The Escapist Advice Thread

[Fractral]

Red wire is normally the best. Yep, let me just consult my wire selecting book here. Uh-huh, yeah. Red wire is best. Wait, are you defusing a bomb? Cause in that case *BOOM*. Oh my...

Dear Escapist, how do I stop myself cracking my knuckles all the time?

 

[Kae]

Cut your hands off, how are you going to crack your knuckes if you don't have any?

Dear escapist, what is the best way to introduce yourself to a person?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Murder.

Dear escapist, how do I escape the horde of angry bees that are following me?

 

[Nantucket_v1legacy]

Cover yourself in a sweet substance. Once the bees have stung you once, yes only once, they will die.

Dear Escapists, I'm afraid my best-friend is becoming best-friends with some friend I introduced to her. I don't want this to happen. Any advice?

 

[MrCollins]

Don't try to escape them, they just want to show you their love. Ignore the pain, after all, love hurts it's well a known fact.

Dear Escapist, do all my friends hate me or am I just being paranoid.

 

[Nantucket_v1legacy]

Don't try to escape them, they just want to show you their love. Ignore the pain, after all, love hurts it's well a known fact.

Dear Escapist, do all my friends hate me or am I just being paranoid.

 

[MrCollins]

It's simple, invite this new person to your home, tell them you want to get to know them better. Lock them in your basement. Don't worry about the police, they will appreciate your citizens' arrest of a friend thief.

Dear Escapist, How can I deal with my ninja-cowboy problem?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Pirates-Knights. Cover yourself with gold and wenches to encourage them to fight each other.

Dear Escapist, how do I know what is good advice and advice intended to hurt me?

 

[scorptatious]

If you're still alive, something went wrong.

Dear Escapist, to be or not to be?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Stop being philosophical on the internet; no one cares

Dear Escapist, how can I be a better lover in 10 days or less?

 

[Fractral]

Large quantities of Viagra. I can hook you up with some if you want- there's this nice company that keeps emailing me about it.

Dear Escapist, how can I earn more money?

 

[scorptatious]

Apply to be a drug mule.

Dear Escapist, I think I might have set off a time bomb by mistake. What should I do?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Eat it to minimize life lose

Dear Escapist, what should I do to find love?

 

[MrCollins]

You don't need love, just buy 15 cats and worship them.

Dear Escapist, how should I treat people that are not in the PubClub?

 

[The Pumpkin Witch]

You'd damned well better be nice to me others because that's the goddamned Golden Rule!

Dear Abbey Escapist, where should I hide the bodies?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Across the the police station. THAT IS THE LAST OLACE THEY WILL EVER LOOK!

Dear the Escapist, where do I get... "high quality sugar?"

 

[Kae]

From that shady looking guy that hangs out on that creepy looking alley.

Dear escaapist how do I time my shoes?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Step 1: Put on your shoes.

Step 2: Take a clock.

Step 3: Nail the clock to your shoes.

Congratulations, you have timed your shoes.

Dear Escapist, how do I spell check?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

You don't; people always appreciate bad spelling in order to feel morally superior to others

Dear Escapist, how can I reach Enlightenment?

 

[MrCollins]

You don't really need enlightenment, just use longer words the added smugness passes for a cheap alternative.


Dear Escapist, how can I better apply myself to my studies?