The Complete Bastard's Guide To Journalism

[The Wooster]

The Complete Bastard's Guide To Journalism

This drive by shooting was brought to you by Gawker.

Read Full Article

 

[Canadamus Prime]

I read the first panel and immediately thought "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Mayor of Toronto, would it?" then I saw your desc underneath and yep it does.

 

[Tireseas_v1legacy]

I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

Well, we used to make some pretty good shwarma, but the guy who cooks it is on a thousand year vacation, so we don't really need the meat anymore...

 

[SweetShark]

Its seems the Demon from the movie "Drag me to Hell" give his sacrificed cat to Satan. Very useful down to Hell I must say.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

Also, blood, blood everywhere.

 

[Fappy]

Followed the link. Holy shit, that's one fucked up use for Kickstart if I ever saw one.

 

[Little Gray]

I read the first panel and immediately thought "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Mayor of Toronto, would it?" then I saw your desc underneath and yep it does.

I am glad I am not the only one who knew it was about Ford. In addition to being a decent mayor he provides some pretty hilarious new articles every single week.

 

[PunkRex]

The guy should start snorting sugar in public just to spite the bastards.

 

[Legion]

Although I know it wasn't the intention, the panels kind of look like a guys slow transition into being Satan.

First he has a scary face.
Secondly he now has glowing eyes.
Thirdly he has red skin and horns.

 

[knight steel]

-BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD-SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE-VIDEO'S OF PEOPLE TAKING CRACK FOR THE GAWKER ARTICLE-
Ok I admit the last one doesn't have the same ring to it but it's the best I could come up with >_<
Also Goats are so last century sacrificing virgins is the new black now-psssh Gawker can't even get that straught no wonder poor Mr Satan is upset

 

[Tireseas_v1legacy]

I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

Well, we used to make some pretty good shwarma, but the guy who cooks it is on a thousand year vacation, so we don't really need the meat anymore...

Now hell is shwarming with the damned things!

*Kicks you into the pit of hell reserved to torture people who say puns*

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clean up some rotting goat carcasses

 

[kamay]

The best part of this story now is apparently the alleged crack dealer who has the mystery video has gone MIA. So now gawker is just sitting on a pot of $160,000 for a video that may or may not even exist from a drug dealer who has vanished off the face of the earth. I look forward to the "Rob Ford had him killed" conspiracy theories to pop up. It is days like this this I am glad I live in a 'Sauga

Also..I thought most dealers were on call 24/7? people gotta have their crack!!

 

[Zombie_Moogle]

Great comic

Crowdfunding has taken an interesting turn from its origin of the collective joining to fund creativity & causes...

...Ok, new idea. I'm gonna start a Kickstarter or IndieGoGo, etc. to fund absolutely horrible things. anyone interested in helping fund a zombie catch'n'release program? Or maybe supervillians? I'm sure we can weaponize badgers if we had a few bucks

 

[Something Amyss]

Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

Also, blood, blood everywhere.

Silly Daystar. You can't kill a cheeseburger.

 

[Chris Tian]

I read the first panel and immediately thought "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Mayor of Toronto, would it?" then I saw your desc underneath and yep it does.

It's not very amusing for a Cracked article.

Thats enough, its pun-jail for you now.

OT: Thats so unbelievably hilarious. Best thing, there are actually people donating for that... donating money to give to crack dealers.

Gotta love the Gawker guys, that strip plus the article made my day.

 

[hentropy]

Wait, are those Kyubei in the background? I resent that, sir. They simply care about the fate of the universe, and they keep getting compared to Satan.

 

[RJ 17]

Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

I make regular sacrifices of Chipotle burritos to the demon inhabiting my labrynthian stomach, does that count? :3

I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

Well, we used to make some pretty good shwarma, but the guy who cooks it is on a thousand year vacation, so we don't really need the meat anymore...

Now hell is shwarming with the damned things!

*insert drum rimshot* Seriously though, that one got you the Facepalm of the Day award, congrats!

OT: Seriously...they're publically announcing they intend to give crack dealers 200K...annnnnnnnd there's absolutely no legal problems with this? I know weed isn't looked on as harshly in Canada as it is in the US, but crack? And if the mayor actually does know these people...can't he have them arrested? Because...you know...they're frickin' crack dealers...

 

[ThunderCavalier]

wat

Just... wat

I'm so confused right now.

 

[Sqrt(-1)]

The best part of this story now is apparently the alleged crack dealer who has the mystery video has gone MIA. So now gawker is just sitting on a pot of $160,000 for a video that may or may not even exist from a drug dealer who has vanished off the face of the earth. I look forward to the "Rob Ford had him killed" conspiracy theories to pop up. It is days like this this I am glad I live in a 'Sauga

Also..I thought most dealers were on call 24/7? people gotta have their crack!!

My favorite part is the wording. "Our confidence that we can consummate this transaction has diminished."

There seems to be less blood than last time. Is the goat defective? No wonder Satan doesn't want it.

 

[freaper]

Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

Also, blood, blood everywhere.

Toothpaste blood; practical purposes? Close to zero. Also, what's Satan's address? I've got half a barn worth of sacrifices to make before I can reach world domination.