I'll be perfectly honest you: You put a lot of effort into a post that highlights the fact that you don't understand, not only how things are for trans folk, but the history of civil rights and the battles for positive representation. You want to pin things on the trans community because we're "complaining", well let me tell you something about representation in film and television that's effected other groups. Lesbians and gays haven't gotten better representation in media by sitting down and shutting up, they've gotten it by standing up and shouting about the bad representation. What about black folk, they didn't quietly sit on the side lines and accept the negative stereotyping done to them in film and television representation, they stood up and demanded better. The very argument you've used here was used against the gay movement, it was the same argument used against the black civil rights movement, hell it was the same argument used against the women's rights movements.Panzer Camper said:-snip-
It's always the same argument and it always translates to basically two words: "Shut up!" It's always the same with groups who control the societal power, telling the group that wants better treatment that: "You just need to calm down, quiet down, and wait for things to get better." That's however the problem, it's exactly why we need to raise such a big stink, weather we're Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or a racial minority, or oppressed because of our sex, or gender identities. The problem is that this is a platitude given by people who aren't going to actively participate in helping us win better treatment and equal rights, we're told we have to wait. Because we're subjected to these platitudes is why marginalized groups have always had to fight tooth and nail for our rights, to stand up and be visible, to demand fair treatment. That's the only way things ever get better, we have to be loud, stomp our feet, and tell society we're sick of being treated like crap. Because if we shut up, sit around, and wait for things to get better, they won't, no group fighting for their rights and for their fair treatment has ever gotten it by shutting up and waiting.
When it comes to these forums, they're not a terrible place, they're not innately transphobic, or hateful. Still I've run into a lot of casual unintentional transphobic behavior, people downplaying or dismissing issues that the trans folk on these forums bring up. I don't begrudge people for that generally, because the people doing it don't understand, they don't understand that for us every day is a fight for even basic levels of tolerance. I only get annoyed with people when they obstinately cling to dismissing and downplaying trans issues when they come up, because it's them telling me that it's not a problem for them, so naturally I'm the one that needs to shut up. Now I have experienced some open, blatant, and very intentional transphobic vitriol on these forums, but that's a real tiny minority of the people I come across here, who usually get warned, sometimes banned for their behavior. So all in all these forums are find, the majority of people here are great, but they don't listen and they'd rather argue the point, instead of trying to see it from our prospective. Which is something I encounter all the time in the real world too, so it's not like it's alien, it's pretty normal, which is more depressing than anything else.
On a side note that's why I'm speaking as much as I have in this thread: Using cis men to portray trans women in trans positive roles is a casual unintentional form of trans phobia. The reason is that it shows that people are still in some ways trying to show that they still view trans women as men, not women, which is exactly what we're working against.
Still you say you want to stand shoulder to shoulder? That's fantastic, that means you're showing commitment in terms of wanting to be an ally, but there is something that I need to ask. There is one responsibility that all allies have first and foremost: Listen. That means when a trans person tells you about an issue you don't dismiss it, you don't downplay it, you don't compare your experiences in not facing such issues, and you don't argue about it. You just listen to what we have to say about it, then if you're not sure you understand, or just have questions, then ask those questions and listen to the answers. Is that too much to ask? Really because dismissing the issue, arguing it, downplaying it, telling us how it's not an issue for you, telling us that we're complaining too much... That's not helpful in addressing the societal and legal issues we face, it's just more platitudes telling us to sit down, shut up, and wait for things to get better. The problem is by sitting down, shutting up, and waiting for things to get better, that puts us back into the shadows, it pushes back all of the work and awareness we've built... It puts us back into the most dangerous place, where we're victimized, marginalized, ignored, and left to languish in a hopeless situation where things never get better.
In fact this is one of the biggest reasons we ask you to be patient and listen:
That experience is an every day experience for trans folk, it's not just the holiday dinner table where we face it, we face it all the time from every direction, and it's exhausting. I've had close cisgender friends bring moments like that up, which half the time catches the attention of a stranger in a public place, which starts a transphobic tirade. It's a really depressingly common occurrence and it never occurs to anyone arguing against our points, that the reason we complain so much is because every single little thing in our daily lives is an uphill battle. For most of my trans friends those uphill battles can easily turn violent for them, leaving them beaten in an alley way. We're already being silenced by threat of violence, rape, and murder, we don't need our allies telling us to shut up too.Panzer Camper said:It's these "offended by everything related to the trans community that isn't done exactly perfectly as trans people see it" moments that make me go silent at the holiday dinner table while some older grandparent switches gears from the common gay bashing and goes for the rarer trans people are queer line.
That's pretty much the whole point, we don't want to be treated with kid gloves, we want to be treated with respect, to be treated as equals, and to have our rights protected. We don't get any of that even federal gay rights legal protections don't cover trans folk, we're extremely vulnerable. So we ask our allies to listen and to back us up at where we draw the line, not where our allies would like us to draw the line. We're fighting the same battles that the gay rights, black rights, womens rights, and other civil rights movements have had to fight, and we have to fight the same way, by demanding it. None of these movements have ever gotten anywhere by asking politely, so neither will ours. So of our allies we ask they stand with us, to support our experiences, not downplay, dismiss, explain away our issues, and basically tell us to shut up. It's issues that we trans folk face that need to be addressed, they don't get addressed when we're told to shut up.