The Escapist Advice Thread

[username sucks]

Simple, really. a wood chuck would chuck all the wood that a wood chuck could if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

Dear Escapist, my friday just got ruined because I realized it was only tuesday. How do I remedy this?

 

[thesilentman]

...Deny nature.

Dear Escapist, I need to stop feeling tired. What to do?

 

[NerfedFalcon]

Maple syrup. In large quantities.

Dear Escapist, I ran out of maple syrup. Where can I obtain more?

 

[MrCollins]

Get your toothbrush and sharpen it until you get a shank, then go to your local park and stab some mother fucking trees.

Dear Escapist, how do I do what I do?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

You do it FABUOUSLY

Dear Escapist, how do I know when to go in for the kill the kiss?

 

[thesilentman]

S/he will kick you in the balls right before.

Dear Escapist, why am I not tired after pulling an all nighter?

 

[MrCollins]

Clearly you didn't pull hard enough, put your back into it.

Dear Escapist, how can I overcome my dehabilitating crack addiction?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Do more crack; hopefully, all of it will cancel out

Dear Escapist, how do I get internet famous?

 

[thesilentman]

Post something stupid on YouTube.

Dear Escapist; Windows is being fussy. How should I kill it?

 

[NerfedFalcon]

Open a Notepad file and type in "@echo off del c:[backslash]windows[backslash]system32", then save it as [something].bat. Open it up again, and you have a dead Windows on your hands.

Dear Escapist, somebody tells me that I shouldn't like Gintama because 'it's bad'. I can't convince him that that's just his opinion - he's utterly convinced that it's a fact that Gintama sucks. He could teach the Pope a thing or two about devotion. Anyway, how do I make sure he doesn't spread his opinion around any further?

 

[Kae]

Cut off his tongue and fingers!

Dear Escapist how can I get rest without getting any sleep?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Stay at an inn. The screen will go black for a second and sleepy music will play but you'll be full rested.

Dear escapist how can I pass time?

 

[scorptatious]

Murder.

Dear Escapist, I haz trouble with teh mathematics. Halp?

 

[NerfedFalcon]

2 + 2 = fish.

Dear Escapist, how do I into space?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Well If anything has learnt me anything; You can space under c v b n and m.

Dear escapist I can smell burnt toast all day every day. Is there something wrong?

 

[thesilentman]

You may have burned your nose. Try taking it out, blowing out the dust, and putting it back on again.

Dear Escapist, how do I succeed in life?

 

[NerfedFalcon]

Become a doctor, get the most money and buy everyone else's car to win the game. It helps to retire first, too.

Dear Escapist, there seems to be a strange crack in reality near my local park. How do I open it?

 

[thesilentman]

Divide by zero. Do the proof and voila! Crack opened.

Dear Escapist, how do I get a friend to fall for some Shmuck Bait?

 

[MrCollins]

It would help if he was a Shmuck Fish.

Dear Escapist, How can I get away with necro'ing my own thread?

 

[Teoes]

By not drawing attention to it. Damn.

Dear Escapist, how can I eat an entire roast chicken in one sitting?