The Biggest Joke in Gaming

[Unsilenced]

There are so many to list, but off the top of my head are people who preorder consoles. I don't see the point of owning the buggiest version of the system. So, you get it Day One and get to enjoy...maybe 1 of the...10 games out then on a console that runs the risk of crapping itself and dying. This, in addition to the Xbone and PS4 looking like more of the same (at least for now) cause me to wonder what the logic is that makes someone want to preorder them.

Preordering anything baffles me, especially when it comes to digital distribution. I mean, they're not going to sell out, after all. It's fucking digital. Even if you *really* needed those TF2 hats or whatever crap will end up being in the GOTY edition anyways, why not wait until a review or two comes out? A preorder made 20 seconds before the game comes out is still a pre-order according to Steam. And then there's pre-ordering DLC, which by all rights should be an oxymoron.

For consoles I suppose it's the "First on your block" mentality. If you can be one of the first people to have something, you get to talk about it before anyone else. Thus, for a few weeks after launch, people will pay attention to you/want to come over to see your new shiny toy. Of course, this means gambling hundreds of dollars on the quality of a theoretical piece of technology, which is at least part of why people get so defensive about their choice in consoles. They're convincing themselves more than anyone.

 

[Hunter Hyena]

One of the biggest jokes in gaming for me was Spore. For a game that had so much potential, it turned out to be a complete waste of time with no purpose what so ever.

You could even perhaps narrow that down to the space stage. I actually went back to the game recently, just to check I wasn't mistaken. Turns out the whole thing is still a mess, and you can barely do anything in space stage once the contact cycle of environmental disasters, pirate attacks, hostile empire invasions (hostile because you could never get a moments peace to make the money they wanted you to give them) and the like.

Also, it may not be a joke exactly, but stop pretending to be offended by things like the torture scene in GTA V or the fact that you can go whaling in AC4. You're not, really. Or moaning about how horrible the three main characters in GTA V are. Big deal. I can think of something else that was really popular despite a good number of its characters being a bit mean: Breaking Bad. Even the drug enforcement officer takes photos of dead criminals and sticks the pics up on his website for a laugh. What a pillar of the community eh? But that's tv, so of course it's different....

Thank you! I agree 100% on people acting offended by the torture scene, or really, anything in a GTA game. Though, that could be an easy way to get a view/comment count on a forum post/video. Take a very popular game/movie/show/w.e. and then say how some random thing offended you, thus the product is horrible and should never be played/viewed.

 

[AntiChrist]

Gone Home and The Stanley Parable.

You don't like these games because they're 'smart', and you're smart for playing them. You like them because they make you feel smart.

Also, it may not be a joke exactly, but stop pretending to be offended by things like the torture scene in GTA V or the fact that you can go whaling in AC4.

Thank you! I agree 100% on people acting offended by the torture scene, or really, anything in a GTA game. Though, that could be an easy way to get a view/comment count on a forum post/video. Take a very popular game/movie/show/w.e. and then say how some random thing offended you, thus the product is horrible and should never be played/viewed.

I couldn't have said it any better myself. It's staggering how many people fall for the act of sensationalist game journalists like Greg Tito or that woman from Gamespot who was trying to push her own agenda concealed as criticism. And don't even get me started on the hipsters pretending to enjoy Gone Home. I don't believe a second that they actually enjoyed it - they just say that in order to sound smart. It's not even a real game. Anyway, good to know I'm not the only one who can see the truth for what it really is.

Also, the moon landing was obviously fake, and 9/11 was an inside job.

 

[VoidOfOne]

Diablo 3/SimCity's launch.

Because, of course nobody is going to be able to play these games on launch because it's expected that the servers can't handle millions of people trying to connect and play the game at the same time. I mean, after all, considering these franchises haven't come up with a game in its sequence well over a decade since the last game, it's not like there are millions of people who are waiting in eager anticipation to play this AT LAUNCH. It's perfectly reasonable to think that, despite the vast amount of servers set up, they can't take that load, and players will just have to be patient because good things come to those who wait.

And, it's very obvious that the best things about these games, or the potentially best thing, is that people are interconnected and play with each other, because that's what these games are meant to be: multi-player. It's not as if the last games had several people, THE MAJORITY, who liked to play on their own, anytime they want, without having to worry about their internet connection working 24/7, or at all, means anything. These games, these new games, are meant to be played with friends or complete strangers; it doesn't matter, as there is a vision, where everyone is connected, and no one has to ever play alone. After all, there are other games for that (Torchlight 2/Pirated version of offline SimCity).

Also, considering that, even though the requirement to be always online was never used before, the fact that it's used now is a great boon to the future of gaming, to the point that it doesn't matter about how little important loot drops, as that is why we have the auction house. And all those little bugs and small terrain are just incentives to join with other players' cities and keep communication flowing. It all works! There's a vision!

...

I completely regret purchasing Diablo 3, rather, pre-ordering Diablo 3, even though I have friends that still play. And while I was never a SimCity fan, I understand the pain of the fans of the series. Especially since trying to connect to the game servers is only the START of the problems/failings of both games.

 

[TehCookie]

I still think Kojima takes the cake for MG2 and switching Snake with Raiden.

 

[Specter Von Baren]

The sales of DmC. I haven't played the game so I don't know for sure whether it deserved the ire from the fans or not (I will say that I think it's a step back in terms of bosses, both in design and gameplay, based on what I've seen), however I do find it to be a great joke that people told those that were complaining about the game before its release to vote with their wallet, and those people did so, and the game did poorly.

But honestly, that's just a small joke. The biggest joke, I think, is Action 52.

 

[Someone Depressing]

"Artistic" games.

Everything Tale of Tales has ever made. Sure, they're interesting, and reasonably artistic, and most importantly of all, want to crack their way into a different perspective of gaming, but what they do.. isn't good.

A social game where you are a dear doing dear things? Cool, artsy. Now, give the dear human faces, and give it a soundtrack that'll make you want to put sharp utensils in your ears - annoying, stupid, flimsy.

Tale of Tales is a joke. Take the Graveyard - an old woman walking through a graveyard simulator. And you don't even control her.

EDIT: Forgot, Ouya. "Safe haven" for indie developers my ass. Its best-selling game is a poorly ported Final Fantasy 3.

 

[JagermanXcell]

The sales of DmC.

DAMN IT!!! ninja'd.

Well I guess I can just add onto it and say that the development behind DmC was a big joke.
The game's director, Tameem Antoniades, was met with so much negative feedback that a lot of the reboots "original" ideas were completely scraped. He deserved the negative feedback though, he was being a massive dick towards the original fanbase. Worse was he and NT tried to pander towards the original fanbase anyways even though he said weeks after the announcement that "they didn't care".

-Promised an edgier Dante =/="Mad at the world" smoker Donte got shafted, design stayed the same, but persona changed to a somewhat old Dante to pander.
-Promised a more complex style system that would outclass DMC4's =/= Combat was dumbed down, getting SSS was too easy, no taunts, color coordinated enemies...
-Promised an original CANON story with likable characters and original designs =/= Say what you will but the whole cast was boring, story was the plot to "They Live" and had no connection to the originals whatsoever (Theres no Devil May Cry business in Devil May Cry...), and the Devil Trigger was pandering even harder with nothing but a recoloring of the hair and jacket.
-Told the original fanbase to deal with the change =/= Tried selling an alt original Dante skin that changed nothing anyways.
-Capcom was confident NT would handle DMC correctly and professionally =/= NT posts photoshop pictures of Dante with the cast from Brokeback Mountain. How cute NT.
Have fun making iphone games. Thanks for Heavenly Sword though!

As for other notable jokes:
-Metroid "non canon as @#$%" Other M.
-Duke Nukem Forever
-Xboned
-CoD Ghost's Dog showcasing
-3DO, Virtual Boy, Sega 32x ect. ect,
-EA, Square Enix, and Capcom
-Indie games more or less.
-DLC
-AAA game industry mindset in general

 

[IrateDonnie]

Duke Nukem Forever...it's sorta a shame they killed the joke by making the game people had been mocking for years.

It's ok HL3/episode 3??? took it's spot

 

[Phasmal]

The gaming community?

Cause we all just wanna have fun but we like to ***** like there's no tomorrow and some of us like to think that we get to say who can have fun and who can not.
That's pretty funny. Or kinda sad.

 

[Sight Unseen]

How early access and pre-alpha releases are so abundant nowadays. It just baffles me how people accept to pay for these unfinished products. I get that smaller studios don't have the budget of the big companies and can't pay for the same kind of testers, but come on. We're not only helping them make the game, but we're also paying for that privilege?

I disagree with you on this one. As someone who has taken part in a number of early access titles (Minecraft (before early access was cool ), Project Zomboid, Gnomoria, DayZ, Sir, You Are Being Hunted, Dota 2, Magicka: Wizard Wars(they gave me this one for free though) etc) some of the games are still undoubtedly fun even though they are still unfinished products. It gives the devs valuable insight into where their game should be heading, as well as the early funds to sustain development until it hits full release.

It's also really fun watching a game evolve over time and get better and better (hopefully)

Finally, they usually let you into the early access for significantly cheaper than they anticipate their final retail price to be. I got into Minecraft for $10 and now it's $20 I think. I got Project Zomboid for $8 before their Early Access, now it's $15 for early access, and will probably be ~$20 for their full release. So you get better value and usually lifetime licenses and free updates for life.

I like seeing the potential of a good game come to life and be able to play it from its early days and evolve into a better and better product

See that's the thing. It works for some (Minecraft is a good example). For most, it not only piss people off because it's too expensive (like Planetary Annihilation, which cost about 100 quids for early access, although the price has come down, it's still more expensive than a full freaking game) but also because the product is in such a messy state that it's basically unplayable (a friend of mine tried StarForge, and got sick of all the problems and lack of features, especially since there hasn't been any progress on it since). The biggest problem I have with this is the fact it's become the standard now to have people pay to do the jobs of testers, and I find that unacceptable.

I agree with you on the games that cost way too much ( I still dont understand why so many future free to play games are forcing people to pay for early access (Dota 2 *kind of* did this, and Magicka: Wizard Wars is doing this too, except they gave away some free passes which is where I got mine) but I just wouldn't buy those ones.

As for games that are borderline unplayable, that comes down to doing your research first before buying. that should be something easy enough to look up.

As for games that don't update very often, I feel like Steam should hold devs accountable to at least keep their buyers up to date on progress and if the devs abandon their game and leave it on early access, Valve should take the game down so people don't accidentally buy abandonware under the pretense that there's supposed to be updates for it.

 

[Lunar Templar]

Pay to Win. Now the wonderful consumer realizes they can either pay $500 for smurf berries/plant food/gold coins or spend 1000 years grinding out the same level to continue. The even larger joke is that due to the number of people that actually pay up, many companies see this as a viable business model.

so .. basically your answer is 'Zynga'?

for me? Nexon, just Nexon. They should be getting so much more hate then they do, cause in a lot of ways they're even worse then EA.

then there's

Zynga
Blizzards favoritism of the console over PC for D3
D3 in general.
Square-Enix
The Xbone (it's managed to get less desirable the more i find out about it, and I wasn't gonna get it to begin with)
The now dead GFWL

and that's all I got for the moment.

 

[Sight Unseen]

Project Zomboid

Huh, so I forgot I bought that waayyy back when they were first offering it as well! Just got it loaded up onto my steam account, yay!

It's an awesome game and it's gotten a lot better since the pre-alpha. They've added some really nice features and fixed the graphics and lighting up a ton so the game looks really pretty for a 2D sprite game

 

[Samantha Burt]

The singleplayer of every CoD since Black Ops.
Hold X to open door.
Hurry and shoot this guy! Don't worry, we'll make it slow motion for you.
Hold X to walk through door.
Hold X to gaze longingly out the window.
Obviously I exaggerate for effect. But still, the amount of contextual button presses that led to uncontrolled pre-animated things was honestly annoying for me. I thus nominate CoD.

I think token game modes in general. When it's quite obvious you're making a game for one particular form of play, don't try to expand it, because then both experiences end up diluted.

 

[Chicago Ted]

I did play it, though, and I hated it. I care not for realism as long as I get to do cool things that I can't do in other games. For example Saints Row The Third has the awesome tron level that lets me be a dragon at the end. GTA V has that entire minor turbulence mission.

Mafia II has generic cover shooting, chores, and maybe one mission where you blow up a building. You know, because they weren't aware that red faction guerilla will let you destroy almost everything.

So, by this logic, Goodfellas is a worthless film because it wasn't Transformers.

You are aware that not every game needs to be catered to the extreme ADD crowd right? You know, the ones that can't go forty seconds without something being either shot or blown up without completely losing interest in the game.

Look, you didn't like it, fine, understandable, not for everyone, but painting it as shite just because it wasn't stuffing constant action down your throat is just drivel. Not every game needs to be built up on having the screen constantly filled with the bloom and explosions. Mafia II was slower, yeah, but being slower doesn't automatically mean being worse.

 

[KazeAizen]

The sales of DmC.

DAMN IT!!! ninja'd.

Well I guess I can just add onto it and say that the development behind DmC was a big joke.
The game's director, Tameem Antoniades, was met with so much negative feedback that a lot of the reboots "original" ideas were completely scraped. He deserved the negative feedback though, he was being a massive dick towards the original fanbase. Worse was he and NT tried to pander towards the original fanbase anyways even though he said weeks after the announcement that "they didn't care".

-Promised an edgier Dante =/="Mad at the world" smoker Donte got shafted, design stayed the same, but persona changed to a somewhat old Dante to pander.
-Promised a more complex style system that would outclass DMC4's =/= Combat was dumbed down, getting SSS was too easy, no taunts, color coordinated enemies...
-Promised an original CANON story with likable characters and original designs =/= Say what you will but the whole cast was boring, story was the plot to "They Live" and had no connection to the originals whatsoever (Theres no Devil May Cry business in Devil May Cry...), and the Devil Trigger was pandering even harder with nothing but a recoloring of the hair and jacket.
-Told the original fanbase to deal with the change =/= Tried selling an alt original Dante skin that changed nothing anyways.
-Capcom was confident NT would handle DMC correctly and professionally =/= NT posts photoshop pictures of Dante with the cast from Brokeback Mountain. How cute NT.
Have fun making iphone games. Thanks for Heavenly Sword though!

As for other notable jokes:
-Metroid "non canon as @#$%" Other M.
-Duke Nukem Forever
-Xboned
-CoD Ghost's Dog showcasing
-3DO, Virtual Boy, Sega 32x ect. ect,
-EA, Square Enix, and Capcom
-Indie games more or less.
-DLC
-AAA game industry mindset in general

So judging by the end of your post you think pretty much the whole video game industry is a joke right now?

 

[debtcollector]

Nobody's said Sonic yet? Huh. It's bizarre that a franchise that has exhausted nigh all goodwill will still make a new game every few years. Seriously, the first thing anyone says when a new Sonic game is announced is that it will be terrible, and people who argue with them are becoming fewer and fewer because the evidence is stacking up. It's one of the few franchises I think should be put down, just out of mercy.

Also, "spunkgargleweewee." No, not the concept or the word. More the idea that any military fps can be summarily dismissed by a childish word culled from a Yahtzee review. The kind of people who use this word are people whose opinions hurt the gaming community.

 

[Racecarlock]

I did play it, though, and I hated it. I care not for realism as long as I get to do cool things that I can't do in other games. For example Saints Row The Third has the awesome tron level that lets me be a dragon at the end. GTA V has that entire minor turbulence mission.

Mafia II has generic cover shooting, chores, and maybe one mission where you blow up a building. You know, because they weren't aware that red faction guerilla will let you destroy almost everything.

So, by this logic, Goodfellas is a worthless film because it wasn't Transformers.

You are aware that not every game needs to be catered to the extreme ADD crowd right? You know, the ones that can't go forty seconds without something being either shot or blown up without completely losing interest in the game.

Look, you didn't like it, fine, understandable, not for everyone, but painting it as shite just because it wasn't stuffing constant action down your throat is just drivel. Not every game needs to be built up on having the screen constantly filled with the bloom and explosions. Mafia II was slower, yeah, but being slower doesn't automatically mean being worse.

I'm not trying to say that it was shit for everyone else. If you like it, fine, but for me it was one of the worst games I have ever played.

I haven't seen goodfellas, but I assume that film would actually do something to keep me interested, but mafia II's story just reminded me of the stories of GTA III and IV, as if they collided and farted out a generic mafia game.

Also, extreme ADD? Really? I know you don't agree with my opinion which I am still not trying to force on everyone else, but there's no need for insults.

 

[Olas]

The Sonic series

Origin

Pre-ordering

Season Passes

People arguing 720p looks better than 1080p

People who got butthurt over Greg Tito's review of GTAV

 

[DrunkOnEstus]

Just because it's bothering me right now: Deadly Premonition. Yes, I know it's in on it's own joke, but:

Got it on 360 for $10 more than it was worth because it was supposed to be cult and they printed like 10 copies. Fair enough. Difficulty was totally fucked and combat had no real purpose.

Oh, there's a director's cut for the PS3? 40 bucks? God dammit, well if I can enjoy the amazing story and open-ended mystery solving with refined combat, better framerate, and less bugs, then I'm game. Oh, the framerate is worse. And you removed all the difficulty options and made the combat even more pointless by having everything go down in one shot. And there's more bugs than there were before? Fuuuckk...

Okay, so there's a PC port. Awesome. I mean, it's the PC, I can make it look as beautiful as I want it to be, decide to use KB&M or the gamepad, and I should be able to brute-force it into running at 60 fps regardless. And it's priced more towards the original release, even though I blew 40 bucks on that broken shit for the PS3. Oh...there's no native gamepad support. Or any audio/visual options whatsoever of any kind, not even resolution. And I have to put it in Windows 98 compatibility mode to stop it from crashing, which makes the loading times longer than on either console.

Which makes me the biggest joke, for spending $95 on a $20 budget game that I haven't beaten yet because I'm waiting for a modder to do in two weeks what Access has been trying to do for like 10 years. But of what I've experienced, I do love. Else I wouldn't be still trying.