The Escapist Advice Thread

[Scde2]

Ask your friendly neighborhood homeless person to do it for you!

How do you steal candy from a baby?

 

[username sucks]

Sedate the baby first.

What should I do in Minecraft now?

 

[Scde2]

Rule with an iron fist.

Dear Escapist, who can I trust?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Trust no one. They are all only in it for themselves.

Dear Escapist, How can I tell the time without a clock?

 

[Scde2]

Use Aboriginal smoke signals.

Dear Escapist, how can I force myself to finish Final Fantasy XIII?

 

[MrCollins]

Play better Final Fantasy games at the same time, that way you will be convinced you're not bored.

Dear Escapist, how should I get rid on a clingy friend i don't really like?

 

[username sucks]

A good hitman can work wonders.

How grammar do I?

 

[Scde2]

Goodly.

Dear Escapist, how can I be a better mod?

 

[Kae]

Ban all the other mods and you'll be the BEST one!

How can I ride a motorcycle without falling?

 

[username sucks]

Ride it in a zero-gravity environment.

How should I celebrate my completion of my C-CRaP paper?
[small][sub]Yes, that is the name of the paper.[/sub][/small]

 

[Scde2]

By cutting out its heart and feasting upon it.

Dear Escapist, people have called me unstable, how do I prove them wrong?

 

[MrCollins]

Show that what a really unstable person them to learn is. Be as wild as you possibly can. This will allow them to see what an unstable person looks like, and conclude that you are fine.

Dear Escapist, how do I get my neighbors to make less noise?

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Hit the mute button.

Dear Escapist, how I mine for fish?

 

[Scde2]

In a volcano!

Dear Escapist, how do I discover volcano fish?

 

[Kae]

By diving on lava of course.

Dear Escapist, how does one learn to play music?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Rock Band.

Dear escapist, I am terrible at getting into relationships, how do I get a girlfriend?

 

[MrCollins]

I believe there are a wide range of women available near you (at least, there are according to all the banner ads, maybe you should click them)

Dear Escapist, how can I increase my tolerance to alcohol?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Drink MOAR. The only way to become better at something is practice, practice, PRACTICE! Drink enough in one night, you will be able to drive in NASCAR completely plastered, operate heavy machinery after 12 beers, and fly airplanes without a day of flight school!

Dear escapist, I am in a bathroom covered with blood and a body is lying on the ground. What should I do?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Hide the body in the trashcan and blend into the background of the stall

Dear Escapist, how can I be a better poster?

 

[Scde2]

Use all caps and make your posts pretty colors.

Dear Escapist, how can I lose 10 more pounds to reach my target weight?