBacon]

What do you do if a elephant comes in your room.

Swim.

 

[Alphonse_Lamperouge]

in WW2, how many French and German soldiers where killed?


NOT ENOUGH.

 

[Prof. Monkeypox]

A friend of mine drowned last week and at his funeral, instead of a wreath, we put a life preserver on his coffin...

...it's what he would have wanted.

 

[Oro44]

Two guys walk into a bar. I forget how the rest of it goes but the point is your mother is a whore.

 

[Nostalgia Ripoff]

How about I save us all time and direct you to this site? [http://anti-joke.com/]

Spoiler: Eh, how about some more.