The Customer Is Always Wrong
- Thread starter Xhumed
- Start date
To explain this we are all either pirates or Ninja's.Cyclomega post=18.70218.711206 said:
Again welcome *disappears*.
I think we should have talk like sparta day, that would be amazing. I can do an amazing Scottish accent, and look sexy in a cape and loin cloth! Also just once I would like to kick a twat down a well, shopping centre escalators, etc...
After that massive trail of, back to the stories! This is probably the best thread on the Escapist!
After that massive trail of, back to the stories! This is probably the best thread on the Escapist!
3 more for you
since the smoking ban came into england, we've had (a very expensive and rather nice) smoking shelter out the back of the pub (the pub isn't huge, nor is the smoking area) but the narrow part of the yard is still no-smoking, with signs, and everything...
i finish work, change my shirt (so i don't get more people asking me to serve) wander out back for a smoke.
there's a group of 4 well dressed business types smoking in the no smoking area.. so i light up next to them, and look at one of the signs, then ask, in a very unconvincing polish/russian accent (i'll try and type it how i said it)
"excuz me pleez, i am speaking english well, but not so good at reading of it. can you tell me what sign sez pleez?"
they tell me, so i say 'maybe we should be moving down a little bit'
so we all move down, just then, one of my staff come out to get something from the back cellar, says hello, and which point, in perfect english, i have a quick conversation with them.
the business types looked rather shocked, but pretty amused/
Secondly, one of the girls who worked for me (now gone to uni... god help us) was consistantly 10 mins late on teh bar, she could show up half an hour early, and stand chatting to her boyfriend, or 5 mins late, and still, be on the bar, bang-on 10 past. Everytime she did, i looked her in the eye, then at the clock. She complained. 'why do you always look at me, then the clock?' i tell her...
next day, EXACTLY the same thing happens... she looks at me and asks 'why do you always look at the clock?'
last, and possibly the best....
We serve a large selection of Cask Conditioned Ales which vary week to week, but usually we have beers from the same brewer at the same times (buy in bulk, makes sense) 2 beers of note: Pride Of Pendle, and Pendle Witches Brew, both from Moorhouses brewery
Customer: 2 pints of Pendle please
Me: Is that Pendle Witch, or Pride of Pendle?
C: (looking at me like i'm the thick one) The Moorhouses one
Me: Well, is that the Moorhouses Pendle Witches Brew, of the Moorhouses Pride Of Pendle?
C: (after a few minutes conferring with his friends) Pride
M: (serves the beer) Anything else sir?
C: (another few minutes conferring) What whisky do you have?
M: Dalwhinnie, Glenkinchie, Laohroiag, Talisker, and some irish crap (i don't like Jamesons)
C: (yet more conferring) 2 more pints of Pendle please.
M: (frustrated) Pendle Witch or Pride Of Pendle?
C: MOORHOUSES!!!
M: (taking the drinks away) i'm sorry Sir, you've had too much to drink...
since the smoking ban came into england, we've had (a very expensive and rather nice) smoking shelter out the back of the pub (the pub isn't huge, nor is the smoking area) but the narrow part of the yard is still no-smoking, with signs, and everything...
i finish work, change my shirt (so i don't get more people asking me to serve) wander out back for a smoke.
there's a group of 4 well dressed business types smoking in the no smoking area.. so i light up next to them, and look at one of the signs, then ask, in a very unconvincing polish/russian accent (i'll try and type it how i said it)
"excuz me pleez, i am speaking english well, but not so good at reading of it. can you tell me what sign sez pleez?"
they tell me, so i say 'maybe we should be moving down a little bit'
so we all move down, just then, one of my staff come out to get something from the back cellar, says hello, and which point, in perfect english, i have a quick conversation with them.
the business types looked rather shocked, but pretty amused/
Secondly, one of the girls who worked for me (now gone to uni... god help us) was consistantly 10 mins late on teh bar, she could show up half an hour early, and stand chatting to her boyfriend, or 5 mins late, and still, be on the bar, bang-on 10 past. Everytime she did, i looked her in the eye, then at the clock. She complained. 'why do you always look at me, then the clock?' i tell her...
next day, EXACTLY the same thing happens... she looks at me and asks 'why do you always look at the clock?'
last, and possibly the best....
We serve a large selection of Cask Conditioned Ales which vary week to week, but usually we have beers from the same brewer at the same times (buy in bulk, makes sense) 2 beers of note: Pride Of Pendle, and Pendle Witches Brew, both from Moorhouses brewery
Customer: 2 pints of Pendle please
Me: Is that Pendle Witch, or Pride of Pendle?
C: (looking at me like i'm the thick one) The Moorhouses one
Me: Well, is that the Moorhouses Pendle Witches Brew, of the Moorhouses Pride Of Pendle?
C: (after a few minutes conferring with his friends) Pride
M: (serves the beer) Anything else sir?
C: (another few minutes conferring) What whisky do you have?
M: Dalwhinnie, Glenkinchie, Laohroiag, Talisker, and some irish crap (i don't like Jamesons)
C: (yet more conferring) 2 more pints of Pendle please.
M: (frustrated) Pendle Witch or Pride Of Pendle?
C: MOORHOUSES!!!
M: (taking the drinks away) i'm sorry Sir, you've had too much to drink...
You jinxed it... oh no female teenagers. Run for the hills!! oh god! Oh the humanity.Xhumed post=18.70218.714346 said:
Fuck, I did jinx it.
Customer demanding we give him a new keyboard, since the one that came with his computer is faulty. Fair enough perhaps, but we don't stock spare parts- it's down to Acer, the company that made the computer, so replace a faulty component, since they all come pre-packaged. When politely informed of this, the man claimed he'd spoken to Acer, and they told we'd give him a replacement.
We know this is bullshit, since Acer customer service knows a) we don't stock replacement parts and b)it's their liability. Basically, this guy is now trying to scam a free upgraded keyboard from us.
So we called Acer, in front of him. Who confirmed everything we'd told him. He left somewhat red-faced.
Customer demanding we give him a new keyboard, since the one that came with his computer is faulty. Fair enough perhaps, but we don't stock spare parts- it's down to Acer, the company that made the computer, so replace a faulty component, since they all come pre-packaged. When politely informed of this, the man claimed he'd spoken to Acer, and they told we'd give him a replacement.
We know this is bullshit, since Acer customer service knows a) we don't stock replacement parts and b)it's their liability. Basically, this guy is now trying to scam a free upgraded keyboard from us.
So we called Acer, in front of him. Who confirmed everything we'd told him. He left somewhat red-faced.
Dude, that's just the start of it.Xhumed post=18.70218.718153 said:
I was reminded of this thread when the LHC started up today. At first, it didn't work. So they tried switching it off and on again, and it worked fine.
See. The IT Crowd know.
a lil off topic here but...Noznin post=18.70218.711086 said:
again, political office
oldest one in the book
"is your refrigerator running?"
"no"
"dude, your suppposed to say yes"
"but that would be lying"
"no, its a jo-"
"are you suggesting i lie to someone?!?"
"its just a joke man..."
"lying is not something to be joked with!"
"look, just say yes"
"yes"
"well yo... ah fuck it"
hang up
Oh, I know. It works for almost everything.The_root_of_all_evil post=18.70218.719729 said:Dude, that's just the start of it.Xhumed post=18.70218.718153 said:
I was reminded of this thread when the LHC started up today. At first, it didn't work. So they tried switching it off and on again, and it worked fine.
See. The IT Crowd know.
Oh I love the people who come back with something wrong and will want "gas compensation" along with a refund <.< I don't normally get gas money for running to another store, unless I have to do it several times in a week.
Oh I had one guy want "gas Compensation" because the Drive thru line was slow, but guess what the counter was empty, I basically let him know he had a choice of whether to go through the DT or go inside and we cannot be held responsible for the repercussions of his choice
I actually had one fool who argued with one of the crew about the size of an ice cream cone being too small, which I saw it and told the crew person it was fine and I heard the entire exchange which my crew person with calm and polite with him, well later that night I went to a burger king that's near by to our store only to have the same guy leaving as I'm in line and shouts across the lobby "I would be eating at your store right now if your employee hadn't been so rude with his 'I don't care what you say, you're wrong and I'm going to do this' Attitude." and proceeded to stomp out, effectively leaving the entire lobby and half the staff staring at him like he's a maniac, which I explained what had happened to the cashier and they just shook their head at the guy.
One other thing is people who DEMAND reimbursement, see if they ask nicely or say nothing at all Im more likely to give more if any then people who demand it, Technically they are entitled to their order and nothing more, but in some cases as a way of keeping business we will give out small things. And the one thing that makes me just want to smack a customer are ones that demand reimbursement that costs MORE then what they were missing I had one guy telling my order taker one night that because he had to come back for 2 pies, That he better give him nuggets and a medium drink. I don't care who you are but I'm not giving them about $4 in food because something worth $1 is missing, that's ludicrous!
I surprise people that work at fast food places when there is something wrong, cause Im cool about it, because to Errr is human.
Oh I had one guy want "gas Compensation" because the Drive thru line was slow, but guess what the counter was empty, I basically let him know he had a choice of whether to go through the DT or go inside and we cannot be held responsible for the repercussions of his choice
I actually had one fool who argued with one of the crew about the size of an ice cream cone being too small, which I saw it and told the crew person it was fine and I heard the entire exchange which my crew person with calm and polite with him, well later that night I went to a burger king that's near by to our store only to have the same guy leaving as I'm in line and shouts across the lobby "I would be eating at your store right now if your employee hadn't been so rude with his 'I don't care what you say, you're wrong and I'm going to do this' Attitude." and proceeded to stomp out, effectively leaving the entire lobby and half the staff staring at him like he's a maniac, which I explained what had happened to the cashier and they just shook their head at the guy.
One other thing is people who DEMAND reimbursement, see if they ask nicely or say nothing at all Im more likely to give more if any then people who demand it, Technically they are entitled to their order and nothing more, but in some cases as a way of keeping business we will give out small things. And the one thing that makes me just want to smack a customer are ones that demand reimbursement that costs MORE then what they were missing I had one guy telling my order taker one night that because he had to come back for 2 pies, That he better give him nuggets and a medium drink. I don't care who you are but I'm not giving them about $4 in food because something worth $1 is missing, that's ludicrous!
I surprise people that work at fast food places when there is something wrong, cause Im cool about it, because to Errr is human.