The Escapist Advice Thread

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You dont, you dont have the legs for it. So what I would reccomend doing instead is wrapping rockets to your feet to increase your speed.

Dear Escapist, what is best in life for me?

 

[Teoes]

Nothing, I just need to figure out how to cure bad stereotypical accents. What is that? Italian?

Dear Escapist, how do I cure Tizzy?

 

[Teoes]

Have you seen how to do a Red Rocket with a dog? Kinda like that.

Dear Escapist, should I advise Tizzy to not try this in public?

 

[username sucks]

By showing him the logical arguments of not trying it in public. That is all.

Dear Escapist, how do I convince the stupid that aliens did not create all life in the universe?

 

[Teoes]

Show them the bible, for it is the real truth.

Dear Escapist: there's something strange in my neighbourhood. Who am I gonna call?

 

[Teoes]

If it's still warm, it's still game!

Dear Escapist, what's the best way to reheat a corpse?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You give him sausages and cheese. If he still wants more then YOU FUCKING SLAP THAT ************ AND TELL HIM TO DEAL WITH IT!!!


Dear Escapist, how do I sleep with a full stomach of delicious food?

 

[username sucks]

Well I don't know why you carry around your food in an animal's stomach, but I would eat the delicious food.

Dear Escapist, I am out of coffee. HELP ME I NEED CAFFEINE!

 

[EeveeElectro]

Penis is a good source of caffeine.

Dear Escapist, how do I cure my nymphomania?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You sit down, pick up a needle and threads and just start sewing.

Dear Escapist, how do I wait for the Terraria 1.2 update?

 

[Teoes]

Occupy yourself with a good hard shag.

Dear Escapist, is there anything that isn't made better with a shag?

 

[username sucks]

A mausoleum.

Dear Escapist, what does it feel like to be dead?

 

[Nouw]

Feels good dude ㅇㅅㅇ

Dear Escapist, I'm so beta. What do I do D: ????

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

You try to be Alpha.

Dear Escapist, I'm looking for people to play DOTA 2 with. Where do I start?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Run around naked with a sign covering your bum that reads "NEED DOTA 2 PLAYERS!"

Dear Escapist, how do I do you?????????

 

[Teoes]

All you have to do is ask! My body is ready and there's plenty of room on the A-Train. Not because I'm fat.

Dear Escapist, how can I best blackmail Eevee once she's done me?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Tape the whole thing. Then when she is running for office, start the money taking.

Dear Escapist, I'm going to the US in a few days and I dont know what to do. Can you give me an advice on what to do?

 

[Teoes]

1) Tinfoil-wrapped cucumber down your trousers
2) Butterfly knife in your boot
3) Walk through the airport repeatedly proclaiming that your visit "is going to be the BOMB!" that "they won't know what hit them!" and the country "will never be the same again!".

Dear Escapist, how can I see Morsomk again?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Just stop, man. Calling him and crying 8 times a day is getting pathetic.

DEAR ESCAPIST HOW DO I FIX MY CAPS LOCK????!!

 

[username sucks]

JUST KEEP IT ON, IT LOOKS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO READ,

Spoiler: JUST READ THIS COMIC

Dear Escapist, how do I get Miracle of Sound to put out songs faster?