The Escapist Advice Thread
- Thread starter MrCollins
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Ohkay, ohkay, here's whats gotta do(yes, I am doing this in voice of Phil from the Herculez Disney Movie) kid.
There are four things ya do when ya ask a girl out.
Numbah 1, be brave.
Numbah 2, look good.
Numbah 3, stay classy.
Girls don't like it when guys crap their pants when they are asking them out, they like their men to be brave and muscular. That's why ya gotta start ya training with me before you go and try to start a love life. This stuff is way too complicated to be put into a forum post.
Trust me kid, ya will be Casanova before ya are even able to know that you, yes you, are in a relationship with someone or something, I dun't know what ya like, but you can betcha I will be able to make you to get it in love with you.
*Cough* Ok the strange voice is gone.
Dear Escapist, how can I muster the will to play videogames again?
There are four things ya do when ya ask a girl out.
Numbah 1, be brave.
Numbah 2, look good.
Numbah 3, stay classy.
Girls don't like it when guys crap their pants when they are asking them out, they like their men to be brave and muscular. That's why ya gotta start ya training with me before you go and try to start a love life. This stuff is way too complicated to be put into a forum post.
Trust me kid, ya will be Casanova before ya are even able to know that you, yes you, are in a relationship with someone or something, I dun't know what ya like, but you can betcha I will be able to make you to get it in love with you.
*Cough* Ok the strange voice is gone.
Dear Escapist, how can I muster the will to play videogames again?
Get naked babes to bring you controllers on cushions.
Dear Escapist, how do I cure this sore throat?
Dear Escapist, how do I cure this sore throat?
Loads of prescription painkillers.
Dear Escapist, how do I not fail the biology ethics test again? (yes, I did fail it...)
Dear Escapist, how do I not fail the biology ethics test again? (yes, I did fail it...)
Put "strangle a kitten" for every answer. Biologists have no ethics, they have NO SOULS. THEY ONLY WANT PERFECTION FOR THE COLLECTIVE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
Dear the Escapist, I suddenly have some black mechanical things sticking out of my body and at random points YOUR BIOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS TO OUR without being aware of it. What should I do?
Dear the Escapist, I suddenly have some black mechanical things sticking out of my body and at random points YOUR BIOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS TO OUR without being aware of it. What should I do?
But I failed it because I wrote on the paper "ethics are pointless and only slow down the advancement of science." It is underlined in red with the words "see me" written next to it.Not G. Ivingname said:
Neuromancer: Give them a slow but certain death.
Dear Escapist, how do I replace my blood with coffee?
I find that a gun pointed at their head is a very solid argument, and a warning shot at the ceiling makes good supporting evidence.
Dear Escapist, how do I get rid of my need to sleep?
Dear Escapist, how do I get rid of my need to sleep?
Buy a Jaws of Life, go visit your mother...
Dear the Escapist, am I going to Hell for that joke?
Dear the Escapist, am I going to Hell for that joke?
Yes....maybe, I'm not sure. I don't know, I don't work as an accountant for hell.
Dear Escapist, how does one make it through school?
Dear Escapist, how does one make it through school?
Start on one side of the campus, walk through the door, and keep going until you reach the other side of the campus. Then just walk through the final gate, and you have achieved your goal.
Dear Escapist, should I care about school or are video games more important?
Dear Escapist, should I care about school or are video games more important?
Video games. Keep up to date using our site. Also: Sexism debates. Engage in every one you see on the forums. Anita Sarkeesan, too.
Dear Escapist, how should I propose to my hypothetical significant other? Useful information: she got no bobs.
Dear Escapist, how should I propose to my hypothetical significant other? Useful information: she got no bobs.
- Mar 17, 2012
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With a bomb and detonator in one hand and a ring in the other; women love guys with explosives!
Dear Escapist, how can I manage my time for both college AND the Escapist?
Dear Escapist, how can I manage my time for both college AND the Escapist?
Don't study, and just develop a photographic memory like I have.[footnote]Was that too obvious an attempt at bragging?[/footnote]
Dear Escapist, should I do my homework this weekend?
Dear Escapist, should I do my homework this weekend?
Yes, you should. You should also do all the homework you'll need to do next weekend.
Dear Escapist, I have seen the future of the poster below, and they die horribly. How do I stop their imminent demise?
Dear Escapist, I have seen the future of the poster below, and they die horribly. How do I stop their imminent demise?
JUST FUCKING GIVE ME THE PILL OKAY?!
Dear Escapist, how do I convince Neuromancer to give me the pill that will save me?
Dear Escapist, how do I convince Neuromancer to give me the pill that will save me?
Put a gun to his head and tell him if he doesn't hand the pill over, you'll pull the trigger
Dear Escapist, how do I control my sociopathic tendencies?
Dear Escapist, how do I control my sociopathic tendencies?