The Escapist Advice Thread

[Dr.Susse]

Here's a nice stress ball. If you feel your self feeling sociopathic just throw it at the nearest person.

Dear Escapist how do I improve my punctuation!>?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

What you do, is form a fist and then punch the upper left corner of your keyboard, that should hopefully give you a stronger, more powerful punctuation.

Dear Escapist, how do I leave the house that I grew up in?

 

[Mullac]

Acquire the gift of teleportation.

Dear Escapist, how can I understand economics?

 

[Neuromancer]

Read about supply and demand, inflation, deficit spending and other shit I can't remember.

Dear escapist, Kitsune Hunter's advice to Morsomk ultimately leads to his death. How do I stop him from taking Kistune Hunter's advice?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

By giving me the freakin pill already, why are you so insisted on not giving me it?

Dear Escapist, just how on earth, do I convince Neuromancer to give me the pill???

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

By following my advice, young padawan. Or better yet, kidnap his family

Dear Escapist, how do I stop the voices in my head from telling me to do certain things?

 

[Neuromancer]

You shoot your head.

Dear Escapist, Morsomk asks for pills when there are none to give. It is clear that he has gone mad due to Kistune Hunter's advice. How do I stop him?

 

[Headsprouter]

Fighting type moves! You can catch Machop in Rock Tunnel.

Dear Escapist, recommend me a job.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Not gonna be silly for this one.
Become an electrician, it's fantastic!

Dear Escapist, what is love? Baby don't hurt me.

 

[Headsprouter]

Pain. Blindness and pain.

Dear Escapist, how do I summon my spirit animal?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

First you gather a number of strange herbs that you've never heard of, then you inhale that shit! Then you start hallucinate something about your forefathers and then you meet an owl that tells you some bullshit about a forgotten god that is coming to destroy the world and is trying to enslave you through the hallucinogenic that you just smoked a few minutes ago.

Then after a few minutes of walking, you start seeing a group of random animals, pick one and you have a spirit animal.


Dear Escapist, how do I diet?

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

Just stop eating. Forever.

Dear Escapist, I'm stuck in a tree, how do I get down?

 

[Headsprouter]

Easy. I'll help you. First I use my dimension-rip powers to tear my way into a parallel universe. I use your soul gas (it exists in the parallel universe, but not you physically) to re-enter our world. Unfortunately you'll likely haemorrhage from me doing so. On the plus side, I dislodge you from the tree.

Now, Dear Escapist, how do I get down from here?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

*Starts up the engine*

Spoiler: Done!

Dear Escapist, how does one improve oneself?

 

[Teoes]

With that very same chainsaw.

Dear Escapist, I can't decide whether to have a crowbar or a chainsaw in place of my right hand. Can you please advise?

 

[Headsprouter]

Chainsaw. It really gives you the cutting edge.

Dear Escapist, how do I use my arms?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You lift one up and .....you figure out the rest.

Dear Escapist, Dear Escapist?

 

[Headsprouter]

Uhhhh...there should be some thread guidelines on the front page, that might explain it.

Dear Escapist, open this ketchup?

 

[Euryalus]

No! Eat salad instead!

How now brown cow?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Slaughter cow for meat and sustenance.

Dear person below, GET DOWN OR FUNKY?