The Escapist Advice Thread

[username sucks]

Take a quick dip in a volcano.

Escapist dear how, do I grammar?

 

[Dr.Susse]

You're doing fine.
Just keep throwing Commas and capital letters in whenever you stop to think.

Escapist my dear how do I quit you?

 

[username sucks]

You don't. By creating your profile you agreed to give your soul to the Escapist.

Dear Escapist, how do I get more money?

 

[Dr.Susse]

You need a team of personal and professional bank heist people a la Ocean's 11.

Dear Escapist, How do a fly a plane.......time is a factor.

 

[username sucks]

Pull the handle thing all the way back and press all the buttons. If that doesn't work, smash the controls.

Dear Escapist, how do I get myself to stop procrastinating?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Pour bleach into your eyes, then you have an excuse to NOT work.

Dear Escapist, how do I get my virginity back?

 

[Neuromancer]

Here [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymenorrhaphy] you go.

Dear Escapist, how do I sleep?

 

[username sucks]

A bullet to the brain will put you in a deep sleep for a long time.

Dear Escapist, how do I improve my technical paper?

 

[Teoes]

Give it to the dog.

Dear Escapist, how do I contain myself?

 

[Neuromancer]

Get a straightjacket.

Dear Escapist, how do I make people that used to post in FG come back?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Kill their family and make it so FG is all they have left.

Dear Escapist, how do I teach my cat to sing?

 

[username sucks]

Get a box, put the cat in, and don't give it food or water until it sings.

Dar Escapist, how do I math?

 

[Teoes]

You add time and patience to learning materials, subtract distractions and multiply by hard work.

Dear Escapist, how do I love thee?

 

[Neuromancer]

By learning to sing Wo Ai Ni by heart.

Dear Escapist, how do I hit on girls?

 

[username sucks]

Use a tire iron.

Dear Escapist, how do I get dumb people to shut up?

 

[EeveeElectro]

Tell them someone released poisonous gas and they have to hold their breath. After a while they'll go quiet forever.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop my murderous rages?

 

[Morsomk_v1legacy]

Start screaming at random people in the street, then punch the police when they try to talk to you.

Dear Escapist, how can I eat pizza?

 

[kailus13]

Rectally.

Dear Escapist, how do I pet a kitten?

 

[username sucks]

Ask it for permission first.

Dear Escapist, how do I conquer the world?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Hire a small mouse with a rather large Brain. I think he's called Pinky.

Dear escapist, What is a good recipe to wow my girlfriends parents?